if a very good one could be found and if a way could be worked out to pay for it, 
then I would certainly be willing. 
But these 2 "ifs" make it near impossible.

There's an organization called Relief that might be able to help.

Shlomo24 wrote on 03 Jan 2017 18:25:

II am not sure if relief helps in his area.

Additionally, as a general rule, they do not provide fundin'.

One point: when it came time (overtime) for me to see a therapist, I invested a lot of time, disclosure and eventually money to do just that.

Every situation is different.

I believe it is not free but a lot cheaper.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 03 Jan 2017 16:42:


I've seen you grow as a person on this thread in the way you relate to other people.

What a day. Lots of thinking and posting and emailing.
Failing didn't even enter my mind!
19 days clean.
---------------------
Yaakov thinks I should try the taphsic idea/shavua/electric fence.
VERY hard. Lots of yetzer hara fight not to even look at it...or listen to him describe it.
Probably a good sign that it might work!
Finally, I listened and read it all.

But it's VERY hard picking all the actions in the different steps:
1.what I have to do before I ever fall (or else suffer a big kanas)
2. what I have to do as a small kanas, if I ever fall, chas v'shalom, after doing all the step 1 actions
3. what I have to do as a big kanas for impulsively giving in and failing

I even have to decide how exactly to define a fall...since it had been wasting seed intentionally,
but he writes/says that going to a porn site and watching it could/should also be called a fall in its own right. That's a step farther than I was prepared for...not sure why...it's certainly forbidden "lo sasuru"
and often, 7 out of 10 times, let's say, leads directly to wasting seed. Just didn't think about it as a fall until now, for the other 3 out of 10 times. I still don't know.
-------------------------------------
I think step 1 will be: email people and post both here and on group 196 thread,
hoping to get some positive response/that will talk me off the ledge,
and say several Tehillim/maybe 10 of them, which will also give time for email responses,
and ask HaShem to help me pass this test and get through this and take away the big desire to sin/act out,
and then read the responses I get.

I think step 2 will be: update my chart and threads honestly
(which is very embarrassing and hard for me to do),
and go to the mikveh (which I hate doing),
and do the dishes for one night - start to finish/table to cabinet, (which I also hate doing).

I think step 3 will be: I will do all the actions of step 2, plus I will have to clean the whole house for Shabbos that week, which I am not interested in doing (and only did whenever my wife was pregnant),
and I will have to go without eating any nuts or diet soda for a whole week, including Shabbos
(since I started eating healthy, I crunch on nuts instead of junk food/chips, pretty much daily, and I drink a lot of diet soda - almost a whole bottle a day).

I like all of your steps except for part of the last one. If you eat nuts to stay healthy than that is a positive step in your life. I don't think limiting a positive aspect of your life as a knas is a good choice. It sort of like saying i'm going to knas myself that I cannot go to daf hayomi for a week which I have been successfully doing for a year now.. a little counter productive, don't you think?

Other than that keep going brother!! 

And maybe you can substitute something very sour and 
awful tasting for the nuts and soda. That way every time 
you think of the sin down the road you will remember the 
awful taste of the food you had to eat for a week and you 
will bH hold yourself back to avoid the taste again. But it 
has to be something that you really want to avoid and is 
not worth the peritsut! 
This is probably easier said than done but I wish you 
hatzlacha. 

Yosef

I don't know who is this Yaacov guy

I dont buy or sell the whole Taphsic Shevua thing for regular guys here like you and me
At all!

If I was in your shoes I'd make a Shevua as follows 

"I hereby commit bli neder to allocate my $350 annual soda allowance toward 2 sessions with my local Therapist"

What does Yaacov say about this?
Oh and what do you say about it?

In the meanwhile you can replenish with the national gye drink

Watson, did you mean that going through the relief organization
is not free, but it's a lot cheaper?
Mark, your post was really funny!
I didn't think there was more than 1 Yaakov here. Kind of like saying Dov. 
I don't know if it will work either, but it's probably worth a try for a month.
And I do like Woodford Reserve bourbon, so perhaps I'm in the right place after all.
Who's buying? It's pretty expensive, so I haven't bought it for a couple of years now. 
CC, I hear your idea...you are right. It really is tricky. It can't be a mitzvah,
or even a good thing for myself that I will have to do or not do, because then it won't weaken
my yetzer hara at the shasnisayon: "well, I better not do this, because.... what??" 
I'll have to do a mitzvah, or good thing, so what? How will that stop me?
Or, like you said, if it's that I will stop doing/not allow myself to do a good thing or a mitzvah,
then that's ridiculous too. It has to be something I don't want to do, but that is basically pareve.
EC, I like the sour, bad tasting thing idea...to leave a bad taste in my mouth from acting out.
I talked this over a little with my wife...maybe not a good idea, in retrospect. It's really hit or miss.
In the end, after insulting me, she said: "try it for a month, if you think it might work, and cleaning the house for Shabbos includes all the toilets! And I think cleaning the house should be for a whole month."
-----------------------------
So, I think step 3 will be: I will do all the actions of step 2,
plus I will have to clean the whole house for Shabbos, 2 weeks in a row, including all the toilets,
(which I am really not interested in doing),
and I will drink a full shot of lemon juice every day for a week,
not including Shabbos, so 6 days, ending and including the day that I sinned/fell/acted out
impulsively, without first doing all the actions of step 1.

I appreciate the feedback and wishes for hatzlacha...I'm gonna need it.

Yes, I believe therapy through Relief is at a reduced rate.

just a thought everyone let me know what you think but setting up step 2 (going to the mik and doing dishes) while a great idea to keep busy and something spiritual to occupy ones mind however is it really a good idea to commit to do things that you hate so much it can lead to giving up on the Taphsic all together (see gye handbook if i'm remembering correctly it cautions against shooting to far to high to quickly)
true that we need to motivate ourselves just make sure you are not biting off more than you can chew

Keep up the great work let us know what the plan is

B'hatzlacha (formally CZ)

Which things have helped?  Which things have not helped?  What gedarim have you made to avoid triggers?  What positive things have you added to your life?  What attitudes or actions have you changed in your life?

These are just meant as food for thought.  Feel free to answer here or not at all.

Great cheshbon hanefesh questions...not easily answered. Food for thought, indeed.
I'd love to know your answers to those same questions. I can learn a lot from you guys with experience.

I've tried many things:
1. posting daily updates on my experiences and feelings, as I keep trucking along
2. updating the 90-day chart daily
3. reading the 20 steps gye book, which I got printed out
4. reading the 30 attitudes book, which I got printed out
5. emailing several people from the forums
6. emailing a support buddy/coach/sponsor ( even trying a few different ones, to find the right one)
7. talking at length on the phone 3 times to Dov (well over 4 hours total)
8. talking with Cord, and deciding to meet someone who he thought to set me up with. 
9. meeting him, a "success story" from gye...and talking at length with him in person (for several hours)
10. removing all streaming capability from my computer "Cold Turkey"
11. putting on time limits when I can access my computer
12. talking and opening up to a Rov about my problem and the possibility of giving my son 1/2 a password
13. giving my son the second 1/2 of my password, so that I cannot change the time or content settings
14. listening to the 12-part series of shiurim by Rav Ben Zion Shafier on tyvah called The Fight
15. emailing him and receiving his notes on the lectures, and then transcribing the shiurim 
16. listening to the 17-part series of shiurim by Rav Simcha Feuerman on The Chasan Shmooze 
17. taking notes on them, so it sinks in better and in order to eventually email him some questions
18. emailing Yaakov for help, and deciding to try his suggestion of the taphsic shevua
19. figuring out all the components of the shevua, to give it the best chance of working
20. davening daily to HaShem for help to succeed and break free (this should have been 1st)
21. listening to Rav Fishel Shechter shiurim on Yosef and Chanuka
22. transcribing some of the main points/insights and stories 
23. exercise-walking regularly to relieve stress and tension and get in shape
24. strengthening my night seder of learning with my son
25. posting on several new guy's forum threads, trying to welcome them and help them 
26. making a few "date nights" with my wife, giving her more positive attention (though still lacking)
27. going to a big Rav and having the chutzpah to ask how to succeed long-term and become a tzadik
28. instituting or reinstituting quality "family time" when I come home for dinner
29. opening up to a friend in real life, in person on a long walk
30. taking the SA are you addicted test
31. taking the actual shevua (hasn't happened yet, because I'm still deciding on the nusach)
32. going to the mikveh (hasn't happened yet, because I really dislike going, but I will once)
33. listening to music and trying to relax and "breathe" and calm down (though not too good at it)
34. reading a long article and watching a couple of videos on breaking bad habits 
and probably a few more things that I left out and can't think of now.

Speaking of adding things to strengthen your holy avoda have you 

guys heard of Emuna daily? It is a 5 min 5 day a week chizuk shiur 

by Rabbi David Ashaear. The shiurim are really amazing and I would 

highly recommend. You can listen to the shiur or you can read the transcript 

or both. The emails come via email and here is where you can subscribe: 

visitor.r20.constantcontact.com/manage/optin?v=001jiTQMKhPeLb-j888-5mGPgMvXfNrLpFnUKgDE15gra41WOuhTcMJBAFOMnybA1Yj2Fh3LcU0Gf5f5yRZtR8MvgvRAp8FzBI6i9qQns8IfW4%3D&id=preview