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On the Way to 90-Days

this time for real
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: this time for real 1762 Views

this time for real 20 Jun 2017 22:18 #315757

  • hashiveinu
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I have started my 90 days!
But what is so special? I have had streaks of sobriety for more than a year and a half at a time so whats the big deal about 90 days.
This time its different. This time its for real. I had been sober for so long in the past that i thought i had total control. I just knew i would never fall again. I probably can get rid of my filter. this yetzer horah has finally been conquered! But then i fell again. But I knew exactly what triggered it. I knew it just wont happen again. This played itself out again and again. 
Until I found GYE.
I now know that there is no situation which triggers it, There is no way i can "conquer" this yetzer horah. He will be with me for the rest of my life. I must control myself and protect myself no matter how sober and invincible i think i am. i know i may fall but thats not proof of failure. if i thought i was conquering it, then a fall is a failure. But thats not my job. my job is to learn how to control myself and deal with my problem. a fall is a lesson for the future. something to learn from, how to avoid it next time. Its a reminder that i can never take a break from consciously protecting myself. 
This is what is different about these 90 days. Its a 90 days of (וחטאתי נגדי תמיד (תהילים נא,ה. It is not 90 days of false feelings that the yetzer horah is gone. its 90 days of development. 90 days of creating a הרגל for keeping clean although the yetzer horah is in my pocket with me whereever i go.
May Hashem grant me the strengh and the siyata dishmaya so needed to keep clean and away from all nisyonos. May this be the begining of a life of purity and kedusha. May all those struggling with this nisayon be zoche to find their way to learn the tools to pull through. May we all be zoche to a geula sheleima, amen.  

Re: this time for real 20 Jun 2017 22:21 #315758

  • Hashem Help Me
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Welcome. Looking forward to more insightful posts like this one.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: this time for real 20 Jun 2017 23:07 #315760

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hashiveinu wrote on 11 Jun 2017 03:41:
hi. im new to gye. ive been learning in kollel for over 5 years and im considered a ben torah. my struggle started when i was about 14 when i was introduced to these toll free phone numbers... until i was about 20 years old i would look at inappropriate pictures, fantasize, and was mz"l. eventually i stopped being mz"l and have not done it in the past 10 years. however, i still will have tekufos where i would let loose and watch porn for a week or 2 straight. although i officially have great filters, i find ways one way or another. when i cant get access i find myself fantasizing. i can have months that im clean but then i fall again. it really interferes with my learning and i feel stupid that people consider me a choshive yungerman. the double life is killing me. i dont know if im considered an "addict" being that i was able to conquer the urge to be mz"l but i am well aware that i have a hard time controlling my eyes and thoughts. as many kabolos etc i make i always end up slipping up again. i would appreciate any advice and help that can be offered.


Brother, we've all done the introspection thing before GYE

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