Hello everyone.

My name is David. Why am I here? Because I am tired. Tired of fighting this thing alone. Tired of struggling in the dark.

It's time to come clean. Entirely clean.

I am 25 years old, an audit clerk, still living with my parents until I can afford my own home. I can still remember when I first discovered masturbation. I was 13. All these years I have been lying to myself. That it's natural, harmless, by design. Even after I discovered pornography at 16 I still lied to myself that porn is evil, but masturbation is not.

After struggling many times to quit porn, and succeeding, but falling again because "Masturbation is harmless", I have had enough. It's been 12 years now. I've had it.

I can never become the man G-d wishes me to be, the man my future wife deserves, the man I want to be, if I keep on going on like I have.

I am, therefore, taking a proactive approach to this. I know where my weak spots are, the times I am most susceptible to the temptations. I have them mapped out, and will avoid any and all triggers at all times. Furthermore, I am committed to re-program myself, to have an instinctive reaction to fall on my knees before G-d, literally if possible, but in my heart and mind if not, at the slightest suggestion of temptation, and beg Him to strengthen me and protect me until the urge passes.

But please, while I have so many plans, I fear I may miss good advice, and that is why I am posting here, to get some perspective as well.

Here's to a successful 90 days, that I aim to take one day at a time.

Welcomé!

Sounds you have been around here for some time and are slightly under the influence

Safe recovery bro!

Thanks for the encouragement my friend.



As a matter of fact, I have been on GYE a few years ago, but I never took it seriously enough.



As to sounding under the influence, maybe I'm just tired, but I don't drink alcohol.



Thanks once again, I really appreciate it.

I like the commitment to the plans. Can you elaborate please on their implementation?

David de Oude wrote on 23 May 2017 19:45:

MarkZ was talking about your lust issues.
Driving something like a Monstah Truck it's best to be completely sober
Welcome back!

Ah I see, well he was on the money there. Thanks for clearing that up. Thanks for the welcome! 

The concept is simple, I mean to put distance between me and the material. I have deleted all apps on my phone that normally served as stumbling blocks, even Youtube. My iPhone restrictions are set up, password is 5311, Job 31:1, to remind me of my commitment. 

Furthermore my phone no longer sleeps on my bedside table, as this was where I normally succumbed. I don't even charge my phone next to my bed during the day, I aim to keep the thing away from my bed at all times. My computer faces my room door, which is only closed after I have switched off all electronics and gone to bed.

Being a deeply religious Christian I have drawn strength from daily prayers and quiet time in the past. I aim to do so now again, campaigning against this thing daily before G-d, and to also use prayer as an emergency mechanism.

For now, that is the scope of it.

Thanks for the encouragement!

I remember you well. Great to have you back.There is quite a bit of material right here on the forum.
Take advantage of it.

​May God grant you the assistance you need to live the clean wholesome life you so yearn for!

Thank you so much! I definitely aim to make use of as much help as I can get. I plan to post on my log with every milestone on the chart, but will post more frequently if I can find the time.

Thanks for the welcome, it truly helps to know that I am not alone.

Hi everyone!

Okay, it's been 24 hours. I have decided to try and post at least once a week, and definitely as I reach each of the 90 day chart's milestones. 

So I've reached level 1, back on the chart. I have this serene peace of mind about the whole thing. I am finally manning up and doing something, something progressive. I realise I am at war, and in war one has to be vigilant constantly, vigilant about literally every move you make. I read on this site that this becomes a way of life, and I fully understand why. I also intend to adopt it into a way of life. 

One of the key motivations I have is to be able to go to my father at the end of the 90 days and show him what I have achieved through G-d's mercy and GYE's help. You see, my dad knows of my struggles, and he has helped me in the past, but I just cannot bear it to go to him and ask for his help, I am overcome with shame just at the thought of it, even though I know he will never push me away.

I know it's early days yet, from experience I know that it's going to get tough, but I have never taken such serious steps as I have now, and I am more than willing to proactively take more steps if necessary.

Pray for me, my friends, I am going to need all the help I can get.

Welcome (back)!

Sounds like you are taking it in hand, doing your part, and being REAL about it. I wish you much success. Your sincerity is very inspiring. May God Help you on your journey.

Best of luck!

Many thanks! 

It means a lot to have so many friends ready to support me. I can only hope to one day return the favor!

I've done it! I've reached the next level! 3 days.

Now that I am well and truly sober I can take proper inventory. My plans and fences stays the same, at this point the only thing I can do more is to keep training my mind and adopt a mindset condusive to my healing process.

The past 3 days I haven't had much in the way of temptation. Naturally in today's world you can't get away from the media completely, and even people in the workplace sometimes dress provocatively. But I have set a guard in front if my eyes, whenever I see anything remotely triggering I immediately avert my eyes, and remind myself of the covenant I have made with them. Of course, avoiding areas where I may see triggers entirely is the best medicine, but I am referring to instances where it really is unavoidable.

I have to remain extra vigilant, as the weekend lies ahead, and free time and boredom has sunk me before. I shall post again Sunday night, to keep you updated.

Shabbat Shalom in advance!

Hi 
Perhaps implement a daily reading of supporting material. Not for long, just something you do daily rain or shine, irrespective of your mood.
These readings are informative  and can also assist you in keeping your mind alert and aware.

Thanks for the advice! Do you have any suggestions? Link me if possible.