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I will make it b'e"h

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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: I will make it b'e"h 227265 Views

Re: I will make it b"h 29 Dec 2016 23:48 #301570

mayanhamisgaber
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serenity wrote on 29 Dec 2016 00:28:

Thank you for sharing. It sounds to me like your behaviors progressively get work. I also hear a certain amount of powerlessness and unmanageability. I can relate to thinking I don't have resentments against my wife.

hatzlacha

yes it has gotten progressively worse but only in intensity i have not done anything other than stated above
and have given a lot of thought and DO NOT resentments to wife this is not contradictory to getting frustrated and the like

very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: I will make it b"h 30 Dec 2016 00:05 #301572

mayanhamisgaber Current streak: 44 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1198 Karma: 71	Shlomo24 wrote on 29 Dec 2016 00:42: Thank you for your share. Sounds pretty intense. I relate a lot to the story. You said you opened up to people in the past and it didn't help, what else didn't help? The first step to finding a solution is identifying the problem. probably never helped because never kept up filters always have a way around them
	very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: I will make it b"h 30 Dec 2016 00:07 #301573

mayanhamisgaber Current streak: 44 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1198 Karma: 71	Shlomo24 wrote on 29 Dec 2016 00:42: I also have to admit that the part about thinking an ejaculation was a medical problem was quite funny to me. The first time I masturbated I thought I had peed. lol ignorance is bliss (yeah yeah go ahead and shoot me for that i deserve it)
	very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: I will make it b"h 30 Dec 2016 05:07 #301595

shlomo24 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 134	So the only thing you have tried is filters?
	If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: I will make it b"h 30 Dec 2016 10:57 #301607

mayanhamisgaber Current streak: 44 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1198 Karma: 71	correct what else can i try not ready for taphsic on 90 days joined a group but need a new one...
	very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!! Last Edit: 30 Dec 2016 12:39 by mayanhamisgaber.

Re: I will make it b"h 30 Dec 2016 11:44 #301611

Markz
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czworking123 wrote on 30 Dec 2016 10:57:

correct what else can i try not ready for taphsic on 90 days joined but need a new one...

I suggest you change your name to something more humanoid. It's currently like a blimp on the computer screen
a-z123, or at least have a human emotion like workingguy or skeptical or serenity (those are taken, but something similar).

Then I'd ask you what the risks are in getting on the phone and calling another guy on this forum or speaking to your Rav?

And i dont buy Taphsic as the sole sobriety tool

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Re: I will make it b"h 30 Dec 2016 13:29 #301626

mayanhamisgaber
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Markz wrote on 30 Dec 2016 11:44:

czworking123 wrote on 30 Dec 2016 10:57:

correct what else can i try not ready for taphsic on 90 days joined but need a new one...

please forgive me for not being so savvy (dumb) but how do i change my name

risks are none just wife and myself not comfortable giving out our # to the guys here and unless he is in israel the times just don't work.
my Rav/Rebbe is in the usa and quite frankly i don't want to talk to him even though he knows all for every time that i have talked to him whether about this or not he always puts me down hard (maybe that's part of my problem)

thanks for the chizuk guys keep it coming

very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: I will make it b"h 30 Dec 2016 13:31 #301627

gevura shebyesod
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Maybe it's time for a new Rav.

!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: I will make it b"h 30 Dec 2016 13:42 #301628

mayanhamisgaber Current streak: 44 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1198 Karma: 71	i have a really hard time telling more people (there are already at least 6 that know) i know that this is stupid but i really can't do it again (right now at least)
	very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: I will make it b"h 30 Dec 2016 15:34 #301647

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8203 Karma: 426	Gevura Shebyesod wrote: Maybe it's time for a new Rav. Maybe? עשה לך רב והסתלק מן הספק .
	My Story---------Dov Quotes *FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING* *Click HERE to checkout;* • 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more... • Awesome Threads Saved for You • Cast Your Vote ➣ GYE Plenty Solutions ➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: I will make it b"h 02 Jan 2017 02:46 #301764

thanks613
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Shlomo24 wrote on 29 Dec 2016 00:42:

Thank you for your share. Sounds pretty intense. I relate a lot to the story. You said you opened up to people in the past and it didn't help, what else didn't help? The first step to finding a solution is identifying the problem.

I also have to admit that the part about thinking an ejaculation was a medical problem was quite funny to me. The first time I masturbated I thought I had peed.

I went to the bathroom and turned on the lights to make sure it wasn't blood.

But I doubt that's helpful for anyone to know..

Re: I will make it b"h 02 Jan 2017 04:07 #301776

mayanhamisgaber
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Day 15

guess i had a sign that Hashem loves me yesterday....was signing on to gye when a dating site came up(i have a very strong filter but the name is the same as a kosher site so i guess it fooled the filter

)but when the initial sign up was done it wouldn't load anything so B"H i didn't see anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
guess the shock of being caught is wearing off... gotta up the awareness and defenses....

had a really good thought that i have so many things to be thankful for and it made me really happy loving wife 2 adorable cute kids more or less stable life...

very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: I will make it b"h 02 Jan 2017 04:10 #301777

thanks613
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czworking123 wrote on 28 Dec 2016 23:01:

anyways to the point here i'll try to tell my story (moderator if this should be in the balei battims forum let me know).

first a disclaimer I LOVE my wife and she has been a great source of strength and i in no way harbor any resentment towards her. also my background is totally yeshivish though my parents are from more modern backgrounds and would be considered balei t'shuva and have an older brother that went off for a while(see #4 below) but s now married and growing a frum family but not a yishivisha guy.

it started when i was 7 or 8 with m totally accidental and didn't know a thing (even asked hashem that whatever just came out of me shouldn't be a medical issue) and it developed to p on the internet finding ways to sneak onto the computers .... even was caught a few times all before my bar mitzvah then in 9th grade over heard a joke tried it myself and now was also hooked to phone chats and the like ... got caught a few times even admitted it a few times over the years opened up to my parents a few rabbaim mashgiach didn't help for to long just found ways to cover it up more ... in bais medrash years never got caught and really went nuts with the phones ... went to israel and continued stats quo admitted it once when messed up and got a friends card charged but didn't stop for to long got married AND STILL CONTINUED but wife found out ....

now about 3 days before signing on to gye wife busted me again so here i am.

my problems are like this :
1)I'm not a outgoing person by nature and do not have alot of friends which gets to be lonesome
2)my loving wife cares alot but is a very closed person upstairs and downstairs and has been the cause for much tension and stress (yes some has to do with my warped mind but i really feel not all of it is bec. of it ) (cordnoy i think here is where we will relate the most)
3)i'm a sensitive soul that gets down and needs outlets from the stupidest things that really should not bother normal people
4)I was the cause (there were other reasons but i started the process) my brother was so angry for years for he was blamed for using the internet for p when i started and i have still never told him or apologized and it still eats me up.
5)family tensions are skyrocketing since my fathers petirah a few years ago and it drives me insane to see everyone fighting and it does not help that we are the "mediators" for everyone.

well that that any comments or points that need to be clarified please let me know really want to finish this though i know it can take a long time

Hey czworking123 (how's that name change coming along?).

I actually wrote out a long response to you, which was probably a mussar shmooze, though I talked myself into thinking that it wasn't. Then I decided I better go back and read more from your thread before I posted it.. I got lost on the forum along the way, accidentally deleted everything I had written, and I'm kinda glad I did, cause then I re-read this post of yours, and actually payed attention (paid attention?)

Sounds like you've got a lot of really awesome things going for you - a great wife, great kids (best wishes for your baby to feel better). And some really challenging and stressful things, lots of which are basically beyond your control. There are definitely (probably) guys here that can talk to the wife stuff more - I'm not one of them. If calling is farther than you want to go right now, you can send a private message to them or be in contact through an anonymous e-mail account.

You said ask for clarification, so I will.

I'm wondering about how you see yourself as not outgoing, don't have a lot of friends, and being thrown off by "stupid" stuff that "normal" people hardly notice. I don't know more about you, but are you being too hard on yourself? And do you think those parts are as important as the other issues you mentioned? Just trying to better understand.

B' Hatzlacha!

P.s.- just some food for thought. My experience with opening up about my problem with lust to people I meet through GYE or similar places is very different than opening up to people in my life that do not share my issue. Each might have pluses and minuses, but one of the pluses is that there is less shame to open up to someone on GYE because they "get it" without me needing to explain it, and there is less need for me to feel ashamed and hide it afterwards. Personally, If you find someone on the forum that you think you trust and respect, I don't think there is any harm sharing your phone number, real name, heck even your social security number (or Teudat Ze'ut ID #) with them. But there are always anonymous ways to reach out at first, either in the U.S. or Israel. I'll still be awake when you wake up, as will many people here. I'm just saying, you have options. Good luck!

Re: I will make it b"h 02 Jan 2017 04:20 #301778

mayanhamisgaber Current streak: 44 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1198 Karma: 71	thanks thanks613 actually gotta go to shacharis in a few will post later be"h (still waiting for markz to tell me how to change my name)
	very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: I will make it b"h 02 Jan 2017 05:06 #301784

thanks613 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 280 Karma: 13	Pray for us. And I couldn't figure out how to change the name either.. Good night!