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Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom!

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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom! 7114 Views

Re: Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom! 14 Mar 2016 14:22 #281253

Yesod OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 79	Honesty is the key. The more the better, that's why i also try to talk to a real friend on the phone sometime, though they say in person is the best. Either way Hatzlacha

Re: Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom! 14 Mar 2016 19:21 #281286

shlomo24
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strugglinginpain wrote on 14 Mar 2016 12:21:

I've had a fall. I feel like I fell flat on my face. It really hurts me deeply. I'm ashamed to go into the details, but it wasn't just for a few moments and the feeling, the urge, felt uncontrollable. Now I've got to get up and start again. This time at least, I know that I can do it for more than two consecutive weeks (I never had been clean for two weeks before).
I'm sitting here trying to figure out what led to my fall. I think it's anxiety and lonesomeness. But most of all, because my intestinal condition has been playing a lot of games with me lately, I hadn't been getting out much over the past few days. And although I'd intended to rejoin my Daf-Yomi shiur, I haven't been able to do so.
I have a doctor's appointment later today and an interview (neither are exactly local) for volunteering work, tomorrow. So I will get out a little. But I really need to get out more, to walk, to do things. I'll have to figure out some way to work it out. Because staying indoors is really bad for me now. Previously, when I would try to stay clean and then fall, I would wallow in my guilt and shame and give up. But as I've said before, I literally threw out the concept of giving up. And I mean it. I'm going to try and improve myself in all the ways I can.
כל טוב.

My sponsors have given me a lot of help when I come out of a fall. One thing they told me was to wait a little before thinking about what led to what. The mind needs to clear up and think rationally, there is a lot of hormonal imbalances going on and it can alter thinking. In my experience it also lead to me shaming myself many times. Also they told me to take care of myself. I always beat myself up afterwards and it obviously never worked. So they told me to do the opposite and to give myself self-love. Eat, drink, shower if necessary and to try to sit back and chill out a little, to avoid stressful activities.

If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can.

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom! 14 Mar 2016 21:19 #281297

pischoshelmachat OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 492 Karma: 42	Hashem loves after just as before as in the first 2 words of the 13 attributes. He makes me fail to expose that I must up my game and do something different. HKB"H is helping to push us up a mountain to the high madreiga he knows we can achieve. We all are in this with you and are davening for you!

Re: Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom! 15 Mar 2016 10:43 #281341

Sasha 2
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strugglinginpain wrote on 14 Mar 2016 12:21:

I must say your attitude is great!! When I fall I wish I have that courage to just get up again and continue, I usually feel down about it.
Also like you said that youve never gone 2 weeks straight, is a great way to look at it because it shows that your not starting all over again but rather just continuing with a small break in the middle!
Keep it up & you'll get there!!

Feel free to email me anytime sanonym380380@gmail.com

Re: Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom! 21 Mar 2016 11:35 #281947

strugglinginpain
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Despite my hopes that I would be able to get right up after my fall, it took me a few days. Depression hit me hard when I tried to go clean and I think anxiety about personal things didn't help me out. But B"H I've now have one whole day since then that I am clean.
I'm beginning to really make some changes in my daily life that will Be'ezras Hashem lead to more productive and more fulfilling days (which will obviate any unhealthy actions). I also think that I have to keep on checking in to GYE on a daily basis (but not obsessively--although it is definitely better than other obsessions), because that certainly helped me for the two weeks that I was able to govern my actions.
כל טוב and have a great and fulfilling day!

Re: Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom! 21 Mar 2016 11:50 #281952

Sasha 2 Current streak: 19 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 199 Karma: 10	That's great! At least it only took a few days... It sounds like your on the right track Boruch Hashem, keep it going!
	Feel free to email me anytime sanonym380380@gmail.com

Re: Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom! 21 Mar 2016 16:16 #281997

realsimcha
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strugglinginpain wrote on 21 Mar 2016 11:35:

I cant say enough how important it has been for me for the past 42 days. A few times I found myself thinking that I am too busy to log on or post, and I am busy with "good things" but I feel that the day I stop posting, I am thinking of myself as a "regular" person [is there such a thing ? ] and that is the beginning of the end. Chazak Chazak my friend!

Re: Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom! 22 Mar 2016 11:47 #282103

strugglinginpain
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Hi Sasha2,
Thank you for the encouragement.
It took me only a few days to start getting back on the right track (we'll have to see if I can maintain it). But every day (and especially right now), it feels torturous. The thoughts in my mind and the feelings in my body nag at me and really disturb me. I earnestly hope I can (I certainly want to) keep going, but sometimes it feels almost impossible. I don't know whether it has to do with psychological and/or physical problems. As I'm sure you and so many others already know, this great journey often has many, many stumbling-blocks strewn in the path and every additional problem only compounds the situation.
In any case, we'll see what today brings. כל טוב and have very joyous day!

Re: Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom! 22 Mar 2016 12:02 #282108

strugglinginpain
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Thank you realsimcha,
I agree, what is a regular person? No two people are alike, nor does one person share the same experiences (as similar as they might be) as another. Is a regular person just a person with problems, cares, worries, burdens, emotional and/or physical distress? I don't know. Maybe a regular person is a person who tries to live through every day, accomplishing his/her needs and trying to do what's best? Who are the regular people? Are they us? We, who are struggling with emotions, feelings, desires that should only be acted upon for the proper reasons in the proper time and setting, sometimes guilt and its accompanying emotions? Maybe the regular people are the other people who don't have these thoughts, or are able to control their actions very easily? But do you and I know that those other people aren't struggling just as we are? My friends and family, my acquaintances, don't know (at least I wouldn't want them to know) what I've been going through. They might have the same or similar struggles and think that I am the regular person. I don't know. But maybe we're all the same and we just think the grass is greener in the "regular person's" yard.
At any rate, כל טוב and have a great day!

Re: Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom! 22 Mar 2016 18:33 #282188

strugglinginpain
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I don't know if this will help me, but I just began slipping. I'm stuck in the bathroom, I can't get out yet, and I started acting out. My lusts started overpowering me and I felt like I couldn't stop. Before I got too far, but after I started M, I realized that I have to take stock of the situation. My hands and the rest of me is still shaking and I don't know what to do. The lusting feels too strong, but I want to succeed. I want to win this! I don't want my lusts to get the better of me! Maybe just writing this out will help, maybe it won't. I feel like I'm about to fall very soon. I'm scared.

Any online who's got any advice?

Re: Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom! 22 Mar 2016 18:45 #282190

gevura shebyesod
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Hi SIP, maybe you should keep some "neutral" reading material in there to keep your mind occupied elsewhere.

!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Last Edit: 22 Mar 2016 18:45 by gevura shebyesod.

Re: Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom! 22 Mar 2016 18:54 #282192

strugglinginpain
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Gevura Shebyesod,
OK. I have some school-work that I'm supposed to read, but my mind is just reeling. I think I'm pretty much OK now. I've calmed down a bit and I'm getting out of here, even though I'm still having cramps. I'm just too scared of what could happen. Because of that, I've just been floating around on GYE for a short while. At the very least, it kept my mind off my lusts.
Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it greatly. It's wonderful to have people to turn to at such times.
P.S. I like your signature--all of it.

Re: Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom! 22 Mar 2016 18:59 #282193

strugglinginpain Current streak: 3 days OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 32 Karma: 0	GS, Just to let you know, I'm out of there. Physically, I'm still in pain, but emotionally, I feeling great. כל טוב and once again, thank you very much.

Re: Just started on my path to 90 days of freedom! 22 Mar 2016 19:03 #282194

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8258 Karma: 428	Gevura Shebyesod wrote: Hi SIP, maybe you should keep some "neutral" reading material in there to keep your mind occupied elsewhere. Peloni Almoni has some "neutral" reading material for the bathroom... Not to be perused during davening in the bathroom
	My Story---------Dov Quotes *FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING* *Click HERE to checkout;* • 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more... • Awesome Threads Saved for You • Cast Your Vote ➣ GYE Plenty Solutions ➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story Last Edit: 22 Mar 2016 19:03 by Markz.