heiligeryid wrote:

Very true. I need to be extra careful with anything slightly triggering. I just feel like a sicko that even a shiur which is really a torah based shiur on sexuality can make me lust like crazy...
I look forward to the day when I will get over the lusting aspect of my intimate relationship with my wife and see it as just a way to deepen our bond.
Good Shabbos everyone!

BenTorah.BaalHabayis wrote:

I hope for you, we have help here,

Caim wrote:



Can you think of any patterns leading to acting out? I know for myself there are 2 major ones:
1) Boredom. Sometimes I simply wanted to relax and not due do anything constructive. At some point racing games no longer cut it and it was off to the thrill and stimulation of porn. It just felt so good!
2) Being triggered from what I saw during the day. As I wrote on my first post on GYE, Motzei shabbos has been one of the most difficult times because of all the beautifully dressed women I was seeing on the streets over shabbos day. But it could really be anything, like seeing a pic of a supermodel on Yahoo news.
I've been focusing on strengthening my shmiras einayim and finding other outlets for boredom (such as GYE!).
I don't know if you can relate to any of these patterns, but I thought I'd share it as food for thought.

heiligeryid wrote:


Indeed. I don't think I was mechadeish anything. Chaza"l understood the patters of human behaviors very well.
Another cause I notice triggers me to act out is when my wife & I are feeling tense with eachother. This makes me 1) feel more lonely which can make me want to act out, and 2) in a certain sense I will feel sometimes like I want to act out to spite her. I think I need to work harder on my Sholom Bayis!

Wow! I can't believe I've been clean for a whole month! Thank you Hashem and thank you for all the wonderful chevra here for all your support and encouragement.
I look forward to the next 30 days!

Still clean B"H. Was a little discouraging waking up yesterday from a Wet Dream. Haven't had that happen since I started my current streak. I think I was lusting too much over shabbos, though I did try to keep it under control.
Either way, I won't let this get me down!

So I told my wife about GYE the other day. For various reasons I kind of had to, so I decided to just tell her about it and portray it in a more innocent light. I explained that I'm actively working on Shmiras Einayim and that I joined a forum where fellow yidden are mechazeik each other and share their experiences. I also told her that from GYE I discovered many resources for improving general Shalom Bayis as well, such as Rabbi Pamensky workshops etc. Baruch Hashem she took it very well, and when I called her the next day just to tell her that I love her and am thinking about her (per Rabbi Pamensky) she said: Thank you Guard Your Eyes!
I think every word I said to her is true. This whole journey so far has been about so much more than not acting out. It's helped focus on and improve my Shmiras Einayim and Shalom Bayis. Indeed, thank you Hashem for a wonderful shaliach as GYE!

BenTorah.BaalHabayis wrote:

Bless Hashem, you have let your mate into a deeper part of your life, truer intimacy is on it way, may your journey be blessed. Much toward the beginning of my 90 days my wife saw me on Guard your eyes boards. She is a curious partner, she is always looking with good question what her husband is into. She has open up to share of her past journey, the abuse and the hopes of her journey. Her talents are many. Her heart to give a treasure for this man to honor, and out of our life together let here talents be known to the people, and to the leaders, for every wise man has a wise woman beside him, apart of a most wonderful and full journey. So the story of my Song of Songs is going forth, as yours is too, one day will share of the public things at these vey gates, oh we have already started! There may be tears, yet we have chose the path of righteousness, our tears shall be joy, abundant joy, as our core unit of family has the light of us, the man unselfishly pour out in its soul mainly through it family. To me family is my core center, for man and woman were to be the image, of bless Elohim, of our G-d of love.

abe2710 wrote:


I had in relationships tried too satisfy the cravings of lust, the lust cannot be satisfied. We must be husband, us band too, then as we together in every aspect of life as a team, the craving of intimacy is far deeper than just the act of sex, and union is only apart of relationship, and relationship of sharing the journey of life together, marriages is courting to get her, all, not just her body, she is not the stranger, she is not just an impulse, a quick fix, temporary gradification. We lust because we hope she is our g-d, but we will only have a human soul mate, when we learn also that it is the three fold cord that is not easily broken, that is in our Father of lights we have our sublime corded link too, and in this with all other relationships will fill in our universe, but the essential human relationship of all, Is our married partner, we guys even though we help each other as brothers, still come not to the lesson building of marriage with our mates, and our Creator.

Josephsbrother wrote:


GYE sends me an email every time someone quotes Cords.
It beeped several times.
Just tell me please, what is a 'sublime cord'? Is that when I go undercover?

BenTorah.BaalHabayis wrote:

I just saw this now. Really amazing. Made me feel all warm and fluttery on the inside. I can't think of a more perfect way to disclose then the way you did. Great job.

Also I saw an earlier post on this thread of how you felt like a sicko after a shiur that triggered you a lot. I totally relate, I have "gotten off" from a transliterated Shulchan Aruch. I have learnt the hard way that I am not like others, I have a disease and what is healthy for others may not be healthy for me. But that's ok, I am ok. I may be sick but I am not a sicko. I can not "drink like a gentleman" anymore, lust is off limits for me. Thinking that I am just like everyone else is congruent with insanity for me. I am not like everyone else. But I am good as I am and god loves me to death.

Thanks Shlomo. I remember the time years ago where I was desperately looking for some arousing material, but I didn't have a smartphone yet. But I had access to a Mafteiach Ha'shas. This is essentially a book which indexes all of shas. I used this index to look up all the gemaras I could find about women, sex etc. (Once I got a smartphone I no longer needed a Mafteiach Ha'shas... )
Thinking back to that time, I feel very ashamed how I used the holy Torah to fulfill my lust. And I think that listening to Rabbi Feuerman's shiur reminded me of that time, since he was quoting a lot of the same Chazals. And that's why when I was sitting there listening to the shiur and lusting I felt like the same "sicko".
Of course I understand that it's not at all the same thing, since the intent of listening to the shiur now is completely different.

The Sublime cord is the husband and wife linked with the Creator, in who's image they are as one, in the One. A three fold cord is not easily broken, it is not broken if HaShem is the first cord of the three. If another woman is brought into the relationship, then the breaking of the third part without damage to the other two, is not without damage. Ecclesiastes or Qoheleth 4:9-12 Two is better than one... And a threefold cord is not easily broken. When the cord is a child of union, the Union of two is harder to break, but when two find One their only purpose it is impossible to break, for their purpose and love is in the One who makes two into one in the One.

I was at another wedding tonight. I danced the Chosson most of the way from the Chosson Tish but I decided not to follow the Chosson into the Badeken. I kind of feel like that's entering into the proverbial "Lion Cage" with all the women standing around watching the men marching in the Chosson. I wasn't sure if I did the right thing, to be the only one not going in. Am I being too extreme? But then again, my recovery is fragile and I would like to avoid unnecessary triggers. Maybe I could have gone in and looked at the floor. What would you have done?

BenTorah.BaalHabayis wrote:
my friend BBBH I have to concede, I do the same as you

It will be interesting if one of our gye boys gets married and invites all of us to the wedding what it would look like