guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/285401-Im-Finally-Here?limit=15&start=150#287755

markz wrote:

You made my day 
good shabbos

Hey all nothing major to report had a good shabbos how bout everyone else?
does anyone know how the change the format of the forum as I think I messed mine up a shtikl?-never mind I figured it out

Hello all feeling very out of touch with reality and in touch with my fantasies so posting to hopefully bring me back to earth 
on Monday I was feeling extremely tired and lonely and the day probably would have edbed badly had I not joined my first call 
the 9:30 call turned out to be a real lifesaver and got me thinking when on Tuesday the next day I had a major pull to masturbate I realized I was doing it just to escape pain disappointment and lonelyness I didn't end up acting out then 
however I had a fall on Wednesday 
 

Sounds like a real rollercoaster.

Falling can make one feel weird.

I fell erev rosh hashana last year. I felt like I was on drugs.

KOMT!

Feeling intense Shnitzlefaceness 
Hey all had a fall just now I really need to work on something new 
dov gave me his phone number and I plan on phoning him 
i think my main problem now is still I don't view porn or masturbation as poison 
I did compile a list of why I dont want to fall but can't really think of why I should  stay clean as I haven't experienced soberity of more than 10 days in aproxemitly 5 years

Would you like to share your list? Either on the forum, or pm/email/phone? (We never spoke, but maybe you have my number?)

Maybe another way to think about reasons to stay clean is to imagine what your life might be like if you stayed clean for X amount of days - How would your life be better by next summer if you manage to stay clean (or mostly clean) between now and then?  

As far as feeling schnitzelfaceness.... I must say I'm not familiar with the phenomenon. Sorry 

 Thanks I did try and call you i think three times but it didn't go through  or the line was busy 
Here it is (not in order of importance just what comes to Mind)
firstly I feel like I let G-D myself and everyone on GYE down everytime I do .secondly it makes me feel dirty and disgusting. Also it reminds me everytime I do that I can't control my life and that an addiction does which leads to the next point which is that I usually walk around depressed for a day or two and o find it hard to daven and learn and feel I'm really connecting . Finally it makes disgusting perverted thoughts pop up more and more in my head 
thoughts? Anything to add?
 

It's not your fault you've never experienced shnitzlefaceness only a select few are privileged the main criteria it to be off your rocker

I would never add to your list..  Thanks for sharing

And now that you explain it.. I think I've been through something similar to schnitzelfaceness before - Just never knew what it was ;-)

How ya doing aryeh?

Don't just post when you fall, we like you even when you're clean.

inastruggle wrote:

I'm doing good  I actually just got home from yeshivah and haven't really had a time to do anything 
the main reason I don't post more is because Ina. Normal week expect for Friday until Sunday I'm at yeshivah with no internet access so it's a little hard some might say even in possible to post without internet access but thanks for asking 

Since I'm in the same situation I'd excuse you. It is pretty hard to post without internet.

Ever tried posting via telepathy?

inastruggle wrote:

I can't say I have although I have tried telepethetic it didn't seem to work it's probably the new editor I should complain to admin 

You might of done it wrong.

Did you hum shir hamaalos during the sending paart of the session?

Still working on it myself but I may be making progress! I think I posted as mark though...