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Road to 90 days (how I succeeded, and you can too)
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Road to 90 days (how I succeeded, and you can too) 151110 Views

Road to 90 days (how I succeeded, and you can too) 17 Nov 2016 07:53 #297995

I don't understand how being here is going to help. 
Perhaps posting my progress and struggles will help other people.
Perhaps I'll receive encouragement and good advice and support.
I sincerely DOUBT that I can just succeed for 90 days (13 weeks),
just because I decide I want to, SINCE I've failed so many times 
in the past. But maybe this time is different, because I will post here,
and have 2 experienced guys I've been emailing regularly.
B'ezras HaShem, I will finally succeed and break free from this bad habit.
Last Edit: 14 Feb 2017 15:41 by Yosef Tikun HaYesod. Reason: change title of thread to something better

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 17 Nov 2016 08:28 #297996

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Hatzlocha Rabbah!

One day at a time. Just work through the next waking hours. Keep posting. Community and integrated are fierce weapons against the lust.
Being here is not going to help.
DOING something, derived from the advice given here, will.
PG you still only have a "bad habit". However if you try and fail consistently, if it consumes your thoughts all the time, if you can't wait for your next fix, it might be an addiction. I know because I went through the motions, no matter how convinced I wouldn't fall again. But surf the forums. You'll get ideas on what to do in the natural course of time.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 17 Nov 2016 11:26 #298001

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I don't understand how being here is going to help. 

Perhaps posting my progress and struggles will help other people.

Perhaps I'll receive encouragement and good advice and support.

I sincerely DOUBT that I can just succeed for 90 days (13 weeks),

just because I decide I want to, SINCE I've failed so many times 

in the past. But maybe this time is different, because I will post here,

and have 2 experienced guys I've been emailing regularly.

B'ezras HaShem, I will finally succeed and break free from this bad habit.
Welcome Yosef



Do you understand why you look at shmutz? 


If you did, you probably wouldn't be here



Do I understand fully why being on GYE helps me?

No, but it works, and I've seen it help addicts and non addicts



So maybe let's try lower the understanding, and raise the sobriety bar (like guardyoureyes.com/forum/profile/my-profile/userid-3610" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/profile/my-profile/userid-3610">gibbor120 has been doing for the past 7 years)
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Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 17 Nov 2016 14:08 #298006

I really liked that 5-minute video you have at the end of your post.
Very enlightening.

If things are going well with my family, my shalom bayis, my job, my weight, my learning, my parnasa, and my friends, then it stands to reason that I wouldn't be tempted to go into aveira territory. I think that's totally true. The only thing is that VERY RARELY are things going well in all of these areas.

But it was interesting nonetheless..."opposite of addiction is connection," I think is an intriguing quote from the video. Thank you.

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 17 Nov 2016 15:51 #298013

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Welcome

KeepI communicating with Mark and others.

B'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1Page 2Page 3Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
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Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 18 Nov 2016 11:54 #298049

Another good day.
This feels kind of crazy. 
When there is no real problem, it's a win.
But when there is a big test, I usually lose.
Now, I might DELAY the loss for a few hours or days,
but I VERY RARELY win, when I have a big test.
I'd like some help with that.
My big move is that I am starting to talk to HaShem informally 
and asking Him to help me succeed and beat my Y.H.
(in addition to writing here and going for 90-day chart)
All real advice born out from experience is welcome!

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 18 Nov 2016 12:40 #298050

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Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 18 Nov 2016 11:54:
Another good day.
This feels kind of crazy. 
When there is no real problem, it's a win.
But when there is a big test, I usually lose.
Now, I might DELAY the loss for a few hours or days,
but I VERY RARELY win, when I have a big test.
I'd like some help with that.
My big move is that I am starting to talk to HaShem informally 
and asking Him to help me succeed and beat my Y.H.
(in addition to writing here and going for 90-day chart)
All real advice born out from experience is welcome!

I think that talking to God and surrendering is very helpful. Good for you.
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com
Last Edit: 18 Nov 2016 12:41 by shlomo24.

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 20 Nov 2016 07:20 #298089

Up too late at night. 
Read someone's 90-day forum posts, that is over 600 days now. 
(to get some insight how to succeed).
He wanted to get to Meron for Lag B'Omer clean.
But he has no idea HOW he succeeded.
Not too instructive for me.
Also, although being clean every single day since joining,
he felt that he needed to go to live addicts meetings.
Hard to relate. I wanted to learn from other people's experiences.
He did mention that he davened to HaShem to help him pass the test,
especially when there was a big test. But I think I have done that 
in the past, and it still just delayed what seemed inevitable.
-----------------
So, who has something instructive, learned from experience, that I can
gain from, that will help me succeed?

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 20 Nov 2016 08:48 #298090

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Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 17 Nov 2016 14:08:
If things are going well with my family, my shalom bayis, my job, my weight, my learning, my parnasa, and my friends, then it stands to reason that I wouldn't be tempted to go into aveira territory.

We must have watched different videos. The one I watched didn't use the word 'averioh' or 'sin' even once. He said 'addiction' a lot.

Please don't use these terms inter-changeably, they are not the same thing at all.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that calling an addiction an aveiroh is what puts many addicts right back in the first cage.

But then again, most people who 'struggle' with pornography are not addicts at all, so feel free to ignore my ramblings.

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 20 Nov 2016 10:11 #298091

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An excellent piece from someone who has definitely learnt form experience. Hope it helps.

One request - please read it more than once before commenting on it:

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/124072-Dov-Quotes?limit=15&start=120#214808
Last Edit: 20 Nov 2016 10:15 by Watson.

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 20 Nov 2016 11:26 #298097

I almost failed today. 
I'll tell you what helped.
I read: guardyoureyes.com/articles/tips-suggestions/item/the-science-of-habit-change?onepage=1
I also thought about calling someone on the helpline...and almost did.
This article about the nature of HABITS and HOW to break them is fantastic!
It will take re-reading it and implementing the steps in my life to discover how to break MY bad habits.
--------------------------
I read the post twice that you suggested, and I think it would be great to know HOW to give it up in my heart one day at a time, as opposed to resisting one day at a time. This is not discussed or explained.
---------------------------------
Also, just as an aside: I strongly disagree that HaShem considers that you have already sinned, knowing that you will sin (let's say) in 5 weeks. Only for mitzvahs does HaShem consider machshava k'maaseh...NOT for aveiras! And if you hold out for 5 weeks and then sin, HaShem rewards those 5 weeks tremendously and they are as precious to Him as doing positive mitzvahs. It's not at all as if he has done/accomplished nothing, just because HaShem knew he would eventually sin in 5 weeks. That's ridiculous and wrong.
Here is the part of the post I'm referring to:
When B'nei Yisroel (on Rosh chodesh Nissan) went to take the korban Pesach (in four more days!) Hashem writes: "And Bn"Y went and did as Moshe commanded them." Rashi brings that they went with the intention, knowing that come the 10th of Nissan, they'd take the goat/lamb, and come the 14th, they'd shecht it, etc. In their hearts, it was a done deal. So from right then, Hashem says He considers it that they already did it all!.

Sadly, the converse is also true. We all know in our hearts that we cannot hold our breath forever. So, as inspired as we may be to hold our breath and resist getting that sweet orgasm/fantasy/porn joy we need...we are fully-aware that we are eventually gonna pop. We have not given it up at all, see it as an eventual necessity, and a masculine right. The only guarantee, then, is that we will need to act out when the maximum tolerance of # days clean is reached. So from the truth (Hashem's) perspective, it is as though they already masturbated.

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 20 Nov 2016 11:46 #298098

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Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 20 Nov 2016 11:26:
I strongly disagree that HaShem considers that you have already sinned, knowing that you will sin (let's say) in 5 weeks. Only for mitzvahs does HaShem consider machshava k'maaseh...NOT for aveiras! 

There you go, talking about aveirohs again!

Giving it up in your heart means just that. It means letting go of the delicious pornography, from the depth of the heart, not just in words. Not holding onto it inside and fighting it from the outside, but just letting it go entirely. Not indulging, not resisting, not obsessing, not connecting with it. Just getting on with life.

Dov explains it much better than me. Keep reading from that thread I linked. My experience with Dov's posts is that they make me angry for a day, and healthier for a lifetime.

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 20 Nov 2016 11:48 #298099

When I wrote "go into aveira territory" I simply meant watch inappropriate things and act out inappropriately. In the video, it was the rat drinking the poison heroin water.

But, I will watch the video again nonetheless.

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 20 Nov 2016 11:50 #298100

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The point it that when a guy gets hit by a train, it's not the fifth carriage that kills him, it's the first.

It's not the porn video that I watched as I masturbated that gets me in trouble. It's the one I first watched to escape from life.

As soon as I typed that first word into my browser, I had relapsed. No I wasn't in the bathroom yet, but it was a foregone conclusion.

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 20 Nov 2016 11:52 #298101

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Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 20 Nov 2016 11:48:
When I wrote "go into aveira territory" I simply meant watch inappropriate things and act out inappropriately. In the video, it was the rat drinking the poison heroin water.

I know you're using the terms synonymously, that's exactly the problem.
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