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Breaking a bad habbit
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Breaking a bad habbit 12497 Views

Re: Breaking a bad habbit 05 Sep 2017 17:22 #319802

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As i wrote, only very big people can tell us the outcome of our actions and if Hashem punishes for a specific action mida k'neged mida. Those big people, Roshei Yeshiva, Rebbes, and Rabbonim have said publicly that those engaged in getting themselves or others clean are bringing great simcha to Hashem. To the best of my knowledge they have not made any mida k'neged mida claims.
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Re: Breaking a bad habbit 05 Sep 2017 17:43 #319803

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Markz wrote on 05 Sep 2017 17:13:

Hashem Help Me wrote on 05 Sep 2017 17:05:

Manessmann wrote on 05 Sep 2017 05:43:
True that Hashem is a loving and caring G-d, but throughout the Torah we are also reminded about how He deals out punishments. And seriously, I have sinned and sinned severely many times throughout my life and afterwards begged for forgiveness and mercy. I made many promises and vows in the past to straighten up and change, but eventually always going back to a life of a sinner. And many bad and unfortunate things have been happening in my life which leads me to believe it is - measure for measure -  Hashem losing his patience with me due to all my broken vows.
Of course it's not just the fear of punishment that is helping me guard my eyes. I actually really want to break free from lust and all it's perverse habits. Lust just drags me down and ruins my mind. My thoughts and memories are plagued by women, porn and sex, and this is a terrible way to be.

To the best of my knowledge we do not have neviim today. Only a very very big person could say when and ifHashem is punishing us mida k'neged mida. His ways are mysterious and hidden. The important thing is that you are guarding your eyes and mind to the best of your ability. It takes a while for memories of exciting and dramatic images to fade. Meanwhile keep on doing what you are doing. Our rabbonim tell us that today anyone working on this struggle is bringing tremendous simcha in shomayim.

Reb HHM your first and last sentence contradict each other 

Our rabbanim aren't nevi'im!? DANG!

If anyone heard Rabbi YY jacobson speak knows that there is no way of knowing why bad things happen, if anyone wants a shiur on it then please let me know.
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Last Edit: 05 Sep 2017 17:44 by Mesayin.

Re: Breaking a bad habbit 05 Sep 2017 22:40 #319836

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I am sorry but this whole thread is now niggling me the wrong way.
Reb HHM all those punishments in the Torah never stopped you from acting out for 30-40 years because you were a sick person.
Sick NOT evil.
Cords - my God does not mete out punishments to his beloved children who he gave the dis-ease of addiction to... the dis-ease is a 'punishment' enough until they wake up.
There is a reason why I am cured only for today as long as i take my medicine.
If i stop taking my medicine, ill get back into my own personal gehennom... thats 'punishment' enough.
And the medicine begins with "trust God"
This thread now belongs in the non addict section of the forum for all the people who need chizzuk to stop doing aveiros.

Re: Breaking a bad habbit 05 Sep 2017 22:51 #319837

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GrowStrong wrote on 05 Sep 2017 22:40:
I am sorry but this whole thread is now niggling me the wrong way.
Reb HHM all those punishments in the Torah never stopped you from acting out for 30-40 years because you were a sick person.
Sick NOT evil.
Cords - my God does not mete out punishments to his beloved children who he gave the dis-ease of addiction to... the dis-ease is a 'punishment' enough until they wake up.
There is a reason why I am cured only for today as long as i take my medicine.
If i stop taking my medicine, ill get back into my own personal gehennom... thats 'punishment' enough.
And the medicine begins with "trust God"
This thread now belongs in the non addict section of the forum for all the people who need chizzuk to stop doing aveiros.

Glad to hear that you are so plugged in. 12 steps teach humility, as in we have no clue as to what our God does or doesn't do. To decide that your god punishes thru addiction (in the first place), and that it is sufficient enough seems to me as a pretty brazen statement and assertion. Perhaps tell your god what to do and what not to do.

Personally, I am not convinced at all that my God even gave me this addiction.

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Last Edit: 05 Sep 2017 22:52 by cordnoy.

Re: Breaking a bad habbit 06 Sep 2017 03:39 #319846

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I will not deny in the slightest that I suffered from a sickness. And yes once I was deeply stuck in the habit of acting out, fear of punishment was not a deterrent. My point was that we cannot reinvent the Torah where there are clear punishments for aveiros. Once one is addicted his/her nekudas habechira may be such that he is/she is not held as accountable or accountable at all for their actions. (see Michtav M'Eliyahu). However the first few times which got us hooked in the first place may be something we will be held responsible for.

I am not passing judgement on anyone. I only wrote to ask for clarification of a statement that seemed to imply that our loving Father does not punish.
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Re: Breaking a bad habbit 06 Sep 2017 05:34 #319857

Manessmann wrote on 05 Sep 2017 05:43:
True that Hashem is a loving and caring G-d, but throughout the Torah we are also reminded about how He deals out punishments. And seriously, I have sinned and sinned severely many times throughout my life and afterwards begged for forgiveness and mercy. I made many promises and vows in the past to straighten up and change, but eventually always going back to a life of a sinner. And many bad and unfortunate things have been happening in my life which leads me to believe it is - measure for measure -  Hashem losing his patience with me due to all my broken vows.



Being amazingly arrogant, I'd like to weigh in on the discussion. Not saying that to weigh in on a discussion you gotta be arrogant... However, to weigh in thinking you have all the answers, might be. 

Ok, here are ALL the answers (Help! They're stoning me!)  

From a Judaism perspective, G-d definitely gives rewards and punishments (see 13 principles of faith of the Rambam and every other Jewish book in existence  

However, this doesn't mean that G-d get's "fed up" or loses patience. G-d is omnipotent. It's silly to ascribe human characteristics to him. He doesn't have a finite amount of patience, or anything else for that matter. 

When G-d punishes it's out of love. It's to nudge a person in the right direction (see 19 letters from S.F Hirsch). 

Imagine life without pain. Would that really be good? You would put your head in the fire and feel nothing,.. You would die

If you hit a guardrail on a road it will damage your car. That sucks. But would you rather fall off the cliff?

Because of G-d's love he punishes, not in spite of it. 

Oh ya, and I totally agree with those who are saying it's completely ridiculous to try to figure out if G-d is punishing you etc. DUDE! G-d is crazy smart! You ain't gonna figure out his system. He's kept it secret for years!!!

PEaCE
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Re: Breaking a bad habbit 06 Sep 2017 11:26 #319873

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cordnoy wrote on 05 Sep 2017 22:51:

GrowStrong wrote on 05 Sep 2017 22:40:
I am sorry but this whole thread is now niggling me the wrong way.
Reb HHM all those punishments in the Torah never stopped you from acting out for 30-40 years because you were a sick person.
Sick NOT evil.
Cords - my God does not mete out punishments to his beloved children who he gave the dis-ease of addiction to... the dis-ease is a 'punishment' enough until they wake up.
There is a reason why I am cured only for today as long as i take my medicine.
If i stop taking my medicine, ill get back into my own personal gehennom... thats 'punishment' enough.
And the medicine begins with "trust God"
This thread now belongs in the non addict section of the forum for all the people who need chizzuk to stop doing aveiros.

Glad to hear that you are so plugged in. 12 steps teach humility, as in we have no clue as to what our God does or doesn't do. To decide that your god punishes thru addiction (in the first place), and that it is sufficient enough seems to me as a pretty brazen statement and assertion. Perhaps tell your god what to do and what not to do.

Personally, I am not convinced at all that my God even gave me this addiction.

B'hatzlachah to all

Thanks.
Humility is slated in for 2023.
Punishment was written with inverted commas for i see it as a gift.
I am never sufficiently grateful (actually that phrase triggers me to be annoyed but ill use it here) for God creating the circumstances in my life that made me an addict, which brought me to recovery.
Either is God is everything or He is nothing.

Re: Breaking a bad habbit 06 Sep 2017 12:43 #319876

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Mannesman, you definitely got the oilam to write....   Curious, have you ever heard anyone reliable from our generation use the terminology that Hashem has lost His patience for a specific individual? Instead of being so hard on yourself, get in touch with the chevra here and let them help you recover. You seem like a serious and intelligent guy who wants to get better. B'ezras Hashem you will.
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Re: Breaking a bad habbit 06 Sep 2017 13:30 #319881

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It's fine, I'm not being too hard on myself. It was more of a figure of speech anyway, but some people just like to start big debates about phrases and words which don't suit their views. We're all different, some will be more reform, others will be inclined to a more stricter orthodox view. There's no need to argue about anything. Thank you all for your input, you all had interesting points to make and I've enjoyed reading them. G-d bless you all. And yes, I know there is much that I can learn through all the trials and tribulations of life. There are blessings in disguise. For example, I would have never come across this website if it weren't for the unfortunate events of my addiction progressing. And through this website I have learned and gained much new knowledge, and a wiser outlook on life. I feel like I have got so much closer to Hashem and the teachings within the Torah, Talmud and other holy writings.
Last Edit: 06 Sep 2017 14:11 by Manessmann.

Re: Breaking a bad habbit 24 Sep 2017 02:08 #320499

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90 days clean!
Today I am clean from lust for 90 days. An interesting time to reach this milestone, just after Rosh Hashana and before Yom Kippur. I will do extra teshuva in the next few days. I feel happy with my progress and I'm confident that I will not go back to being how I used to be in the past. I would not have got this far if GYE didn't make an appearance in my life. I thank Hashem for showing me the right way, I thank everyone who contributed to this site and all the writings/books/pamphlets that helped me overcome the temptations of the yetzer hara. Also, I really enjoy reading through all the discussions and posts on the GYE forum. There are so many wise, learned people here to gain new knowledge from. I'm not going to relax and let my guard down now though, because there is still a lot of improvement and tesuva to do. I will continue reading and re-reading everything I've learned so I don't forget.
Last Edit: 24 Sep 2017 02:11 by Manessmann.

Re: Breaking a bad habbit 24 Sep 2017 03:23 #320502

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Manessmann wrote on 24 Sep 2017 02:08:
90 days clean!
Today I am clean from lust for 90 days. An interesting time to reach this milestone, just after Rosh Hashana and before Yom Kippur. I will do extra teshuva in the next few days. I feel happy with my progress and I'm confident that I will not go back to being how I used to be in the past. I would not have got this far if GYE didn't make an appearance in my life. I thank Hashem for showing me the right way, I thank everyone who contributed to this site and all the writings/books/pamphlets that helped me overcome the temptations of the yetzer hara. Also, I really enjoy reading through all the discussions and posts on the GYE forum. There are so many wise, learned people here to gain new knowledge from. I'm not going to relax and let my guard down now though, because there is still a lot of improvement and tesuva to do. I will continue reading and re-reading everything I've learned so I don't forget.

Mazel Tov. 
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Re: Breaking a bad habbit 24 Sep 2017 16:32 #320515

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Mazel yov. Super accomplishment. As you wrote, very appropriate time of year. May Hashem give you continued s'yatta d'shmaya! Be an inspiration for all of us - keep posting please.
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Re: Breaking a bad habbit 10 Jan 2021 01:07 #360940

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How u been buddy?
Please come back! We need You!!

Re: Breaking a bad habbit 15 Feb 2021 07:15 #363414

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 10 Jan 2021 01:07:
How u been buddy?
Please come back! We need You!!

^!!

Re: Breaking a bad habbit 15 Feb 2021 19:28 #363434

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Hello,

I'm still here. I've been here the whole time. I'm still battling this thing. I've been disappointed with my progress so I stopped posting. After hitting the 100 day mark it was still really hard. I failed at around day 110 I think. Since then I've been resetting my 90 day counter again and again and again. I've cleared my log a number of times too because I didn't like seeing all the failed attempts. I haven't reached 90 days again since. A lot has happened, there's been some difficult times. Every relationship I've had didn't last. I've got a good feeling about this year though, I think 2021 is the year I'm finally going to nail it and overcome the yetzer hara. I can tell something good is going to happen this year. This is a fresh start again. I will report back when I hit 30 days clean. 

By the way, I'm studying some really good books on bitachon at the moment: 'Shaar Habitachon of Chovos Halevavos' and 'Beis Halevi on Bitachon (with commentary)'. Many of my questions have been answered reading them.
Last Edit: 15 Feb 2021 19:30 by Manessmann.
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