This morning after Sliches I had a thought which inspired me. Let me know what you think of it (I can also be totally wrong).

Elul shouldn’t be viewed as a threat or a time to get scared of the upcoming Judgment. Rather, it’s a mere opportunity to get closer to Hashem during a certain period, similar to the 90 day chart bringing addicts closer to sobriety. Consider it a way to jump-start a process, it isn’t an end in itself. In the same way that 90 days of sobriety will help for the future, the months of  Elul and Tishri were given to us to help become joyous the whole year around. We need to live a life of simche and appreciate all we have (instead of focusing of what we don’t have). We all need to live in a positive way, moving in negative thoughts will only cause us to be depressed and to feel lonely….

In Parshas Ki Savo it’s stated very clearly that we will be punished for not performing the mitsves with simche, not for merely not doing them.

We need to realize every day we are His children and without His help we’ll get nowhere. The good news: Hashem loves us (just look in Parshas Shema how many times the word Ahava shows up). The same way a father forgives his child and bestows him with unconditional love Hashem treats us, His children.

Don’t waste too much time thinking about the upcoming days, stay focused on today. Let Hashem decide whether or not we deserve a punishment.

Let the past rest, it’s behind us and belongs to Hashem and to Him only.

Let’s start to be be-simche today.

Wishing you all a wonderful year

Well said!

"We all need to live in a positive way, moving in negative thoughts will only cause us to be depressed and to feel lonely…."

What are we doing about long term sobriety - is different perspective sufficient?

Very nice.
Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur aren't supposed to be days of fear but rather days of simcha. The fear aspect stems from focusing on our past sins. the whole point of teshuva is to realize that what happened happened it was supposed to happen (sorry if it's a little deep)

360gye wrote on 27 Sep 2016 16:28:

What if they are not past sins, rather present ones?
When I continue doing them are they also supposed to happen?
Should I still be b'simcha, knowing that "it's all good," regardless of my actions?

I did not mean to say that you should be insensitive to aveiros, but to realize post-facto it is what it is and i am who i am because of it, no changing the past.
one should not say "i'm doing this aveiro because i'm supposed" That's the YH talking. Our goal in life is to attain kedusha and become closer to G-d.
when i heard a shiur on this i wanted to share it, but realized it would raise such questions, and i guess i got carried away here. sorry. 

No need for apologies. This is an open forum where you should feel comfortable sharing your thoughts.

I knew I cold count on you to be the devil's advocate, Moish. 

Many things said on this thread regarding Rosh Hashanah, yom Kippur and elul in general, are just simply wrong. "Don't look ahead"? That's nonsense! "Just be happy!" No worries. Hakuna matata. These are days of din, yirah and ahavah. There is joy in din as well. The seforim say we should be confident as well, but not stupid and ignorant confidence. If we have sins, we need to focus on them, ובפרט חטאות נעורינו. Present and past. 

Now, if one is addicted and he is recovering, for him, under the guidance of someone, might be better focusing on the present, but for the public!?

Hatzlachah to all

Thanks for a cold slap, Cordnoy.

There is a varying selection of people here struggling with porn and masturbation etc at many different levels and many who have very different versions of issues w/ Teshuvah and the Yomim Noro'im. So I am happy you qualified your critique at the end for addicts vs non-addicts. 

A thought:

You mentioned a positive focus on our sins and wrote, "If we have sins, we need to focus on them, ובפרט חטאות נעורינו. Present and past."

Based on talking with so many GYE guys over my past ~10 years here, it seems to me that one common thread here is that nearly no one here knows how to focus on their sins in a constructive way. And this is true whether the person is an addicted sinner or a normal sinner.

So many members report that they actually fall the most or the worst during - or right after - Yomim Noro'im!Or that they do not fall at all, but the selichos and y'mei haDin just drive them plum crazy. Even among the successful members, many seem to be drawn ever deeper inward during this time becoming ever more self-absorbed - then more self-centered - than ever. These are truly good people, mind you...like all of us. We are good, and not trying to be selfish or small. But this keeps happening and is a problem because they become harder to live with, weirder, fanatical, and/or don't stay clean anyway.

You describe so rightly the concept of healthy joy within Teshuvah, yet so few do that. Most of the joyful are good people and trying very hard - but, at best, (mostly) putting on a show. Emptiness and loneliness are things a lot of guys with big secrets feel, cuz all the kaporoh in the world doesn't erase their double life, and deep down they know it. Then comes 'zman simchoseinu' - but it feels like it is mocking them..."So you are wiped-clean now...nu, you really happy yet?"  Anybody relate to these feelings? I've felt them on many years, so I understand when guys here admit these tzaros.

Just saying. It's a tall order - probably an impossible one - for most guys here to positively work through these yomim noro'im...but you brought it up and b"H now I hope some here will actually quit the hakuna matata method and get a bit more real, as I need to do.

For me Elul and the YN were always confusing at the least, otherwise depressing and just counter productive.
What really changed my attitude was what I remember from a response from Dov years ago, in which he wrote (based on what i remember) that on RH he focuses as always on that day "one day at a time". This changed my whole perspective. Yes, the OUTCOME of the YN may have consequences for the whole year, but the avoda is to focus on today only.
This was in complete contrast to my previous attitude in which I  "planned" to stay clean etc for the whole year!! Today I don't know if I will be able to stay clean the day after RH, in fact on RH itself for that matter, but that is irrelevant. What matters is that today I do, what I am supposed today. 
Hatzlocho

Beautiful, YeshTikvah. Well said.

Yesh Tikva, you just expressed what I meant in a better way. Thanks for that

Obviously my 'concept' is based on addicts' way of thinking only, I have no reason to come up with explanations on the 'others' (ie the rest of the world).

The 90-day chart is not an end on itself; rather it should be used as a daily reminder that we are in recovery (you can compare it to the prisoner who draws lines on his wall to remind himself he's locked up). The actual number of days in sobriety isn't really important, being in recovery is what matters. It's important to stay focused on the real issue and not be blindsided.
Similarly, RH and YK aren't ends on themselves. Hashem wants his children to love Him every day, not just on these special days. Every day we acknowledge that we mean nothing without His help (in the Korbanot, after Parshas Ho-Akeido), in Shema we repeat many times over our love and affection for Him and then in the Shmoine Esre we ask for all our needs.
Nu, do we really believe we can take of ourselves without His help? And this process we repeat three times a day, quite obvious to me that this is what matters.
So, in my humble opinion the goal is to be a good -and sober- Yid every day, one day at the time. 
I do believe that key to recovery is building a positive attitude to life as this will help us lift our spirits.
Being joyful is key but not and end on itself of course. 
Being grateful to Hashem for all He bestows on us is key.
Recently I started writing down every night before going to sleep everything I have to thank Hashem for which happened during the day. I'm always amazed how full my paper is, Hashem loves us and always helps us. Sometimes it might be a little difficult to see it but He's there, no doubt. 

Guys pls see what cord and dov wrote above.
I wanted to share with you something nice Una wrote recently via email, and I quote