i made the TaPHSiC method for 90 days- but the way it was structured is that it's only going into effect once i'm deliberately watching pornography longer than 10 seconds. it worked for a while but after some time i started watching for 10 seconds and than looked away and watching for another 10 second...     

​now i got OCD!  if i wasn't watching by mistake longer than 10 seconds - or if the SHAVOA that i made is really not going into effect in a way that i'm watching and looking away and continue watching again.

i decided to ask my Rov to be שואל על נדר - as you understand i couldn't tell them the whole truth because i was too shy- and he start blaming me for playing with such things as a SHAVOA. and than he said he not sure if he can be שואל על נדר because its a נודר לדבר מצוה.

can some please please help me. i'm feeling sick thinking I've maybe been עובר על הנדר which is scary indeed. 

thank you

Sorry to hear that you're grappling with such serious stuff

Maybe ask him if you can at least change it from 10 seconds to 10 minutes?

The reality is that as long as we are keeping secrets from our rabbi, or gye partner, etc, we are gonna keep fencing..

The funny thing about gye is that one can loophole around lots of tools. For example the 90 day chart - one can intentionally slip yet not fall off the chart...

So for many of us, we need to start with step #1 in the handbook, if we are so willing

Markz wrote on 18 Jul 2017 16:52:

You have to ask someone qualified who really knows the Halacha. I had a similar issue years ago- when I first masturbated I promised I would give $100 each time. It went on for years and I only asked to be matir years later. I think my Rov did that something that I couldn't control I obviously never meant to make. 

so ask someone, but like Markz said, better to tell the truth. 

And this, in my opinion, is a big danger of Taphsic.

the problem is that my rov won't understand - and cant think of one who would..

Lovely Jew wrote on 18 Jul 2017 20:12:

Most Rabbis nowadays are not there to meet out penance...

If the question is about past misdemeanors, i say just move on
If not, I suggest you email theguard (eyes.guard@gmail.com) and ask for his assistance

Apparently 99% of those that break free with Taphsic exclusively from serious addiction struggle do not participate in the forums

BARUCH HASHEM YOU JOINED US TO BREAK FREE BEFORE YOU WENT BROKE

Whoa where is that statistic from?

You're watching pornography and your "feeling sick"  and scared that maybe you've been עובר על הנדר !?  You're breaking an oath to who, may I ask? To the God that is sitting next you crying while you reject Him and seek your comfort in pornography? 

I want to be very clear. I'm not judging you at all. I've done the same and worse. I'm only trying to point out to you and to others that the oath you made is nonsense. You worship pornography and no oath to Hashem is going to help you, apparently. Pornography is where you turn for your solace and comfort and to fill the emptiness inside. I know that's where I went for comfort for over 30 years.

Stop watching pornography and you won't have to worry breaking any oaths. 

Hakolhevel wrote on 18 Jul 2017 22:34:

Sorry I edited my post after you quoted it
Please re-read

Apparently Taphsic exclusively (with no other tools) works. 
Theres very little proof on the forum to this fact, which is is why I wrote what I wrote

Serenity how could you forget about Mark!!

It's in your signature

-"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twaine

serenity wrote on 19 Jul 2017 02:14:


That was beautiful!

Can you share with the brother, or better yet on your thread - HOW DO YOU STOP?

Where's the secret ESC button?

Serenity,

I guess that what you are saying is מושבע ועומד מהר סיני.

We already swore our allegiance to him at Mount Sinai so it doesn't really make sense to be worried about another oath if we already have one. That having been said, although I am not a fan of this method because I myself got in trouble like this guy did 15 years ago, let's give him a fuzzier welcome. 

Welcome. You have come to a good place where iyh you will be helped. Taphsic works for many people but like all other strategies, it is not for everyone. Regarding speaking with your rav, you may be quite surprised and hear from him that he is dealing with this issue with other members of your kehilla. If you are still uncomfortable approaching him, you must know of at least one other rav, rebbe, magid shiur.... who deals with these things. 

Thanks. I didn't notice that Lovely Jew is a new comer. My intentions were not to hurt anyone. I'm not saying not to worry about an oath. An oath is very serious business. I'm saying is that maybe we need a different relationship with God before an oath is going to stop us from acting out and maybe we need to realize how serious lust is for many of us. If we truly have a sickness then an oath isn't going to help us. Would you take an oath to stop eating peanuts if you knew you had a peanut allergy? O course not. And for us guys that gave up a lot for yidddishkeit but can't manage to give up lust, maybe we need to get real treatment for a disease. 

Workingguy wrote on 19 Jul 2017 13:58:

I don't think serenity was debating whether we had an allegiance to Hashem or not. He's just saying we have more of an allegiance to lust. 

Serenity,



I guess that what you are saying is מושבע ועומד מהר סיני.



We already swore our allegiance to him at Mount Sinai so it doesn't really make sense to be worried about another oath if we already have one. That having been said, although I am not a fan of this method because I myself got in trouble like this guy did 15 years ago, let's give him a fuzzier welcome. I don't think serenity was debating whether we had an allegiance to Hashem or not. He's just saying we have more of an allegiance to lust. I thought he was saying that how can we be worried about swearing falsely because that's a sin, if the whole idea of looking at porn and masturbation is a sin?