you are our inspiration chazak!i almost had a fall today but remebered how i felt after a previous fall  i felt so bad and sad ,that helped to stop ,remember the waves will pass and youll feel so much happier .be well!we`re Davening for you!!

benblum wrote on 16 Nov 2017 17:17:

Ben you wrote "I know that I can make it"
How do you know?
Before I discovered gye I always knew I could make it... "
until...
oops I think I messed up an hour ago... oh well who cares... 4gt abt wt hpnd... going ahead I know I'll make it... and then a few days later oops I think I messed up an hour ago... and the cycle repeated again... and again

Hey - whenever you're ready to join gye recovery Trucking with me and other cool guys, jdi!!

Hey Markz,

I am on GYE for a few years now and I do make nice progresses. I am certainly not perfect and I fall a lot but I managed to grow BH and to find way to FIGHT. I know that I can go higher and higher. That's what I meant when I said "I know that I can make it". You think a better attitude would be to say "I know I won't make it". Depression feed the cycle from what I understood. So a positive and uplifting attitude is not all the solution but at least a part of it (or the beginning of it). I know that I can make it because if Hashem gave me this challenge, it means that I can overcome it. This is what I meant.

What do you mean by join gye recovery trucking? I am always interested hearing new ideas...

By the way, I am still clean!!! Thank you all for your words of encouragements and davening. It worked! I AM STILL STANDING!!

Hey Everybody,
23 days clean here!! I am happy but I know I can fall at any moment. I am going through random lust attacks (a lot in my sleep with lust dreams). More spaced out though....My eyes got pulled by a random images on the internet or in work related magazines but until now, I am doing well. It has only been 23 days but it seems like a long time to me. It feels great and I do not want to fall. I am on my way to the 90 days. If you have any tricks/suggestions, I am always open to new ideas. Let me know
Ben 

Its really great you're holding on so well.
i will quote here what HashemHelpMe answered me for a similar question on my thread:

"Firstly, the yetzer hora does not give up so fast. If he cant get you one way, he will try another. Secondly, your body is not used to abstention. it was trained for a long time to use "the drug". Its only atural that until your body realizes you mean business, that this will continue. But the good news is that it recedes with time b'ezras Hashem.......   What you are experiencing is completely normal."

if you accept that it becomes easier.

Good luck!

benblum wrote on 22 Nov 2017 21:27:

Brother you gotta share what you're doing for recovery
Counting days hour by hour (with the Big Ben) and hoping, isn't actively doing, and if you're still struggling it's called white knuckling.

maybe look over the summary of gye tools at end of my signature ;-)

So, Big Ben, what's it gonna be today?

To Ftndrug: thank you so much for your encouragements. It definitely helps me a lot and give me hope!!
To Markz: you are right on this one (I like the nickname Big Ben by the way). Counting days will never work fro me and I know that. I am counting days AND I am using some of the tools I found on GYE:
- I have installed an accountability software on all my devices with an accountability partner
- I am reading the GYE newsletter almost daily
- I have blocked Internet on my phone (which is an old phone).
- I have a journal that I use to write sometimes when I struggles (did not write much lately)
- I am in touch with several partners from GYE (especially one) with whom I share daily my fight
- I am listening to various MP3 shiurim on the subject
- I try to get stronger spiritually (by setting a regular limud schedule)
- I am working out much more than before and this gives me a lot of good energy and good spirit
- I have started my post on the forum
- I try to eat healthier food and get better night sleep to have more energy to fight
- I am using the shvua TAPHSIC method

So these are the tools I am using so far. I have added or adjusted this program/tools progressively. My strategy is to reach a balance globally (both physically and spiritually) and get some level of control and eventually be ezrat Hashem get sober one day at a time. So even if my program is far from being perfect (it is a working progress), I don't think that this is white knuckling (if I understood the white knuckling well). I am fighting the FIGHT! Let me know what you think and if you have suggestion to how I can improve my fight and sharpen my strategy. Looking forward to your comments
Ben

I didn't realize there were so many cool cogs in Big Ben. Sounds like you're doing great!!!

If you need more, I think you know what to do ;-)

Ben Blum you are the man! You should be teaching us all how to proceed. Ashreichem.

Hey Everybody,
Just to give a quick update. I am 58 days clean today BH!!! I am fighting with all I got and it's working Of course, I have to keep focus as the yetser hara will get me immediately if I lower my guard. My defensive program is working so far. More difficult is to guard my eyes when the fight is being taken outside in public spaces or in stores. If you guys have some tricks / defensive or protection mechanism to share I will be happy to hear them!
Ben

Great news. B'ezras Hashem keep the good news coming. I found having chevra to speak to was extremely beneficial so maybe try that. Also when you do have to go outside, maybe say a kapitel tehillim. Besides the actual tefila part of it, it reminds one to be careful and stay focused (and know what to not focus on).

Hi Everybody,

Long time that I have not written. I fell yesterday It is my longest streak. Not only did I reached the 90 days but I went way over it (139 days!!). This is the first time in my life! Now is the time to move forward. If I did it once, I can do it twice and even go further and beat that thing! I have to think and try to understand why and how I fell. I guess that with time, my guard went down slowly and the yester hara just got in. I have to be more careful. I have a question. Now that I go back to zero, is it like going back to the me of the beginning? Or  because I had a long streak, I became stronger and more experienced? I feel stronger and not depressed following my fall. Is it the benefit of fighting and being clean for 139?

Ben

Or  because I had a long streak, I became stronger and more experienced? 

Hi Ieeyc, what did you mean by the check sign?

He meant that you had a long streak so things that worked for you helped boost you.
Can you remind us/yourself what they were?

ieeyc can you remind us/yourself what helped boost you on your 11 year clean streak