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Singularity's Journey

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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: Singularity's Journey 109696 Views

Re: Singularity's Journey 06 Feb 2017 14:07 #305026

Singularity
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Markz wrote on 06 Feb 2017 13:41:

Singularity wrote on 06 Feb 2017 13:25:

Markz wrote on 06 Feb 2017 13:14:

Singularity wrote on 06 Feb 2017 11:43:

I'm back!

That was my epic re-entrance.

Still trucking! Not to worry, Mark..

Shaky waters.
Beach holidays could do that to you.
Even though we went off peak. Took my glasses off mostly. And only went to the actual beach very early / very late. Still, was tough.

I let my eyes wander on numerous occasions. Just to peek at that woman over there. Not for any longer than 3 seconds at a time. But I knew where my head was at.
Wasn't for the whole holiday. Just the last day or two. Had a lot of stress. Work stuff, all things going awry. BH it's all okay now.

I was so overwhelmed and desired all lust things. Our holiday home was a mess and we needed to pack. And I didn't want to do anything. But things needed to be done.
So I just started to pack up the car.
And I thought to myself as I was lugging bags in the rain and mud:

The best way to deal with the stress of having to do things is, well, doing them.

And that's truer than true to me. And a motivator for not acting out.
Honestly, I set into motion my lustful thoughts a few times. No porn, masturbation, smutty images or anything like that. Just fatigue and the want to check out that woman on the beach. But I glance quickly and glance away. I don't think I need to reset my counter. I think that's a normal struggle. It didn't consume or corrupt me, BH. I asked God to remove my lust on several occasions as well.

Though I need to reset my sushi counter. I kind of had a ball with food these last few days. Not too much, but enough to say I need to wait another 4 weeks for a sushi binge. And the harsh reality helps me affirm my understanding of reward and punishment. It's a good thing.

I'm being brief. What's Pshat with beach holidays? My wife and I both love the ocean. And I love swimming in the waves. And you know what? Most of the time, that was my only motivation to go down to the beach! And I'm proud of that. But are beaches assur? Is it something I need to admit, and surrender as well? It's horrifying. But even one woman in one bikini... is the joy of swimming worth the anguish? I don't know. My head's fuzzy. I reach out to you all.

I go 5:30 to 8am

I wasn't so worried about your sobriety being away so long
I assumed you were on a 90,000km run

Running on quick sand isn't easy ;-)

neither beach sand : -P

You go alone or with the fam?

My wife loves to go
i simply can't be there after any bathers arrive, so that's the only time I can take the fam

It happened that she wanted to stay by the water a little longer so I waited for her in the car. Even that can be tough because there are women around the parking area too who haven't heard of vaad mishmeret hatzniyut

Blast it on your boombox.

my wife really doesn't function until 6:30 - 7:00 though. >.<

"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
One day... At A Time :-D

Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: Singularity's Journey 06 Feb 2017 21:32 #305049

mayanhamisgaber Current streak: 44 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1198 Karma: 71	hey bro imagine that you disappear for about a week and bang you come back full force great to have ya back KOMT
	very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: Singularity's Journey 07 Feb 2017 09:33 #305099

Singularity Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder To write, or not to write? Posts: 1507 Karma: 78	Thanks all. Funny pic from holiday. *A Wild Snorlax Blocks your Path* Drunk guy passed out on the steps to our apartment. Had to go all the way around
	"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?" "... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" One day... At A Time :-D Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley! My Thread

Re: Singularity's Journey 07 Feb 2017 11:47 #305107

mayanhamisgaber Current streak: 44 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1198 Karma: 71	next tome don't forget your' pokeflute
	very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: Singularity's Journey 07 Feb 2017 12:17 #305111

Singularity Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder To write, or not to write? Posts: 1507 Karma: 78	there were a bunch of guys there. All wasted. And one of them comes up to us and asks us what we should do. We just walked away. But I wanted to give over that eitzah! Also I gave my wife the whole reid on pokemon and she also enjoyed it.
	"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?" "... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" One day... At A Time :-D Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley! My Thread

Re: Singularity's Journey 07 Feb 2017 12:22 #305115

mayanhamisgaber Current streak: 44 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1198 Karma: 71	eitzah is to soor m'rah
	very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: Singularity's Journey 07 Feb 2017 12:27 #305119

Singularity Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder To write, or not to write? Posts: 1507 Karma: 78	yes but not if a snorlax is blocking your path!
	"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?" "... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" One day... At A Time :-D Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley! My Thread

Re: Singularity's Journey 07 Feb 2017 12:50 #305120

trouble OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 874 Karma: 224	Singularity wrote on 07 Feb 2017 12:27: yes but not if a snorlax is blocking your path! Strange. I clicked on my GYE tab, and seemingly, it went to Facebook.
	i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble .... if you're looking for trouble, you can email me @trouble69gye@outlook.com

Re: Singularity's Journey 07 Feb 2017 13:42 #305127

Singularity Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder To write, or not to write? Posts: 1507 Karma: 78	Then your in the right place
	"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?" "... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" One day... At A Time :-D Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley! My Thread

Re: Singularity's Journey 07 Feb 2017 21:12 #305168

shlomo24 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 135	I immensely enjoyed this Pokemon conversation.
	If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: Singularity's Journey 07 Feb 2017 21:19 #305169

mayanhamisgaber Current streak: 44 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1198 Karma: 71	if you want i can give you extensive ifo on most things in the game till about 5-7 years ago (not that I'm proud of the time wasted)
	very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: Singularity's Journey 08 Feb 2017 09:08 #305241

Singularity
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I like the tread the boundary of cultural references, not immerse myself into it. It's a dangerous game I play.

Last night was stupid. UGH.

I thought it was an "on" night with my wife. But I took a headache tablet then become ridiculously drowsy. And she was also exhausted. Then we got to talking and I was upset again because of something stupid. I am working on being OK with not having to do it whenever I wanted to, but for some reason I have been more aroused these last few days, and eventually I told her I just couldn't take it and we ended up doing it. Were I stronger, I'd have been able to contain myself, but I also didn't want to end up spilling seed. Well, she also doesn't want that. And she expressed herself, she is my wall, she is there for me.

Not that it's a licence to lust and fall back on her.

The thoughts that got me going? Her, BH. And snippets of porn I remembered here and there. Which is not good. But my mind was racing. I pray for the serenity I need in these situations. Not to be manipulative. Not to be demanding. I want it for her. So I will try not ask for sex until she wants it too. From today. That's my kabolah.

Re: Singularity's Journey 08 Feb 2017 14:09 #305268

Markz
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Thank GD for gye I'm porn free for a year and a half - no second looks, no "random " google searches, no non kosher YouTube vids

But when natural instincts are awakened to be intimate with ones wife it's a different story.
It's something I'm working on

But I don't buy the idea of waiting for her to initiate. You're going to an opposite extreme.
There has to be love and open communication. Husband is the initiator. BUT it has to be communicated clearly that "I don't need it. Don't do it for me. It's for us. You have to be ok with it. If you are not able tonight for whatever reason, we won't".
My wife was surprised when I told her that.
she was like "are you sure? I need to be available for you, else maybe you'll do porn" and I said "nope" I'm not gonna die if I don't get my fix

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Re: Singularity's Journey 08 Feb 2017 14:42 #305274

Workingguy
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Markz, or actually now that I realize that I know you I can call you....Markz! much better than your real name Getzel. Two questions-

1) How have you been so matzliach at no searches, YouTube, etc? You haven't shared your process in a while; can you?

2) It's very true that you will live if you don't get your fix, and in today's day and age it doesn't seem to work that often that a woman is interested in being her husbands protection from sin and you're for being intimate with him.

but, and the kudos to singularity's wife, it is a beautiful thing for someone who feels that responsibility and roll.

There is no doubt that we have to be responsible for ourselves, so it almost doesn't bear saying and is only relevant theoretically, but it is more than ever important for women to arouse their husbands under the apple tree.

I remember having a conversation with my older brother, a Rov and Talmid Chochom, and he was saying (not about sex but about not getting over hyper about assuring Zumba for women and other such things)
that it is important that they feel good about themselves, and it is important that they also look good because the bottom line is we are not interested in anyone looking anywhere else.

Re: Singularity's Journey 08 Feb 2017 14:45 #305275

Workingguy
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Singularity wrote on 08 Feb 2017 09:08:

Singularity,

Everyone is different and everyone has their situations and certainly my sex life has had its own share of strong complications, but when I did that it ended up really hurting our intimate life.

Of course, if your wife is OK with that then perhaps it's fine, but is she?

also, I think you have to realize how beautiful it is that she wants to be your wall. You are very lucky.