I just started on my path after many bumps, backslides and the final realization that I can't do it on my own. I have been emotionally scarred, but I won't get into that, and I suffer from an intestinal situation that keeps me in the bathroom. Yeah, I know it's the perfect place for privacy, where only you can stop yourself from watching inappropriate material.
I've had one fully clean day. That doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about it. Oy, how I've been thinking about it! The images I see in the silliest things and the headaches. One thing I'm glad about, Shabbos is almost here and I rarely have a problem on Shabbos, simply because you can't use electronics. Isn't it interesting, I won't be mechalel shabbos for anything (I love Shabbos), but shichvas zera is so difficult. Everyone has their own nisoyon.
I have just started reading the GYE handbook so I won't post yet on it.

Welcome!!

I wish you a Refua Sheleima
While you're in the bathroom, you can make it your shul - see the first link HERE, then go back and read the rest of that Trucking Thread

I hope you have a healing Shabbos!!

Markz it might be time to start the bathroom jokes thread

Hey I wasn't making jokes

Those jokes were banned by the Russian Military here

Thank you so much markz. I just read through the bathroom forum. It's very much my own story.
You know, it's amazing how inspiring it is to read the forums. Only two days ago I felt alone, battling with my urges by myself. Then I joined up and started reading things and I feel like I'm part of a great (anonymous) community. The anonymity is wonderful, because I don't have to be ashamed to discuss my problem. All this time (I think it's been 6 or 7 years since I started viewing things and 2 years since I first acknowledged to myself that I have a problem), I couldn't mention this to my parents. They would be helpful (and probably understanding) but devastated.
Now, after so many backslides, I got a wake-up call because someone just read a shidduch for me (I'm 23 and this is the first time, because of my intestinal situation). I thought to myself, oy gevald! I can't entertain thoughts of marriage when I'm still acting act. So I remembered an advertisement for GYE in one of the newspapers and I made an account.
Sorry for such a long reply. I'll start looking at the trucking thread.
כל טוב and have Great Shabbos.

Very nice share. Welcome! Yup, I think we have all had our fair share of bathroom incidents. You might find that people relate to your situation, albeit maybe at a less intense level. I personally have a history of stomach diseases in my family so I think I understand a little what your situation is. If this helps, understand that hashem is the true shadchan. It's good that you are starting to reflect on where your life, many people don't until later and they get burned.

Hatzlocha.

Hi Shlomo24, it's comforting to hear that I'm not alone in my situation. I don't know if it's because "misery loves company," or simply because I now know that I'm not alone.
Do you know if there's a forum or resource dealing with starting shidduchim while getting out of lust (if that's a apropos term)?
כל טוב and have great Shabbos.

Very often it can help bachurim in their recovery to have someone to talk to, besides for the other GPS tools available (see signature lemata)

It just can take a bit of time to get comfortable with the idea, like another bachur that took 10 months to do that since he joined gye here

Thanks markz, but I think it'll take me at least that long, probably longer, to be able to talk about it with anyone.
I don't want to burden anyone with my fears. But I really do fear how it would impact my going out on dates. Right now I don't think about acting out when I see a woman, only porn gets me to that point (read: low). But I know from past experience that after a while I might think about acting out my urges (then or later) when I've come into close proximity of a woman. What's your perspective on that?
Also, in the past when I've tried going clean, I would get headaches after a 2-3 days. Now, I started already getting a massive headache (I took Tylenol, but it didn't help much) within one day. I feel like since I joined up, my mind is fighting me to the death.

There are many terms mentioned, eg RID (Restlessness, Irritability and Discontent) that fuels the lust. Other things too. These can cause headaches...
I think the white book may help for that but I'm not too bakant in that

Interesting triggers of headaches.
I tried searching for the white book but couldn't find it to download. Anyway, I need to get ready for Shabbos soon, so I won't have time to look at it now.
I'll log off now and בעזרת השם I'll return after Shabbos to update my count.
May everyone who's struggling (and everyone else too) have a peaceful Shabbos.

The white book is also in the "Free Towing" page here #9
my bekius is amazing )
Unfortunately I have bekius in other not so Cosher websites too.... Any ideas how to clear the Cache?




Have a great Shabbos

Gut Voch!
Thanks markz for the link to the white book. I started reading it, but I'm not sure how to navigate my way through it. Anyway, I'd like to read through the GYE handbook first.
My headaches are still persistent and throughout Shabbos I've been seeing flashbacks, which are disturbing. I tried occupying my free time with learning and reading. But most of the time I wasn't able to concentrate or the images distracted me (especially during davening).
B"H I've rarely tried to act out outside of the bathroom. However, I don't want my bedroom to to become a substitute for the bathroom. I say this, because before I fell asleep I had to force myself (at least it felt that way) not to put my hand under the covers. Some times during the day I felt like I would explode or something. Eventually, that feeling subsided. But I know that it will return.
I know that I sound a bit incoherent. But B"H I'm keeping myself under control. And despite my urges, I'm managing quite well.

sounds like you are putting in a great effort. 
Hatzlacha Rabba 

Reach out as much as you need to,  hopefully the fine fellows here can help avail you of some of the challenge.

Gut Voch

Gut Voch, Yesod, thank you very much.
I've read some of the other posts on the various forums and I think it's a good idea for me to post every single evening--just so I can check in with myself. Like keeping a diary that others can see and comment on, give advice and helpful tips or constructive criticism. What do you think?