Watson wrote:

Watson I'm your shliach ;-)

Yay, Yosef! Yosef, Yay!

It takes a very expensive pair of pants to strap up and call a Rov. May you drown in your riches!
Vayeishev. It's your parsha. Shine!

I am up early. The benefit of not staying up late on the computer!!
Man, I really wanted to watch those episodes! But the truth is that once I would watch
those 47 "stupids", as my son calls it, there would be 10 or 15 more, I'd be interested in!
It's literally never-ending. They are free, available, enticing, numerous, and growing all the time.
Eventually, and perhaps inevitably, spending tons of time watching stupids/
streaming videos, leads me to watching porn and masturbating and wasting seed.
I know that my personal nisayon is that I am way more strongly pulled to the former,
(to watch regular videos), than to the latter (to watch explicit stuff and masturbate and waste seed).
I tried to express this in numbers on a scale, but we're not going there again !

Anyway, both are very bad habits that I am breaking free from, with HaShem's help,
and though I wanted to work on it differently, cutting down on the "stupids" slowly over time,
I have been "boxed in" as a support buddy called it, to do it faster with the Cold Turkey method.
I was VERY reluctant to try a 3rd helping of Cold Turkey. First of all, it sucks. Second of all, 
I tried it twice already and both times it lasted less than a week!
But, I am coming to terms with it. And this time, I feel a lot less alone.
My whole family is involved, I feel you guys are involved more and rooting for me, 
and my Rov is involved! AND I don't have the easy ability to just change it,
since I no longer have the whole password!! 

Gevura asked: "So after all is said and done, do you think you can hold out for 2 weeks?
Maybe by then you will find that you don't miss it quite as much as you are afraid of right now."  
The answer is yes. I am giving it a try for 2 weeks. My plan was that I intended to test the idea
of not having the whole password for 2 weeks, to see if I actually spent significantly less time
on the computer, with a strong filter that doesn't allow anything explicit,
but with emails and posting, and all the streaming videos I could do in the time limits I set.
And you know what they say: "Man makes plans, and HaShem laughs".
Now, it has also turned into a test of how I deal with giving up the stupids for 2 weeks...
and hopefully, for good!! (a 3rd and hopefully final helping of Cold Turkey!)
I think you are 100% right, that I will find after the 2 weeks, that I don't miss it quite so much.
I suspect that hopefully (Caution: mushel ahead) my lungs will start to clear up, 
and I will breathe fresh air for 2 weeks, and I will start to see the possibility and benefits of
not inhaling poison into my lungs, over and over and over again. 

(I am overweight and have a bad habit of stress-eating and celebratory eating, 
which I am working on, eating healthy, exercising, and losing weight, 
but I am not a smoker, Boruch HaShem.)
5 days clean...and 1 full day stupid-free/Monsta Cold Turkeying.
And I don't think I am "holding my breath" as I think Singularity asked,
but rather I feel I am finally breathing fresh air...(but still want a cigarette or 47!)

Yosef,

You're doing great! I totally relate to your struggle; I don't have a strong pull to pornography presently but I LOVE movie trailers, entertainment news, and the occasional streaming episode. But, it just doesn't work- the women on these things are all over the place, enticing, and it just has to lead to more and more and then something bad.

So I've also realized and struggled to come to terms with two things. 1) That I can't partake in this stuff and think it's not going to end badly or at least make me struggle more.
2)That for the frum person I supposedly am and the person I am trying to be for my kids and for the household I want to have, viewing this stuff is living a lie.

I realized from Dov's post the other day that the issue isn't that I don't masturbate or watch porn so I'm getting better; the issue is that as much as I am still involved in seeing any sort of stimulating or titillating stuff, I'm living some sort of level of lie.

Like you say, it sucks, it's hard, and he entire secular culture makes it that there is free indecency everywhere to make you want to read the entertainment site, watch the trailer, go searching for those pictures, stream the video, look at the magazine, get HBO or NetFlix, click on the click bait on the side of the page, read the entertainment pages is supposedly reputable papers, or trashy ones......and like the Maccabeats said- it goes on and on and on....and we don't want it to be "until our soul is gone!"

So we gotta do it, and you've made a great push!

I made a little chart to keep track of these 2 weeks.
I went to bed again on time. And learned night seder for the first time in over a month!!
And I learned a daf of Gemara, that I wouldn't have found the time for. So, this is 
already having VERY positive effects.
The urge to watch stupids is still there, but it's mainly out of sight, out of mind.

I wrote a long email, which means this will be short and sweet (relative to my usual posts).
My family is still "catching up to me": having dinner and family time together when I come home,
since for so long, I have pacified myself with the computer.
I came home, sat at the table, and nobody was ready. Nobody was there.
I think they are a bit in shock that I am seriously doing this.
Dinner and quality family time (real life) is way better than watching stupids.

I tried a frum suspense/thriller book, but couldn't take how bad it was after 20 pages.
Any suggestions? I read a Mishpacha in bed, but not too impressed with that either.

Kol Hakavod Yosef on speaking to your Rav!! Outstanding!

I relate completely with the movie/streaming video thing. Not for inappropriate content, rather more for entertainment (escaping from reality into a wonderful entertaining land). In fact, I would prefer if the movies would be clean, because then I could watch them with a clean conscience. In a way it is a bracha that everything has gotten so inappropriate since that makes justifying the watching that much harder. 

I don't like TV generally, but if I get sucked into watching a show/series, then I found myself binge watching the whole thing, which made me realize that I have a problem. (I think, for me at least, the movie watching is an attempt at void filling which my addiction also does). For the past bunch of months I have basically stopped watching movies or tv shows. I find that I have a lot more time and that I don't need it at all. (btw watching movie trailers or season premiers is problematic for me since then it gets me all fired up with a big taiva to watch the show/movie. )

to paraphrase what you have said so eloquently no matter how many movies we watch it will never be enough. 

Another thing I found was that when I was bored, or feeling lonely, I would choose a movie to fill the time. (the movie obviously didn't fix the lonely part )

Its a challenge, but the draw to watch gets less with time, and I am not saying that I wont watch a movie ever, just that I don't need to watch one now (or today) Seems to be working pretty well for me, but who knows.

These are just some of the things I have found that relate to me in terms of movie watching. I don't know if the same would apply to you or not, but this works for me and if your situation is in any way comparable then this is what works for me.

Wishing you much hatzlacha!!!!

It sounds like you have taken some very postive steps.  KUTGW!

Again, dinner wasn't ready, the table wasn't clean,
nobody was there and waiting for me, when I came home.
Nobody "gets it" that we are operating on a better, upgraded system
of reality now, with the family eating together and spending real 
quality time together for the first 45 minutes to an hour
after I come home every night. They have all gotten so used to 
the broken, bad system of behavior with everyone doing their own thing, 
that they are "caught off guard" when I ask where everyone is.

It takes over a 1/2 hour to get everyone and the table and dinner together,
and I feel a strong urge, with the force of a really bad habit, rise up inside of me.
I just wanted to escape and put on the computer!!!
The computer, that was always there for me, and soothed me, and 
kept me calm and entertained...plugged into the matrix, filling my head with
tyvahs and garbage, wasting my life, and hurting my real connections to 
HaShem and to my family...but always there for me.
But now it wasn't available!
And my son wasn't even home to put in his 1/2 a password, so that I could change it!
Wow...
The desire and frustration was real. I told everyone that if I am no longer going to have
the computer to escape to, then I want/need to have dinner and everybody ready
to spend family time together...on time, when I come home
(which is a known time within 5 minutes or so).

So, we were running very late. I was frustrated, but finally ready to start learning.
First, my son says it's too late to start learning. I got so frustrated, I yelled at him
(not proud of that reaction). Then, we finally started, and within the very first Mishna, 
we kept getting interrupted. My wife just wanted to ask him something, and then another thing,
they are talking in whispers using hand gestures back and forth,
as I read out loud the Mishna, and I got so frustrated, that I left the table.
NO learning, no shalom bayis, but no computer, and no late-night either.
I slept well, until I heard an animal on our roof at 5:00 in the morning.

I will make up with everyone today, so that I/we go into Shabbos with shalom.
I think I'm only 2 full days into Cold Turkey...I sure hope it gets easier,
because last night sucked!
--------------------------------------
An interesting thing to think about: Rabb Fishel Shechter gave a shiur on the parsha,
and said in the name of the Sfas Emes, that Yosef was a smart man. He must have known 
what she would/could do with his clothes, so why didn't he go back to pull it away from her,
before running out of there? The Sfas Emes answers that Yosef was indeed a very smart man,
and he knew that if he went back to grab his clothes away from her, HE might get stuck in
her grasp and do the aveira with her. He had to just run away, right away, without making 
any cheshbonos, even knowing full well that it might get him in trouble later. 
He eventually went to prison for many years based on this "evidence" of leaving his clothes behind.
Have a good Shabbos and Happy Chanuka everyone!

Brother I highlighted 1 part of your post today 

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 23 Dec 2016 12:09:


We are in the Parshiyos of Yosef Hatzadik. When Yosef's brothers were finalizing his sale to a gang of Arabs, did Yosef turn to them and say the following?

"Brothers don't!!  Im warning you - if you do that...
I am no longer going to have my fantasies to escape to IF YOU KEEP ME IN THE BROTHERHOOD.

But if you do this I will have an open pass to go OTD and do every sin under the sun, with the wife of Potiphar too"

I assure you he did NOT.
What did he say?
אין הדבר תלוי אלא בי

This is my situation GD is putting me and I will NOT survive it! Rather, I will make the BEST of it - REGARDLESS OF WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO TO OR FOR ME.

To pin your recovery and sanity on your family is not healthy

Yes a father needs to be home and spend time with the family as my therapist instructed me, but to make the announcement that you did, is not healthy

markz
true to pin recovery on someone else but i think what was meant that i need your help
but there definitely needs to be a change of how to say it

KUTGW
HAHACS and AFC

I agree. But what should I do?
I don't want to wait around for 1/2 hour, with a huge tyvah bad habit
that I'm trying to break..."calling out to me". 
I want to have family dinner time together, which is reasonable.
And I don't want to have that vacuum, which the computer used to (and still can) fill.
---------------
HAHACS and AFC ---please explain what this means in English. I can't even guess.

What worked for me was to learn mishnayos for my father zt"l read some biography help in the kitchen or around the house
basically you need to find a pasttime or hobby for times like this
Hatzlacha

O.k. I'll guess:
HAppy HAnukah Cool Shabbos, and Apple Filled Chicken

or

even better: 
HAppy HAnukah, Chanuka Somayach, and A Freilicha Chanuka

The 2 A's after the H's are throwing me off though.
HH would be Happy Hanukah.

Maybe you mean: Ha Ha like you are laughing.
Maybe I should get off the computer now.
GS and CS everyone!
(Good Shabbos and Chanuka Somayach)

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 23 Dec 2016 13:06:

Live life on life's terms.

It's not about what you want it's about what Hashem wants.

That's not always an easy mindset to have, especially when I'm hungry.

I once heard an amazing sholom bayis shtick, to always stop off at the bakery on the way home from work and buy the most delicious cookie / doughnut / whatever. You take the cake all the way home, get ready to open the door, eat the cake then go in. Suddenly, dinner can wait those extra few minutes

My apologies.

I wanna break a habit.
I want a family dinner.
I wanna learn with my son.
I don't want a vacuum.
I don't wanna wait.
Nobody got the memo that there is change going on here.

It's all about me.
That attitude is the one that needs to change.

And my friend, I am not picking on you. This was my life. I had my escape. I had my wants and desires. My wife wasn't following my fantasies of life. I was/am egotistical and a self righteous pig. The habit I needed to break was not theI damn movies, but the damn self. That was what was broken. 

It took weeks and months and years to change the feelingsI and the hurt of the past. It is still a work in progress.

Please think about this a little.....especially before responding. Please, I beg of you. Take it to heart. Yes, I may be way off and you are the most selfless person, husband, father in the world, but your posts (and perhaps it is your writing style) tell a different story.

May you be blessed with joy, serenity, simchos, nachas and all the other good things.