Cannot believe it!!! 90 days of shmirat habit!!!! Is that a complete success story? No I fell once with shmirat eynayim, and that is definitely the next hurdle to overcome, but as can be imagined, I'm extactic. I really feel I've achieved something special and it's a tremendous and ground breaking milestone for me, a significant part of my main motivations for achievement this year.
Markz I will definitely bn write a more detailed account of how I feel I got here and what I dealt with in the upcoming days. But here's and short preview.
1. Determination...I've been trying to break free for just under a year now, and despite constant falling I kept pressing on refusing to believe it was impossible, that alone, being the optimist I think plays a massive role. If at first you don't succeed...
2. Goals outside of this...This is definitely my main goal in life right now, but essentially none of my focus goes into it, I've focused hard on pushing myself in other areas, to the sense that I have become absorbed with them. Sticking to a rigorous schedule and allowing myself very little time to focus on temptation. This also explains why I haven't written on here so much recently.
3. Not getting into the ring, I've worked hard to constantly remember this. It's not about fighting the yetzer (because then he's already won) but avoiding him.
4. Sleep. I've been getting good sleep recently, it's been a primary focus.
5. Knowing my weaknesses...avoiding being with my Internet on at the end of the day has been massive. Paying money to install a filter has probably also helped because there's financial investment in the cause.
6. Disassociation of behaviours. I think a massive help has been that in the past every time I would fall and watch pornography i would also masturbate. This reality left me feeling helpless and powerless. When I fell a few weeks ago, it was the first time I didn't masturbate too, this seems to have broken the cycle and empowered me massively. It's also reduced my incentive to watch porn because my yetzer knows the physical rewards will not be the same (bh)
7. Realising that a lot of this about avoiding taking action...feeling numb rather than being active, reading and listening to materials which have promoted action taking and training myself to become active habitually has also helped.
That's all I have for now.
The reality is that I still haven't been shmirat eynayim for 90 days yet.
But it seems that that is no where my battle ground is, and I truly believe that with time I will accomplish it!
We go on...