The original expression is "you can't have your cake and eat it."

BTW I sound harsh because I'm trying to say things in a straight-forward way. Sugar-coating is enabling, and enabling your disease is the most unloving thing I could do.

This is just an opinion, but I think this thread is feeding your disease. Your disease is creating all this bilbul and the forum is a great breeding ground for this. It's having a field day with written forms of communication. It's doing it so well that you seem to not even have a clue what I mean when I say it, even though it's so clear to everyone else. My guess is that you're reading this thinking you're in the twilight zone again!

If you're serious about this can I suggest you call Duvid Chaim, ask him to get you a sponsor and start calling in to his phone meeting every single day (Mon-Thurs). I found the calls a great start to recovery and many have found recovery in his group. And you don't even use your real name. Sweet deal, no?

Deal.
I just wrote him an email:
Hi,
I watched a few of your motivational speeches on GYE.
Then Watson just suggested I get in touch with you.
1. When does the next group start? 
2. Would you please get me a good, patient sponsor? 
3. Can I jump in and listen on Monday? 
4. Does it matter if I strongly believe that this is a yetzer hara fight, and not an addiction for me?
------------------
We'll see. I'm willing to give it a try...and noon NY time is actually doable for me.
I agree with what you wrote, and value your opinion, which is why I already emailed him.

I don't really have much to add to what all the other eloquent and blunt posters have to say, but you asked

i think the the point is that it's time to stop stopping and start living. Enough playing with making fences and then trying to climb over. That might get you stopped in the short term, but it's a game that will not get you anywhere in the long run. The strategy there is to learn to live. That means developing a method to cope with your resentments, fears and all the other things that make you want to escape back to your drug. Then you can trade in your fencing uniform for a suit of shining armor. 

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 20 Jan 2017 00:36:

Big step!!!!!

Gevura: True, bru.

As Dov says on his calls, the moment you start trying to sneak through your filter, you've already broken it.

Well done, that's a great step. With true willingness, open-mindedness and honesty you can't go wrong. 

Just so you know, in case he hasn't replied by Monday, you can call into the group anyway. There's always plenty of time for questions and you don't have to use your real name.

Yosef good for you for taking these steps my only problem is that you threatened to stop posting when you find a live person to talk to and this thread has been a wellspring of info and chizuk  especially with all the "tension" which one day (soon) we'll look back and laugh.

looking forward to seeing your new thread I"'M BACK" telling us the end of your journey!

B'hatzlacha

You misread what I wrote. I said I wish I had a real relationship with a Rov who understood these things and could help me, and IF I had that, then I would stop posting here....because it's been VERY frustrating.

I agree that there have been some amazing posts, and I've taken those real ideas and acted on them.
I'm not going anywhere or giving up so fast. But I would like to be more encouraged and instructed to do real concrete things I can do, and helped to do the things I can't do, and not told I have an addiction, and I'm doing everything wrong or not really wanting to stop.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 20 Jan 2017 11:59:

Yosef, 

You write you would like to be encouraged and instructed.... I guess the thing that might be very hard for you is that this process doesn't necessarily work the way you would like it to. You want to be told things that no one seems to want to tell you, and the things that you are told you don't really want to hear.

That really stinks, I know. But it jumps out at me as a reminder how much it's not up to us in this situation. We got ourselves into this pickle somehow, and we can't get ourselves out. So other people become involved and then we need to hear what they say.

Its a true reminder of how little we alone can control in this problem, and how letting go of our own preconceptions is vital to recovery.

I really think you're making tons of progress, as everyone else does. It's painful, but you're growing and doing hard things which will serve you very well in recovering. 

Did you ever speak to anyone from gye or only write in the forums? the human connection has helped me tremendously (not SA meetings - just speaking to a few successful people) and maybe would help you too hatzlocha!

Yosef
I'm not hinting anything in the following but this is how I try to look at things told to me and assume so do others 
MayanHamisgaber wrote on 20 Jan 2017 11:24:


maybe i'm wrong it doesn't matter since this is what works for me and that is the only thing that matters to me

B'hatzlacha

I'm looking for something pretty simple: if you have gotten to 100 or more days clean, 
HOW did you do it? Then, I will be able to follow in your footsteps.
Now, if the answer is specific to addicts, then that will be less helpful to me.
But there have to be a lot of successful people here who are not addicts 
that can simply list off the 3-10 things that have helped them most.
Please do so!
This will be a lot more helpful than just critiquing my list.
I want to gain from those who have come before me.
Everyone is different, and maybe I'll choose a few from 1 guy and a few from another.
But I don't have to "reinvent the wheel".
-----------------------------------------------------
HHM, share the specifics by email.

This last email was right around your sweet spot of 120 words, Mark.
And #303668 in bold was too.

OK, let me try to tell you what got me over my first 90 days that I did on GYE.
I decided that I have to watch my eyes no matter what, so I stopped watching movie trailers, movie clips, and stayed off YouTube completely. It wasn't locked up, but I was so angry about my last fall that I decided that I had to absolutely stay away from seeing things that would trigger me. So, I actually even stop Reading some of the news that I like. I just made sure to watch my eyes wherever I go.

I was successful in watching my eyes on the computer and less so in real life. I didn't struggle at all over those six months or so well actually I did for the last month or two but for the first four months I did not because I wasn't saying anything figuring and so nothing was going on.

Basically, I was willing to give up any sort of looking at anything so that I shouldn't be triggered.

PLS SEE MY PURPLE REPLY INSIDE YOUR QUOTED POST

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 19 Jan 2017 22:15:

Throw out your toolbox
Take 1 or 2 small things today
Duvid Chaims group is a great tool package

My waze says you're on the road to success!

I'm looking for something pretty simple: if you have gotten to 100 or more days clean, 
HOW did you do it? Then, I will be able to follow in your footsteps.
Now, if the answer is specific to addicts, then that will be less helpful to me.
But there have to be a lot of successful people here who are not addicts 
that can simply list off the 3-10 things that have helped them most.
Please do so!
This will be a lot more helpful than just critiquing my list.
I want to gain from those who have come before me.
Everyone is different, and maybe I'll choose a few from 1 guy and a few from another.
But I don't have to "reinvent the wheel".
------------
Workingguy, one main move: concentrated on not seeing anything triggering.
Hopefully, 5 or more people will answer this succinct post.
Have a good Shabbos everyone!