Watson wrote on 20 Dec 2016 00:08:

I sure as hell didn't like some of the things Cordnoy posted. But they have been very helpful  for me. 

I remember when a guy told me to stop going to SSA therapy, I wanted to strangle him. But he was right.

Shlomo24 wrote on 20 Dec 2016 01:19:

II didn't like some of the things he posted either.

Watson wrote on 20 Dec 2016 00:08:

hear hear 

I agree with singularity and markz also from experience and this tine even having only signed up for less than a week i feel so much better knowing these guys and others are there to help me (each other)
The main thing is to beat yourself UP and not beat yourself DOWN:cool:

We will do this!

4 days clean.
I think everybody's heart is in the right place, but I feel that there has been a lot of misplaced negativity and lack of sensitivity to me and my struggle. I don't want to be lied to or coddled, but I would like to feel more the right hand pulling me close, than the left hand pushing me away. Perhaps some have even got their hands mixed up (or we have a lot of left-handed people here).

I read everything, and actually called a Rov. 
AWKARD discussion back and forth, just to get him to understand what I am
suggesting and why. His personal opinion of me probably dropping, I explained 
that the computer has a pull that can suck me into spending more time than I intend to 
on it, and therefore, I want to set time limits for it to go off automatically, so that this doesn't happen.
These are controls, over and above the filter for bad content. But I can't hold the password
or else I can just extend the time whenever I feel drawn in, which wouldn't help too much.
It should be my wife who holds the password, but it can't be, based on bad experiences in the past when I tried to do just that, and she didn't and still doesn't understand that I didn't want her as a
judge and mashgiach, but rather just wanted to add a layer of that extra step, to give my yetzer tov
a good chance to win.

I continued and told the Rov, my idea, therefore, is to give 1/2 the password to my son, so that I can 
extend the time, if I really feel I need to that day, but only by him putting in the 2nd half of the password.
Wow...20 minutes more discussion and lack of understanding why would I want to get my son who is such a good boy involved in computers. I calmly explained that I never let any of my children on the computer,
since it is so harmful. I only want him to hold 1/2 the password so that I will be able to extend the time I spend on the computer, blah, blah, blah. Then, he says: but if you won't let him on the computer, because you realize how bad and harmful it is, then why do YOU need to go on the computer?

Wow...10 minutes more uncomfortable discussion and explanation. I email and write to people and get support, blah, blah, blah. Then the kicker, he says: "there is absolutely no heter to ever see a woman even with short sleeves." He said, my son shouldn't even see me on the computer, but I told him that I am not in a closed room on purpose, since I think that would be worse, and could lead to getting pulled even further down. I think he agreed to that, and ended the discussion with a 2-week trial idea, but ONLY if my wife would agree to involve my son. Otherwise, he defers to her.

Well, surprise...she is against it. She wants the control herself. Which won't work. She can't get past the idea that if I can get it turned on, outside the time limits I set, just by asking, then how is it going to cut down the time I'm on the computer. She thinks it's a farce. She wants to be able to judge yes or no on a case by case basis, which will almost always be no, and that is anyway mashgiachy and judging me...
no good. She said she wants to think about it for 24 hours. 

Then, the final straw was that my son, who was on board the whole time until now, hears that thing about the short sleeve shirts, and says: "I don't want to be involved in helping you do an issur." 
Wow...So, he'll only agree to hold 1/2 the password if I go Cold Turkey and take off all the stupids (streaming videos).

Wow....maybe this has all been HaShem pushing/helping/getting me to do the right thing. But I have a tyvah to watch streaming videos. I want to watch them. There are 42 more videos of a series I got into. My wife says: "you don't really want to watch those 42 episodes all about a fire." I say yes I do. But part of me doesn't. Both feel real. I really do want to watch them, and I really don't want to watch them. I don't know which way I am going to decide. Which part of me is going to win. Maybe I will just say forget it. I'll continue to hold the password, and improve slowly or not. I don't want a 3rd helping of Cold Turkey. It's tough. That's not what I was ready for, and is not what I decided. I wanted to add time limits that will work, while keeping "the stupids" as he calls it (all the streaming videos...regular/not explicit).
I take a long walk and think about it. Freezing cold! 

O.k. I am willing to try Cold Turkey hopefully for the last time.
The Rov assumed that's what I meant anyway, because how could I possibly be watching streaming videos. They have women actresses with short sleeves...and worse.

My wife says she is willing to try it for 2-weeks, like the Rov suggested, and then evaluate if it had any positive effect/toeles in curtailing the amount of time I spend on the computer.
So, the 2-week trial has begun. 
And the fact that I will have to report back to him, may actually help me. 
Tues, Wed, and Thurs night, erev Shabbos, Motzei Shabbos, Sun, Mon, Tues, Wed, and Thurs night
is 10 days. We'll see how effective this idea is over these next 10 days.

I wrote one of my two support buddies and he responded: 
Looks like you boxed yourself into having to quit your bad habits. I guess it's a good thing.

I want people to respond and tell me the truth. I don't want to be ignored or lied to.
Just please try to be less harsh and negative. Right hand and left hand. Thanks!

Yosef,

Your son is out of the question, your wife is against, you know you don't belong watching the videos. What option is left?

Did you write this after my post?

II commend you for talking to your Rav.

Very nice.

So after all is said and done, do you think you can hold out for 2 weeks? Maybe by then you will find that you don't miss it quite as much as you are afraid of right now.

Hatzlacha and KOMCT!!

Gevura, I think your signature line says it all!
I am guessing the meaning of those initials: Keep On Making Commitments To grow
Otherwise, please enlighten me.

cordnoy wrote:

Ditto

Keepz
On
Monstah
Craz
Trucking

Mark'

Keep
On 













Monstuh















Cold Turkey-in'

wow great things await you for having the strength to open up and to keep going even after those that are close to you "went against you" and gave you a hard time i've had some major falls from that in the past (been fighting this for 15-20 years!!) but the feeling of doing the right thing is far better than the feeling of doing the things that HE wants us to do just had that today (check my last post at group 198) and as a rebbe once told me HE may bounce back but sooner or later HE loses his bounce and stops!!!
May we all be zocha to see that day soon!
P.S. some of us might be the right hand while others will be the left
(I happen to be a leftie)

Keep
On 













Monstuh















Cold Turkey-in'


This is awesome! It has given me a sustained, genuine smile.
Thought you should know.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 20 Dec 2016 16:18:

Wow wow wow.  Yosef I am impressed. I didn't think you had it in you but I was completely wrong there. Well done, you did good. You did really good. This made my day. Asei lecha Rav ve'histalek min hasafek. Beautiful.

KUTEW (keep up the excellent work!)

Hats off to you. +1 karma. I wish I could give you 2.