What I've found is that it's impossible to rely on filters. There will always be a loophole or another device somewhere. 
That being said, the reason we MUST have filters and do the most we CAN do is, when one makes a geder (fence) , it’s as if he is saying, “I am committed to breaking this cycle, and my proof is that I’m going to make things difficult for myself.”

While we can still slip, the geder we instituted nonetheless shows a level of commitment that we are motivated to deal with his problem. Ultimately, if a person has done as much as he could, the result is that he will have more siyata dishmaya and berachah from Hashem.

Long time since I’ve posted. After a recent 5.5 months of staying very clean and working on myself to grow in many areas of life, not just this one, I recently had a fall to lustful online viewing (b”h no H”Z). My devices are filtered but at times I have to bring an unfiltered work computer home (I cannot add filters to it) and unfortunately that caused me some issues last night. Wow how rough falls can be, especially when you feel you’ve grown as a person and one setback causes you to question many things about yourself. I know I have to stay strong and not let these types of thoughts bring me down and continue to work on myself and grow. If anyone can relate and wants to reach out privately feel free to PM me. Thank you and hatzlochoh

brlife101 wrote on 22 Jun 2023 13:24:

Hey, going to take the liberty of replying here instead of privately. I like the forum

At the risk of sounding cliche, and partly because I need to review and internalize this today myself; there is no such a thing as perfection. 

No matter how talented, smart, witty, sharp or successful a person is there will always be bad decisions and bad hair days. It's simply a fact of life.

It doesn't mean we haven't grown, it doesn't mean all the greatness and past successes are erased. It means we are simply human. 

We each have a choice, albeit a hard one - when faced with failure, challenges we believed were passed us, or feelings we thought we learned to control already. We can become frustrated and discouraged, discount our past and who we are today, and set ourselves up for future failures, or we can push ourselves beyond the limits of our overwhelming feelings and stay true to who we really are today - by believing in who we really and sincerely have been in the past.

It's tough, too tough sometimes, but deep down we know it's the truth. Let's try to keep this in the forefront of our minds as we face disappointments or failures so we can emerge as the winner of the past and future, instead of the victims of today. 

I might add as well, that when we build up time+work+other areas of life, we are building level by level. Think of it like steps; each thing we do serves as a good for itself, and also as a place upon which to build the next step. When someone falls at a high step they do not necessarily fall to the bottom of the stairs; they may well have just lost their footing and can catch themselves along the way. I don't only mean this in objective terms- though I think the fact that you stopped yourself from H"Z is itself a big indicator for that! I mean it also in terms of psychological development. Someone can get drunk on Purim and not touch alcohol again until the next Purim. This is partly because he is not wired that way- it is a one off. But an active alcoholic may not be able to hold off once he goes on a binge. But after developing skills and giving time to work magic, maybe you fell a few steps but you are no where near the bottom. 

I don't mean this only as chizzuk. I feel that counting days is very helpful in the beginning (as I am), because it gives a sense of accomplishment and success. But as we get more time, days are just a number, because there is a new way of life. Your new way of life (at least somewhat, over 5 1/2 months!) does not automatically go back because of a mess up.

Thank you for your post.

To add a point onto that which has been said -
You write that the fall causes you to "question many things about yourself".
I worked on this myself, many times over the years. Here's the way I have come to look at it.

If a fall allows you to recognize that you are still vulnerable, or even to taste bitter regret for making a choice which is now truly beneath you, that may be valid and constructive. But deep doubt and existential questioning of self are not called for. We are each infected with a powerful Yetzer Hora, there is no final cure except death.
The deep pain that we feel after falling can be constructive if it galvanizes us to shore up our defenses and take Chizzuk where needed. But these feeling you are describing are, I think, an attempt of the Yetzer to undermine the incredible growth you've accomplished in all areas of your life, growth that hasn't been lost or negated.
You've already picked yourself up! Here's a hug, for reassurance, from a fellow sufferer, if I may be so bold. Keep going on!

Grant400 wrote on 22 Jun 2023 14:27:

Thank you Grant. This note really resonated and has been helpful for me. I made a mistake but that doesn’t mean I now have to identify myself as a failure. Appreciate it and what everyone else wrote. Good shabbos 

by believing in who we really are we can emerge as the victors of the past and future instead of the victims of today

Hi I am checking back in on the forum. The past few weeks I have had some slips and I can’t seem to shake loose of that and stay focused and not drawn in to unhealthy outlets. I am definitely feeling fatigued of the battle and wish I had the means to just put everything on the shelf and move on from these slips which fill me with lack of confidence and lead me further downward.  Posting here for accountability and chizuk 

brlife101 wrote on 09 Aug 2023 22:49:

I think I know how you feel.
Sometimes, for me, slipping up would almost be the rationalization to go into complete relapse mode, rather than keep it a one-time thing. 
What I've realized recently is that if my overall view is that I really do not want porn, then even if I had a weak moment, it does not change everything. Then the change question becomes, "how do I manage myself after a lapse?", instead of just how many days at a time you can count. If you can pick yourself up, you are doing much better on the road of recovery. Take good care!

(For me, the smaller slips just build up until it is like an avalanche. I need to stay away from the smaller things).

I agree that the key is staying away from the smaller things/slips that easily avalanche and can take us to a point of no return. The battle is fighting the small urges to draw you in and overpower you. Almost entirely the battle is fighting off and staying very strong against the small urges to “take a second look”, do “a quick little search”, let “my eyes wander a bit, no harm no foul”, etc. 

last night I had a battle and struggled and had some slips to inappropriate images but no fall. I am having a hard time this morning moving forward and not letting my sense of being beaten dwell on me. I know my job today is to stay strong and do whatever I need to do to battle and keep my spirits high. It’s hard. I need to maintain my willpower, keep my eyes to myself no matter what, and not let myself get drawn into even the smallest of temptations. Posting this for self accountability. 

I don't exactly understand. 

I know its hard sometimes to think about it in this way, I'm still working on it, but you said you didn't have a fall. That means you accomplished. You should be super proud of yourself! Its the Yetzer Hara that is pulling you down. Use this as a springboard for next time, since you succeeded this time it will make it easier the next time!

brlife101 wrote on 22 Aug 2023 13:20:

Your feelings make sense. I've been there. But the fact that you kept it together means you won more than you lost. You are on a great path. Chin up!

Moadim L’simcha. I don’t post very often. But there are some things I have been thinking about and wanted to post for my own reflection and accountability but also in case it is helpful for anyone else on these forums.

I can relate to those on here who read, but don’t necessarily post as much as others or don’t post at all, and feel they don’t have anyone to reach out to in order to find the guidance and tools how to work toward a life of freedom and inner peace. I was in that exact spot over a decade ago but B”H slowly over time through the incredible GYE platform, particularly the forums and other tools GYE has to offer, I found many tools but also several incredible individuals who have taken on the responsibility and strength to find kedusha and grow in their own lives and also help many other people find it and grow as well. It takes courage, especially if you have been living alone with these struggles and challenges with nobody, literally nobody to speak to. The only thing I can suggest is to find the courage and take that first step to read through all the different tools GYE has to offer, start taking some of them on in a real and accountable way (filters, accountability systems, limiting access to things that cause you to slip etc), Private message, reach out, post, Google voice call anonymously etc, whatever it takes to reach out to someone who has been there, can relate to you, will not judge you for your struggles, and on the contrary will listen and provide practical and spiritual guidance to help you find the tools, measures, and healthy attitude to take on all necessary measures and accountability to grow and find kedusha and inner peace and freedom in your life. 

on a personal level, B”h things have been going well and I spent much time leading up to the yamim noraim thinking and journaling, particularly about the measures I must stick to and things I must personally avoid to live a life of freedom and inner peace. Freedom meaning, living with an inner sense that you feel self worth and purpose and meaning. a life of freedom from lust and anger, at inner peace with myself and my core values, and taking a calm approach to life, investing in genuine relationships with others, and a deep and loving connection and relationship with my wife and children. 

yesterday I found myself spending an extra second looking at an advertisement with an attractive woman in it. She was dressed modestly but it doesn’t matter because I know that extra second when I was taking a second look allowed me to subconsciously start thinking “hey I am doing relatively Ok so as long as I’m looking at this and not something worse what’s the big deal”. There is no permission or רשות for a second look, not on any level no matter how I am doing in my growth. And actually allowing that to subconsciously fester and build up has in the past led me into worse troubles of slipping and falling. posting this for my own accountability and reflection and hopefully some others can relate to it too. 

Good shabbos and Chag Sameach

Been having some recent ups and downs the past few weeks. Hard to share but important to be honest.  Insensitivity from certain family members is very provoking and triggering for me, a few incidents of insensitivity have happened the past few weeks from those family members and it causes a lot of anger and frustration for me and leads to strong feelings that sit with me and are difficult to move on from. I really do want to aim for a calm lifestyle but I clearly haven’t learned how to move on and ignore when these family members provoke and hurt me through their insensitivity. Remembering to trust in Hashem and that I am a good person even if they are insensitive are important ideas for me to remember. Just hard to remember in the heat of the moment. Posting here for accountability. 

Ouch. Sorry to hear. It is impressive that you are sticking with GYE long-term and growing. I wrote a post about journaling for anger on December 31st. I read on your thread that you journal sometimes so you might find it useful. Wishing you all the best.

brlife101 wrote on 16 Jan 2024 00:31:

If I may suggest, acceptance is a good idea that might help you deal with insensitivity. The more we judge ourselves for being oversensitive, and fight against the situations we find ourselves in, the more we seem to overreact. But when we start to accept situations and ourselves, a strange thing happens. We relax a little. Suddenly we feel a bit less sensitive.
Try the ‘worst case scenario’ trick. When things seem overwhelming ask, “What is the very worst thing that can happen here? Can I accept and handle that?” If yes, you’ll relax a little. If no, you can decide who to ask for help.
Another good tool to help with self acceptance is  self-compassion. When you find yourself judging or berating yourself, imagine you were instead talking to a good friend. How would you speak to and treat them? Offer yourself the same.