Hi Everybody,

 I have been on GYE for a few years. Never made it to the 90 days. Made some progress but I am still standing despite my many falls. Today, I am 3 days clean (I know not great but I have to start somewhere right?). I decide to post a message everyday until I reach the 90 days. If I have a lust attack, I will come to this post for help and I hope I can count on you guys!!! Even if my fight is still fragile, I want to take the opportunity to say that GYE is an AMAZING place! I was looking for such a place for many many years! Be ezrat Hashem, I will make it!!! To be continued

Ben

Welcome
Would you mind telling us more about yourself and your struggles it would be of immense help to us to help you 

Hatzlacha 

There are a lot of tools on this site.

Welcome. You have a great attitude. Posting every day has helped many. It should iyh be with success.

Hey everybody, thank you for your replies. It feels really great to have people around me. I read posts on the forum and suddenly I realized that many have the same challenges. The yetser hara uses the same old tricks with a lot of us apparently. Time to fight back!!!

This is day 4. I feel pretty good BH, I have been on GYE for about 3 years. I will share a little bit more of my story next week BH (Today is kind of a short day). Progressively, I have been adding and trying various tools from GYE. Forum is a new one for me and I feel that it can be powerful. Until now, I have not reached the 90 days. I think my longest streak is almost 60 days. Let's see if I can beat that one at a time.

Last night I had a lust dream. This usually happens when I stay clean for some time (in this case 4 days). Usually, it is a good sign. It means I am "detoxifying". Unfortunately, it also means that the yetser hara is attacking during my sleep. But Shabbat is coming soon. I look forward to welcoming it.

Lately, I noticed that even when I go to Shul on Shabbat, I have to guard my eyes carefully. Some women go there dressed really immodestly (like in clubs!). Our eyes are nowhere safe anymore from this point of view. I have to be ready  in all situations. Let's get ready for that.

To all Shabbat Shalom and let's keep FIGHTING!

Ben

Good luck brother. Every nisayon you pass is another dead soldier in the enemy camp.
Finish 'em all!! FIGHT!!

Don't be concerned about the lust dream. ignore it completely. You have a great attitude. Forum is a great tool for many. As you wrote you start to realize that many normal successful ehrliche people struggle. Keep posting.

Hey everybody,

Day 7. Wow! one week clean. I am very happy besides it has been while since I didn't have a clean weekend. It feels good. In the meantime, it is Monday today. Monday are usually difficult. Getting back into my routine, dealing with work and tasks. I like to be busy. It is a bracha. But there is a part of me that says: go check this or that on youtube, just for a few minutes, to relax. Nothing crazy, just youtube, it is not porn. Of course, everybody knows here how this kind of temptations ends. You start with something small, soft, nothing extreme but you always end up with porn. In any event, I am here at work, all alone, fighting this anonymously...Nobody knows I am fighting except you at GYE and my fighting partner who is also from GYE.  In any event, here is my challenge, I have to resist until 6 pm today. No youtube, no nothing, just work. This is my commitment for today!!! Let's make it happened. If you have comments or suggestions, please do not hesitate. Take care and have a good fight!
Ben

Welcome, Ben!! You said that you've been here for a while so I guess there is no need for me to welcome you! But as you said, this place is awesome!! I can very much Identify with what you're saying about struggling alone at work, and how one youtube clip ends you up in porn. I have exactly the same problem. The only place I fall is at work. I work in an office and I'm alone most of the time. I fall many many times and that hurts me tremendously at work and in my relationship with Hashem (and my wife, obviously). 

I was on the phone with a fellow GYE chaver, and he related to me that for us as strugglers, we can't consider a fall when we look at porn or masturbate, because at that point, we are mostly powerless on our lust. I need to analyze my behavior to see which kind of behavior leads me to fall. For me, if I don't start my day in a productive manner, i.e. I don't start work right away but rather check the news or take care of personal stuff or even log in to GYE, it will make me in a very low mood and I will be prone to any unexpected (or even actively searched) trigger.  So for me, my nekidas habchira is the minute I get into the office and need decide what to do for the first ten minutes. If I don't start work right away, It means that I failed. If I ended up watching porn or not doesn't matter, since at that point I have little control over my actions. The moment I come into the office, a time I usually don't yet have any lustful thoughts, that point is the point where I still have bechira. And on that decision I will be held accountable for. And that decision is what matters to me. Thus, I made a taphsic for a week that if I use the internet for anything other than work until 5 PM each day, I will pay 50$ for tzedaka. I have tried it for a week and so far it was amazing. 

The key is to figure out which of your actions lead you to fall. Another example would be if one sees that most of the times he falls on his phone when he uses the bathroom. If that's the case, then once he's in the bathroom with his phone he will most likely fail and has no bechira, but he has bechira to not bring the phone with him in the bathroom. So for him, if he brought it in he failed. And that should be our main focus, once we understand our action, we need to figure out at what point we still have bechira and be on top of that. A taphsik (not on not watching porn, but one not brining your phone into the bathroom ) might help too.  

Anyways, I hope you keep yourself busy and may you be and stay in Hashem's way!

Cheers to a clean day!
Yitzchok

LoveU, your mehalech works very well for many people. We should suggest to the guard to incorporate it into the Taphsic portion of the site.

Day 14 !!! Just wanted to share. 2 weeks CLEAN. It feels good: In the meantime, te yetser hara left me alone finally but he is coming back as always very gently to make me fall. I have to win this. He is coming back, I can feel it, tomorrow Monday is key. I have to resist !

By the way LoveU, the idea of start working right away is GENIOUS! This is how I started all my falls for many many years. You look at the news, then you look at other things non related, some music video on youtube and slowly and slowly you slip and the yetser hara is taking you gently by the hand until you get to the forbidden content :(The bathroom example is a trap that I start recently falling into when I realize that I can watch stuff on my phone!! I remove the browsing capability of my phone but it is good a idea not to take it in the bathroom anyway.
Thank you for the tips. I hope to give some details on me and struggle soon so that you can get the full picture. In any event, this post is really really helpful. Keep giving feedback and tips. It helps tremendously!!! Thanks again to all !

Wonderful to see that you have shown yourself that it can be done. Keep it up b'ezras Hashem. If Monday is tough reach out and call some of the chevra. Hatzlocha.

Day 14!! wow!! I am so happy for you! Only a fellow struggler can appreciate what 2 clean and productive weeks mean! Keep the energy alive, brother!

Hey Everybody,

Day 17 here. Still clean. However, big lust attacks between yesterday and today. I need your strength to make it. I have kind of started slipping but stopped before it was too late after a few minutes. I know that I can make it. I do not want to fall. Hashem help me, please. I do NOT want to fall. Any words of encouragements can help!

17 days! Good job!
as for your struggle, its absolutely great that you were able to stop before you fell! You are strong and there is no reason you wouldn't be able to reach day 18 and 20 and 90!
what helps me in those times is imagining myself as a fighter in a boss fight, holding a sword and shield and seeing the enemy raging with his most powerful attack. I dont know if that will help you, but maybe try it..
also you can check your homepage and see the turnoffs gye set there.
Anyway remember, the harder the battle becomes-the more desperate is the enemy. And when youll defeat him-he will just stop :]
have tons of hatzlacha, i pray for you!!
FIGHT!!!!