gye1962:  I was saying "thank you" because I am familiar with the highs and lows of your posts as well as the stress at work.  In fact, my finding GYE is tied into my acting out due to stress at work. 

As I have lost jobs due to my acting out in reaction to stress at work, I would suggest ultimately, that you figure out what exactly the stress is at work, and if there is a more constructive way to deal with the stress.  Putting yourself in the right direction can in itself alleviate a lot of stress.

Back in 2005, I had worked as a computer programmer, and a short while after I was hired, I knew that I was in over my head as far as understanding the business.  My boss wanted programs, right away and I just wasn't that fast.  
I would come home from work, and I would act out with mz"l and looking at arousing pictures all night long, and I would be late for work.  This turned into chronic lateness, and I wasn't effective in doing my job, and other people were pressuring my boss into firing me, and finally in 2007, he did.

Back then, I would have asked myself the following questions:

          1).  Is there a skill(s) or background that I need to learn in order to improve my job
                performance?
          2).  Do I need to improve my time management skills?
          3).  Is this the field I really want to be working in?
         
I am also taking this advice both for the job, and for life itself as there are many things that stress me out, and I would normally respond to by acting out: doing taxes, cleaning, saving for the future...I have had to figure out what was really bothering me and working to face the task rather than act out, and only make the situation worse by having it linger on.


 

Thank you for y our answer MeyerLemon

Today is day one.

I am convinced that if i learn how to deal with the pain and craving, i can 100% be clean.

Whenever i get the tightening in my chest from craving, i give in to avoid it. In some rare instances that i dont give in and hang-on, i feel exhausted afterwards and on the next day if an urge hits, i am defenseless. 

Especially when i get stressed at work, thats when the really strong urges come in and dont leave me alone unless i give in to them.

Does anyone know how to just take the pain and keep moving?

Please help

hi everybody shavua tov

finishing up day 4 beezrat H

i recently learned about a technique called "urge surfing" which already helped me alot. and i am looking forward to see what i can do with it

i suggest anybody reading this post to google it.  its very helpful

gye1962: I had not heard of that technique before, so I did use google to search for "urge surfing", and it looks very interesting.  I think I will try it.

 

Great
hope it helps you in the same way its helping me.

Day 6 now.
I really dont think i had such urge -packed 6 days in my life.
Where it not for "urge surfing" i wouldn't have survived all those urges.
I finally got the courage to filter both Belkin routers in my house (they have a decent parental control feature). i hope im irtze H that this will be a step towards freedom and sobriety.

 

Had a relapse Yesterday.

After the self pity hour, i started analyzing why did i fall? and i realized that i was wasting time.
Up until now,when i was listening to one of the gye mp3s i would tell to myself that i need to do something while i a m listening, i cant just Sit and listen, my hands have to do something. (so i started palying video games while i was listening, and this led me to relapse.

I am not sure why playing video games gives me urges, maybe it is beacuse it makes you not present and it numbs your brain, so there is no defense against the yetzer.

I am still proud of myself ebacuse i fought like hell for those 6 days(even if its a short streak).
I am confident that H will help me get back up and on the right track.


if anyone ahs an idea about the video games, let me know.

We don't like to talk about hell on gye

I meant it as an expression of fighting hard. i was not talking about the place itself.

Brother,

Fighting can land many of us in Hell (where's that), Gd protect us

What do you suggest i do with the urges if not fight them?   i pray to H whenever i get an urge to help me overcome it, but this has not been working for me.

Just to explain what I said above
I'll say it differently than I wrote elsewhere

If there are solutions provided by GYE to be "Fight Free", and we choose to stay in the fight zone, we can be held accountable for that IMHO, as I wrote here

I know you are not looking to stay there

Whats the solution?
#1 Fighting is out
#2 Read the GPS below
#3 Read the success stories on the "Free Towing" page, and reach out to the writers - they are alive and kicking and each Hauling in their unique way
#4 Achron Haviv. Join cordnoy / Dov's 1:20 call today and Keep on Trucking

thank you.
i will re-read the GYE program in a nutshell and the handbook, also i will try to get to the call, if not at least hear one of the mp3 from dovi.

Thank you gye1962, for posting the downs as well as the ups.  I have had the same experience as you that an urge will keep bothering me for days in a row, and then finally  would give into it. 

I suppose if you already knew that video game playing can to "lust playing", then perhaps you should get rid of the video game consoles in the home.  -- Just thinking aloud of a possible help.

Already got rid of it.(for the second time).
thought that i could go back to it and not be bothered by urges, but i see that its not the case.

Thank you for the suggestions.  keep it coming.