This is where i will endlessly bicker about overcoming the urge. I will keep my interesting posts on my other thread, here is where i can "just be myself", off the record. Oh yeh, and i almost forgot, here is where i keep clean 

I am clean today, not because of the guilt to report a fall on this thread, and not because I don’t have an interest in killing time with enticing pics. I am clean because with each urge to “loose myself” in shmutz, and forget my sorrows, with each urge I force myself to identify the unpleasantness in those pics.

Instead of investing in myself, by limud hatorah, my parnassa, my home, my body (cooking better meals and sleeping more or excersising). I forgo all these things in the time I waste on shmutz. Yeh it gives alittle pleasure and a fun pastime, but do I realy want to “pleasure myself” with such things? NO!! why on earth do I have a filter, if I wanted such a thing!    It doesn’t fit my chinuch, my community standing, or any of my values!  It’s “below me” to stoop to such a level.

OK I am convinced for now, next time the urge comes I will continue where I left off on this post…

Old Timer wrote:


I don't know the answer, but covenanteyes (the basis of webchaver too) made a survey, and apparently the filter population has a much higher chance of pornographing than those that don't, so in my humble opinion for you only (if there's no kids in the house) get rid of the filter, maybe install webchaver and that's it.

Now I'm not a rabbi nor a cash dispenser so don't take it to the bank

I didn't offer solutions, you can find them yourself :-)

But, too much focus on filters and teshuva keeps one in Lustland. It's time to press the 'Esc' button if you're ready...

The "filter population" is comprised of:
   1: People who don't want other members of their family looking at stuff, becuase they have a good reason to suspect them too.
    2: People who wish they themselves wouldn't look at stuff, and also wish that it will solve the problem.
      3: Frum people who do WHATEVER gedolei yisrael told them, even if it sounds "weird". They don't look at stuff, and their kids are not suspect to regularly look at stuff, but the rabanim said so...



SA is composed of peolple:
   1.Who's life is truly gone crazy!!!   Gentiles and jews alike
     2. Jews of all ehtnicities and religios standing who subscribe to category 2 above, and wish to do teshuva (at least for the first 2 weeks there, then they take a new approach)
      There are FAR TO MANNY  avreichim in SA in israel. Proportionaly it shouldn't look like yetr another KOLEL, but it does.    It's a religious guilt that does the best reqruiting for the program.

religious guilt? i woud rather call it the koach hakedusha of haba litaher mesayin oso

As a people, we have learned throughout the generations that we must uncompromisingly follow the chachmei ha-dor. In our generation, rabbonim have united in their demand that we install filters. So we must listen. In every generation there were those who claimed the chachomim didn't understand... Where did that get them?  As an aside, if one listens to Gedolei Yisroel ,he/she is benched with extra syatta d'shmaya. If we have been instructed to have filters then that is what we should do (unless a particular person asks a specific shaila for him/herself and is told otherwise). Sorry if I sound a little preachy, but I care about all of you out there, daven for the whole chevra, and would love to see everyone be zoche to brocho v'hatzlocha.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 02 Aug 2017 19:54:

I agree with you in concept 

As an aside have you seen the expression "JDI"

Well our Great Rabbonim said "JDL"

Just Don't Look

So why can't people here just listen?????

Markz wrote on 02 Aug 2017 20:45:

Because they JDL

just don't listen

The slogan of many here...

I think pretty much everyone here.
Only difference is it has very different meanings before and after recovery...
And of course the paradox of the program is that in recovery we add Just For Today to that Never Again

On my gratitude list for today....     "thank you for hijacking my board"


Back to me.

I am thinking with my head and not my lust over here, I may be נוגע בדבר but don't write me off as נגוע בדבר. There is a big difference between them.   

So, i was thinking to myself, that on one hand if I don't get my lust under controll, specificly if I don't stop it altogether, Hashem will continue punnishing me for it.   i am going through a תקופה of devine punishment, and there is NO WAY it can be anything else that i have done other than internet shmutz and "shpritzing".  (appologies to all those SA guys who get aggrivated by me using cute-clean phrases like this, I get a "kick" out of getting on your "foulmouthed nerves").       On the other hand, other than the sin, it isn't affecting my life too much. Alittle true, but not anything unbearable. 

I am 100% certain that by being a truly active member of the 12 step program (maybe even SA again) i will be TRULY clean, for very long terms, if not forever!   on the other hand, i never was willing to "be part" of the fellowship, and they never wanted me either. I did the stepwork, went to groups, made a few freinds, answered incoming calls, and "did my own thing".    I was clean, lust-free,  happy,   growing, and did my tshuvah.                                but i don't want to be part of it, heaven-forbid remarry as part of such a thing??!?!?  I don't want to be a part of that thing,  and on the other hand it works (for me and others). Pardon my french but damn!   I want something else that works!  somehting more "normal", not a secret society of sluts and perverts!!            i hate living a secret life! I want to be openly proud of who i am, and NOT as part of a "gay parade" who pride themselves in their "sickness".


confused, cvetching, complaining...           it's good for me to "deal" with this issue. And don't anyone "recomend" for me to hit rock bottom, don't you dare. i am not a "real addict", but the program works!!!! i hate it, why does only the program that i DON'T want to be part of, why is that my only GUARANTEED sucess in this human battle against the yetzer hara!!!!              ahhhHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish i could make a deal with Hashem, i'll forgo my lust, turn it over to him, and he gives me endless money and a good career! 

BTW, i recently recalled WHAT part of my 1st step, worked for me in THE BEGINNING. It was SHAME-SURRENDER-בושה.    I came into every meeting and declared being clean "today i am clean" and wathched everyone's pittying expressions as they looked at me.   They where all sure i was truly 1 day clean, it REALY hurt me, and i did this at every meating, and it STATED KEEPING ME CLEAN IN THE BEGINING.             After a year, i kept doing it, and it hurt even more. FYI no-one ever asked me to speak, EVER, and that made me feel even more minuscule!!  And lust needs an EGO to exist, how why i never realy understood, just know that it ALWAYS worked to keep me clean.

Are your posts written at one time? I remember you once saying that you type it on word throughout the day. Perhaps I'm mistaken.

I cannot follow from one paragraph to the next. You like sa. You don't. Sa is perfect. You hate it. Sa is the solution. You love shtuching those sa guys. You're clean. You fell. You have all the answers. You shpritzed twice yesterday.

It's probably all my fault. I am to blame. I wrote a thread about that someplace.

Whatever, all the best.

II was just thinking that IV been missing trouble...

i wrote that last post in one shot,        did it not mention being confused????

and about SA, i hate it, they (you guys) never liked me, it works for me, i don't want to be there, and i "got all the answers" from the guys and literature over there.                .....does this clarify things for you?

Old Timer wrote on 06 Aug 2017 08:53:

No (it does not clarify much), and I don't know much about you (besides your current posts and some of your yesteryear posts, but as I wrote, I get mixed messages) to know if I like you or if I don't.

Wishing you clarity.

All the best.

...Walking into the room with my head held low, feeling like and a jerk.

         ...Everyone around me is jeering and laughing at the ideal i believe in, perceiving me as a 'newbie' who lacks step one.

                        ...I am back, not because of a \n Addiction. Psychologists have evaluated my scenario, and i am NOT ADDICTED TO LUST. I do however "struggle" to keep my lust in check, and this great website and program of recovery worked for me in the past.

To be honest, totally honest. My filter settings is currently Rimon at its weakest, i have a twitter account just for shmutz, a tumblr acount just as a loophole for PORN, i have waste most of my day on youtube just trying to stay distracted, and i am masturbating to porn once every day or two.          That's the truth.

To be honest, i am not willing to start any relationship with a woman, because of the HUGE issurim involved in everything from mesaper ima machoreiu hageder, to actual physical contact, to outright sex with a nidah heshem yiracheim!!          0n the other hand, i have done so much masturbation and porn, that it has long ago been NAASEH KHETER, despote LONG periods of sobriety, it is just probably a lifelong NAASEH KEHETER.        damn!!!!

please respond freely, and let me get in touch with reality!!        My acquired defence mechanism of running away from  reality to an imaginary world IS WASTING MY LIFE AWAY!!