LOVE it!!!!

Ohh is that true, that's where being honest with yourself comes in.

Those sweet days are over since to many people know of my struggles.

This morning I was able to talk and daven to hashem to please show me the way to him.
even though I don't mean it with a emes but one day I will!!!

Hashem please put me on the right path!! There are so many ways and path with potholes on the way to you help me be on the path to you!

I am not doing this for myself, I don't know if I will have this world or the next but I am doing it for my family and because you say that lusting is not good for me. I am willing to ruin my life and anybody in my path,please hashem I know that you are sending me here because this is your will but please don't let me get stuck here let me do your will not mine,let me give my life over to your management.

Please let me realize that the way I am living my life is poisen,show me which way to turn and send me to the right people!

Thank you for everything you give me,you give me so many good things in life and I know without you I would be lost,  I know you love me to no matter what I did or will do I will always be your dear son, you are waiting for my return, I don't know what's in store for me in life!Maybe you want me to struggle with this all my life,please help me accept this with happiness and be happy with this struggle and not be nagative about it,and realize that this nesoyen can and will bring me closer to you!

Day 27!!

Today was pretty tough,I was dealing with some old fantasies and some STUFF (let's keep it like that) maybe some sweet vulnerability!!! Ahhh don't we love that!

I just kept on saying this is not the normal way,this is not good for you and I blessed any woman and tried not to feel resentment towards her!For heavens sake what did she do to you, she has her own life and does not need you at all!

Asked hashem to remove this quite a few times and just prayed for today, I also have to say that talking to myself I did not feel pressure at all I felt very at peace!
I also had some time to meditate at a nice stream that was great too!

Hashem I want to want you!!!

Day 36, was a hard few min but at the same time a great day!!

I was hit totally off gaurd with something that was a trigger to me when I left work, and let's just say I took that first sip and refilled a few times till I was able to move on!! Now I had to deal with all those yucky selfish feelings the type that says screw you all I'm having a good time now etc.....

But the good news is that being that i am somewhat removed from past reaction I was able to feel and recognize what I am feeling and was able to ask hashem to help me for now to remove this selfish thoughts and then I was able to laugh and say "hey nutjob I hope you realize that these people kissing in the street are normal people going on with life(they might be wrong doing it in the Street but they don't deserve you staring at them) I am the one that is the nut, hear that nutcase!!!! And then I blessed them to b happy etc... This only comes from traveling out of the tunnel though I still am in there but I am almost emerging!! 

Hashem may I continue to do you will and not mine and continue to see the truth!!

Great job seeing humankind as people deserving of your blessings

Mr nutjob, you deserve some too!

Oh and sorry I left out a very important fact I went ahead and called a freind and told him what I did!!!ouchhh

Markz wrote on 03 Mar 2017 03:13:

Yoh. A quote and then another reply with your comment in a spoiler. That's impressive.

Keep it up, tiger! I hate when people kiss in the street. But I remember when I used to. And I know why I did :-)

What's up with tiger!!

Its day 48! Learning is minimal davening is svach and I know that it's because my cheshek has been burnt to the ground with some terrible stuff!! But who cares about the old days I feel reborn like a baby in pampers learning to walk for the first time! I am thirsty to anybody who God sends to help me (and he sends his messengers all the time)be it yiddish, chassidish, litvhus, sefardush, goyish,I am always listening out for God!

Last week I had an acquaintance open up to me(don't know why) that he is struggling with addiction, who knows God's ways!

tiger wrote on 15 Mar 2017 02:52:

Help one another! What an opportunity!

Hello freinds, was wondering if anybody has any ideas on how to keep this struggle real??

Personally I find that as you move along it is very easy to forget your matziv!! 

Forgetting=falling. 

tiger wrote on 22 Mar 2017 01:54:

As a non addict addict, I don't have this problem
I guess youre a nonanon

tiger wrote on 22 Mar 2017 01:54:

Dov suggests writing out your Step 1. All the dark stuff. This is for addicts and non-addicts alike. And maybe when you feel you're invincible, then go over it and see what you've done ..

tiger wrote on 22 Mar 2017 01:54:

I used to forget within 24 hours (on good days)
I find that focusing on recovery is helping me.
Its not a hobby I come back to that I keep for when times are boring.
Its something I am immersing myself in daily.
For some that means groups, and sponsors and steps are needed.
Whatever works best for you, you should do, but my advice is for now, don't treat is as a hobby, treat it as part of your daily seder.