lionking wrote on 20 Mar 2018 03:27:

Yup, you're spot on, it's an SOS. 

At the end of the day it's up to me, I get that. I thought I wanted to stop, maybe not, not really sure where I stand. Dunno where the motivation will come from. 

I think that we always want to stop, but sometimes we want other things more than our want to stop.

I think it is important to realize this seemingly small distinction.

If this is true, than we have to address why we would want other things more...

bb0212 wrote on 20 Mar 2018 01:43:

If you didnt care you would not have posted buddy!

Hashem Help Me wrote on 21 Mar 2018 05:07:

Good point. The issue is (I believe) not that I don't care about anything in the world, rather, that I don't care for the "right reasons". 

When masturbating gets in the way of my life, when I stay up till the wee hours of the morning to look at porn, it's exceedingly clear to me that I'm behaving in a dysfunctional and destructive manner. Therefore,, I decide that the porn & masturbation is interfering with life, and thus, I must stop.

However, after a month or so, when I crave that pleasure, I try it again. And I can last for quite a while without sleeping enough. Ok, I'll come to work a bit late, but it's not that bad.

Meanwhile, the reason that I should be stopping has nothing to do with work or sleep. It's because it's bad for me. But I don't know how much I care about that. After all, if I cared about it, would I still be sinning???

Bb0212, what an honest post! thank you!true, if we could only not porn or mb notONLY because it will bring dysfunction to our lives, but ALSO because it is wrong and not good for us , then in a time where it seems that porn and mb wont disrupt our livesbut the the thought of its wrong still remains that would be mamash a hatzala! do you have a suggestion perhaps how we can increase our awareness that without the dysfunction reason , its wrong and not good for us ?i would appreciate it! hatzlacha!

ieeyc wrote on 26 Mar 2018 01:00:

No, I don't know the answer, it a real shame. 
Btw, that's why I wrote that I don't know if I care. Caring only because it's dysfunctional isn't caring about not doing the wrong thing. It's caring because I care about my desires and there are conflicting desires, therefore, I have to pick one side - in this case either continue porn & masturbation or stop it and go to sleep. But I want to care about God and I want that to be the reason that I stop. But apparently I don't actually care, which is hurtful to type. But if I cared, wouldn't I succeed more? Wouldn't I succeed at all??

Hi there.
Is been a long time since I stopped in over here.
Been a constant fall for months now.
I also have great difficulty davening - when I daven. This started before my current masturbation streak, so I can't directly tie one to the other. Of course it is possible that all the masturbation is wrapping darkness around my soul and that's the reason for the difficulty in davening.

That's all for now.

bb0212 wrote on 27 May 2018 09:12:

Hey. Sorry to hear you're going through that.
Perhaps it's the reverse? That you can't bear all the darkness wrapped around your soul, so you turn to masturbation to escape. Just a thought. That's how it is with me, I think.

May God give you strength and clarity. Keep comin back.

bb0212 wrote on 20 Mar 2018 18:55:

I recently came across this article, maybe it can help with the motivation.  G-d knows I'm not there yet, but ODAAT!   
guardyoureyes.com/12-step/item/what-dov-does-when-he-s-bored-2

lifebound wrote on 27 May 2018 09:30:

How does one go about removing the darkness around his soul ? I've been trying to figure that out for a while now ...

i-man wrote on 27 May 2018 23:22:

By focusin' on light.

Hi Bb0212,
long time didn't see you here.... (maybe because im not here that often, nah!!) Im soory for you, i know how it feels, but dont worry, thats why you and we are here, its the best place on earth, question is, why didn't you come here earlier  so we can help you right away?
anyway, thats part of the game, we all have a huge YH, and he is not sleeping, he will let you stay clean for a loooooong time, and then, boooms, traaaach, a huge fall, but dont let your self be dragged from him, you can do it, just pick yourself up and march forward, all of your falls are not separate falls, but its all one long fall, and now tell your self enough is enough, start from fresh, as soldiers for Hashem's army we wont let you down on the battlefield  lets run together....
waiting to hear from you good news, do it for us...

Lets focus on Today only, because “The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now” and remember “Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing”

Thank you

i-man wrote on 27 May 2018 23:22:


First of all, stop adding to the darkness.
Then teshuva takes away the klipos. A klipa is a peel. The way I understand it, the neshama is absolute light. It's beautiful and warm. When we sin, we cover the light with a peel of darkness. The more we sin, the thicker the darkness surrounding our neshama. The thicker the darkness, the more difficult it is to connect to our neshama.

So why, why why why, do I continue bringing darkness onto my life?

bb0212 wrote on 28 May 2018 05:35:

Hi BB,

Sorry to hear about your struggles. I pray you should be successful this time around. Can I make a suggestion to listen to Cord' He usually knows what he is talking about.
cordnoy wrote on 27 May 2018 23:35:

Perhaps don't focus so much on stopping to add to the darkness, first fovus on Asei Tov.

Hatzlocha Rabba!

My sister just gave birth to a really cute little boy.

Last year, she gave birth to a little girl, the girl died soon after.

The boy was taken to the NICU for monitoring. I'm terrified of what may happen.

BN I'm going to be clean for 90 days from today, please Hashem, shower happy news down upon us! Please, give a refuah shelaima to this innocent little boy.

You don't need me to stay clean to change anything in this world. You owe us nothing. I should be clean regardless. But I'm asking you, Abba, please take this zechus of the next 90 days of שמירת עניים ושמירת הברית and send it all to this נשמה טהורה.

Anybody reading this, feel free to take on something yourself. Smile to somebody today. Smile to yourself!