I've recently joined GYE. Until now, though I realised that I had a problem, I tried other ways to solve it, with varying degrees of success. But I've failed one too many times, and now I am going to got through with this properly, Be'ezras Hashem. 

I don't know how well I will update my journey. I am committed to ninety clean days, but I'm not 100% committed to journaling it. I do know that I produce better results when I am accountable to others, so I'd love to hear some feedback from some of you out there.

 

Welcome.

Welcome Anon,
You made a great first step in opening up here. I find that I need the accountability and reality of sharing with a friend in order to keep me safe. I have progressed to actually speaking on the phone and meeting in person with a friend like me who struggles and we help each other. So far very successfully.
You will be warmly welcomed by many wonderful people on here who you can connect to and even speak with.
They are a great bunch who really care about you and will help you any way they can.
Welcome aboard! This is the best decision of your life.

Welcome BROTHER!!!!

Get into your Truck and start Revving!!!

Anonbrother613 wrote on 02 Mar 2016 14:46:


I don't know if you need to specifically journal but it's great to have a thread on the forum like this one where you can post what's on your mind and how you're doing.

I found a few things from the accountability to others here and really more than that (bc no one here is really holding you accountable) the friendship, brotherhood, experience, humor, support, and seeing your own situation by other people has really helped in ways I couldn't imagine.

So don't look at it as a chore, look at it as an opportunity to join the chevra. Welcome aboard!

Hello Anonbrother613!

Welcome sir,
Lookin' forward.
In your next post, can you elaborate please perhaps on what methods you tried in the past, as you mentioned?
Thank you.
B'hatzlachah

Welcome! We are rooting for you. 

just gonna join the chorus welcoming you and rooting for you

goodchange613 wrote on 04 Mar 2016 04:24:

Me too, Welcome!
I personally dont post a day to day update but let me just say that your thread on the forum is a great place to let it out, ask questions, get answers, get chizuk and just be part of the GYE family!
Hatzlacha to you!

Welcome!  Write whatever you want; no one here could ever make you do anything that you're not comfortable doing.  

Hi All,

Thanks all for your support. It feels kinda odd, as I'm a fairly private person, and even though i don't know any of you personally, it still feels weird opening up. i'm doing it against my better instincts, cause I believe it'll be helpful.

So far, so good, Baruch Hashem, the simple act of signing up has already strengthened me a lot. I haven't had any full blown "attacks" yet to deal with, but I've definitely strengthened in the "pre" phase, so I'm glad.
Meaning, in the past, even though I have a filter and an accountability software installed on my phone and laptop, still I'd struggle when a photo would sneak through the system, or an enticing headline to an article with a thumbnail. One quick click, and away we go. But the fact that I've joined this group gives me the feeling that I've got a headwind at my back, helping me past that stage and naturally averting any future failings. Also, my general shmiras eynayim has improved! Baruch Hashem for that.

@Cordnoy, you asked vis a vis my past methods. Well, Baruch Hashem I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) [yes, I am truly grateful for the disorder, through it Hashem has provided me with all the good that I have in my life]. So, as part of my therapy for it, I have had to learn how to overcome terribly strong compulsions. Furthermore, recent studies on OCD show that it is in fact an addictive disorder, so transferring what I've learned from one addiction to another is, well, if not easier, than at least a little more straightforward.

Though I've learned much about my battle with lust over the years (and I recognise that my battle is probably different to others), there is one crucial factor that I've come to realise, and that is that there is no "best of both worlds". Meaning, we can't want to escape from the underworld of lust, yet still hang on to our old vices such as movies, magazines, youtube and secular media. The more I remove myself from that world, the saner I am and the easier life is to deal with (and Baruch Hashem more Torah becomes my lot). So, though it is correct to deal with lust as an addiction, it is also still the Yetzer Hara, and the way to deal with it is to separate ourselves from that entire world (sounds extreme, but trust me I'm no extremist).

Hatzlacha

Anonbrother613 wrote on 06 Mar 2016 15:10:

I had some serious health anxiety issues for about a year that my therapist felt was connected to some sort of OCD and he had me read a book called Brain Lock. It was helpful as it has a simple four step practical tool, and my therapist recommended I try it for addiction and it helped somewhat, bc he said, as you did, that there is a connection between the two. Hatzlacha!

You sound like you have it pretty figured out.
Full recovery should be B'hatzlachah.

Two quick questions please.
You have filters and accountability software, but yet, one click and away you go....what happened to the filters?
I also do not understand your conclusion about yetzer hara. Since half measures avail us nothin', that is a proof that we are dealin' with yetzer hara and not addiction? It makes little difference to me, but I was just wonderin'.

B'hatzlachah

Hey Cordnoy,

In response to your first question, a bit of a background: I have an iPhone and a laptop, both with access to the internet. For my laptop, I have k9, a very basic filter, basically to stop popups, and accountability software, which watches over everything and is set to alert even seemingly innocuous stuff (to my wife). On my iPhone tho, even though Safari is locked and the App Store is locked (my wife has the passwords), any other app that has an inbuilt browser can access the internet unwatched. When I first found this out (and had a fall), I made a condition with myself: if I used an app for nefarious purposes, then I would delete it. This worked well, as I would not want to delete my apps (say, sport apps). A couple of times I fell, and followed thru and deleted the apps. But then, sometimes, when the desire would hit, I would go thru the seemingly innocuos looking apps and figure how to use them to access the wider web. For example, Waze.

So when I said one click, what I meant was one inappropriate image, which would incite the lust, which would incite the motive to look for loopholes.

For the record, I have very few apps left There is only one that I know would allow me unfiltered access to the Web, but it is a sports app that I use everyday and I don't want to lose it. 

In regards to your second question: When I said that lust a yetzer Hara and not just an addiction, what I mean is that it differs from, say, alcohol. Alcohol can be used safely in moderation; for many people, it's not addictive and safe. But lust is different.....even a minute amount is tried. Additionally, I presume that every single male in the world is at risk of addiction, in contrast to say alcohol, where one has a predilection towards addiction and the other doesn't. Therefore, the walls we have to create against lust are much higher. And that's why I'm doing my best to wean myself off of movies, the internet, and secular culture in general.

Anyways, this is the end of my soliloquy. Let me know what you think.