MayanHamisgaber wrote on 04 Sep 2017 18:08:

Dov talks about this too
on his Bein Hazmanim call at minute 60

Thank you Markz for the mara makom
It is partially what happens to me
Here is to a great bein hazmanim

So the  truth is that I have not been updating my chart so as not to have the embarrassment again by announcing a fall but I will say it anyway I DID NOT MAKE IT TO Y"K!!!!

I started again now but I feel bad about myself  it was so stupid not to reach out to those that were holding out their hands to me 

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 17 Oct 2017 22:27:

Sorry to hear.

I kept my phone with me, even on yom tov.

oy gevalt!
Maybe we should make another OINK meeting for you.
Are you still around?
or did you move to shmutz la'aretz?

Sorry for the delay in responding trying to not be in the computer as much....
Yes I am still around for now though it seems that I will be leaving next zman possibly earlier

Quick update
Cutting back on how much I am on the computer as I feel it may be causing me to feel triggered and edgy 

On a happier note we are awaiting a simcha this zman  as well as Hashem has provided us with an amazing kollel to go to next zman 

I am davening that I may continue to see Hashems help in everything and that I may be able to go thru this without losing my "sanity"

I feel like giving up the fight with the YH , its so tough so hard.
its goes back a looong time (over 10 years)
How many tears I had already shed not to fall again, only to fall again and shed another couple of buckets.
The guilt feelings, the double life, the constant fight.... just cant anymore!
Please help!! feel like giving in and just stop the looong fight

my life changed when i learned i was sick getting better and not evil trying to get good.
Do you think you moved past the point of bechira into something akin to an addiction?

Many of us here know your turmoil and pain. You are not alone. stay connected and iyh you will get better. The day will iyh come where you will look back and celebrate how you changed your life.Hatzlocha.

Path of life wrote on 23 Oct 2017 05:59:

You may or may not be an addict.
I'm an addict I gave up and I'm trying to let Hashem into my life (really I'm trying to live Hashem's life) using the 12 steps. Look at my count that's not a lot of sobriety. It doesn't make a difference for the next 24 hours I can survive without lust. I'll use the tools I have so that I shouldn't be led there.

to Mayan hatzluche rabba whatever you do. I dont understand why you are not doing 12 steps live meetings. I am mevatel daas to whoever you ask. I know very close to nothing but maybe ask again. the joy of living the steps is indescribable it can take you thru anything (even in laws)

Path of life
I am sorry to hear that you feel so down
But you came to the right place kudos to you for posting and just try to listen to the great truckers hear and you will do fine

Mikestruggling

Thanks for the well wishes 
As to your wonderment I am not an addict and I feel live 12 step meetings will do more harm than good ....

Path of life wrote on 23 Oct 2017 05:59:

Mine was/is over 35 years.

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 23 Oct 2017 12:10:


Live meetings may not be good...

But don't get into the trap of some that are addicted to saying "I'm a non addict", give yourself a few years to decide and maybe get a 2nd opinion because אין אדם רואה אדיקשנס עצמו

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 18 Dec 2016 12:08:


You have already opened up to rebeim, so why not open up and keep a running kesher with another recovering gye?

btw If I'd be getting caught I'd definitely consider myself a powerless addict and would take for myself the necessary Truck route to sanity

Maybe you prefer living it out in the land of insanity? Hey - I'm just kidding
Have a great day ;-)