Hi guys I'm on day 38 BH 
we each know how each fall can start. mine usually start with something very small and at the time it happens I don't even dream of the possibility that the end game the yetzer hara has in mind is a total freefall into the abyss.so I've been consciously looking out for all the beginnings so as not open the door to places I don't wanna go.yesterday I was reading a history about ww2 in the Pacific and there was a chapter about the natives on some of the islands and they were describing how undressed they go.now in the past without thinking about triggers I would've gone to YouTube to see what they're talking about.but now on my way to the computer .it hit me.NO this is a scheme.this isn't about history or geography or knowledge.this is about making you fall in afew days/weeks because heres what's gonna happen youre gonna see undressed woman and in 2 or 3 days from now you might modify the search and on and on till CRASH.it was the first time in a long long time that I feel like I won.
We each have that forbidden door we need to stay away from. I'm happy to share that I didn't wake up when the door slammed behind me.with the help from hashem and a little clear thinking I managed to not even touch the doorknob
I know it's  a very small victory and that in the future theres  going to be much tougher battles but hey I will take it

Welcome!

Great going!!!

So I bumped another thread in your honor today - by Kedusha 

guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/26225-Im-About-to-Slip!?limit=15&start=90#295767

Good going.

True. Funny how we can rationalise EVERYTHING.
and sometimes when I look something up on a known shmutzy site and there is something inappropriate, I play the victim: "Oh, woe is me! I was so innocent! How DARE they have such an image here?"
And then it just goes down from there.
And most times I search for knowledge knowing full well my dark intentions. It's a twisted duality we must all reconcile.

Now that I'm consciously (or conscious for the first time)looking for triggers I find that some "clean" magazines I get in the mail (cars trucks etc.)had advertisements that I now realize used to be the beginning of a downward spiral its amazing the amount of shmutz that's out there even when were trying to stay away from our phone while using the bathroom or just relaxing on the couch. if this is our life's struggle than we have to beware of it AT ALL Times even when we think we won't bump into it.now when they come in the mail they go straight to the garbage .BH my subscription is almost up I don't even want to call to cancel because knowing me they will give me a offer I CAN'T refuse and I'm afraid I will buckle.i told my wife to dump them as soon as they get here and when they stop coming hopefully that Will put a end to another potential trigger

Hey fellas with the main topic in this presidential election being women Etc. Any ideas on how to kind of disconnect 
Not that it's had any affect yet BH but why wait to find out and I have a feeling that it's only going to get more vulgar and graphic any and all ideas are welcome

What election?

Someone came on a few days so asking a similar question 

Bigmoish - you have my vote!

So here I am at day #66 BH have got to say it feels gr8 
motor trend magazine came in the mail BH I didn't even open it.it went straight to the garbage.2 quotes that I saw (sorry fellas I can't remember where) that I constantly repeat to myself in regards seeing and sometimes thinking inappropriately
#1-SEE BUT DON'T LOOK in other words when we're in a store and on the way to check-out you pass the magazine rack and since we aren't blind BH we SEE the covers etc.seeing it isn't the problem it's that second look that kills us so I've been telling myself SEE BUT DON'T LOOK and guess what IT WORKS so much so that just as a exercise I do it with cars roadside advertisements 
#2-I heard it from rabbi shais Taub.-THINK OF BUT NOT ABOUT
So  thoughts go through my head all the time about a wide range of topics. and amongst them POP something inappropriate. that's not the the killer it's thinking about it afterwards that kills us 

So far so good and if this helps anyone that's great

Meier wrote on 27 Oct 2016 13:09:

Me like.

I passed day #70 BH here's a couple of questions maybe some of you can answer.
on the one hand I'm very happy I've made alot of progress BH. but I'm afraid too. it's almost as if the devil is toying with me.
when a started this healing process i envisioned a bunch 
of hurdles each one alittle bigger and tougher than the last one. kind of like training in a gym.but It feels like I haven't had any real hurdles to jump.is that because I try to squash even the slightest thing that I know will lead to a fall.or is it a result of being open with my wife?was that all that I needed?  should I be proud or very weary or both??I'm sure some of you have had this crazy mix of thoughts. please give me some insight
BTW.maybe something that's helping me(again I'm weary)I listen to al Chet from R'Yossele Rosenblatt Zatzal very often.its from the al chets about the eyes and i feel that he composed it for people like us.take a listen with a machzor that has translation and you'll know what I mean

I hear you. My first time through 90 days at about where you are now I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I remeber thinking my history tells me that it is impossible for me to have been clean for so long. It is only a matter of time until I have a fall.

It is because first off it is impossible except for the help of Hashem. That part is fine. The bad part is I viewed 90 as some destination (still do to some extent) that I felt anticipation as I approached it. 

The key is not 90 but today. 90 is just a stack of todays. Live today. Trust in Hahsem today. Stay clean today. Just keep putting those todays together.

I was learning this week's parsha and I had a thought I would like to share that's very relevant to us
It says in the posuk "and avraham lifted his eye's"
As the meforshim write avraham avinu was sitting outside and Waiting for people to pass by so that he can be mekayem the mitzvah of hachnosas orchim.
We can learn from this a couple of things
First.the Torah could've written.avraham was sitting outside and he saw 3 people.etc.and the narrative would be perfectly understood
But no the Torah tells us "he lifted his eye's" to tell us that when avraham avinu lifted his eye's it was something out of the norm.HE KEPT HIS EYES DOWN all the time.only in the pursuit of a mitzvah did he lift them.
the second thing.that even while pursuing a mitzvah,even one as important as hachnosas orchim,avraham avinu didnt sit outside and look around to find people.no he kept his eye's down.only glancing up every so often.

even when we think we are doing something important 
Even when we're doing a mitzvah
the Torah is telling us that there's nothing as important as keeping our eyes down.

Just a thought

Meier wrote on 27 Oct 2016 13:09:

Me read again and me like again.