I'm still good. Last night was really tough. I resorted to biting my thumb. I thought I was going to fall and starting biting my thumb to make it hurt and the next thing I knew I was waking up from sleep.

What do you mean?

Awesome.

Make sure to alternate thumbs

Hey startrek fella where the heck are you,

Life get so easy you don't need anymore chizuk..??

Why dont we hear from you

And if I may ask - Yesod, what's with you?

When you gonna get off your thumbs, and get those baby gloves off?

Im looking for my contact lenses and its cold in the room, so i want to keep my hands warm

I fell over and over again and didn't want to face reality in here or anywhere. Now I'm depressed. My marriage is peaceful but not good in my opinion. There's essentially no physical relationship from my wife and hasn't been for years. There is sex but it's not intimate at all. She's not interested in intimacy. She NEVER does any of the following:
1. touch me
2. let me kiss her on the lips
3. cuddle with me
4. says she loves me
Things are not good in the bedroom so to speak. The alternative, which I'm trying to avoid, is far more satisfying. I have a more intimate relationship with my pet cat. She'll at least cuddle with me and responds when I pet her. I crave any attention from other women b/c I feel SO LONELY. I recently travelled for a work convention and had an opportunity to ask a single woman for a drink and it took every ounce of my willpower to not do it. I think about that incident every day.

I don't see any way to improve this marriage.

Last night she told me that she thinks are marriage is a joke and that I don't care about her feelings. I asked her to tell me a recent example and she came up with one that I thought was legit, but not really big at all. I had already apologized for the incident. She says she doesn't trust me, so she can't love me and that implies no physical relationship. I wish I had never married her.

By the way, I treat my wife like a queen.

I recently read a daily lift from Aish HaTorah that discusses people that are ultra-sensitive and it says their lives are unlivable.

Here's the full text and I think this is the best description of my wife that I've ever heard:

Three types of people live an unlivable life: those who are overly compassionate, overly irritable, or overly sensitive (Pesachim 113b).
Why is being overly sensitive so unlivable? If we sustain a severe sunburn, we avoid contact with other people, because what would normally be a friendly pat on the back or a gentle caress can cause exquisite pain.
Our emotions can become as overly sensitive as our skin, and things which would otherwise be neutral, if not pleasant, may be very painful. To avoid being hurt, we may withdraw from human contact or set up other barriers to communication.
The ego is the source for this touchiness. When people's egos become inflated, they feel superior to others and imagine that they deserve more recognition. No amount of recognition is sufficient, however, and other people's innocent comments or actions are misinterpreted as insults or slights.
Unlike sunburnt skin, ego-burnt emotions are not easily recognized. This lack of awareness may then cause these poor people to think that others intend to harm them. Such misinterpretations will make their lives unlivable.

Today I shall ...
try to avoid reacting reflexively to painful experiences, and try to understand that my discomfort may be due to my sensitivity rather than to others' behavior.


I have to go talk to someone.

Does she do the things you want her to do with someone else she loves eg her daughter/sister/ mother? If she wouldn't it may be her problem.

If she would, it may be your problem.

I'm only talking from my experience when my relationship wasn't deep and meaningful.This is what my wife was looking for - someone that truly cared about her...

I don't even know what deep and meaningful means anymore. I feel like I do and do and do and get no appreciation.

What do you mean? She kisses our daughter all the time. She cuddles with our daughter all the time. And how would that be MY fault?

I do so much for my wife. I don't know how she could possibly think that I don't truly care about her.

She's withholding a physical relationship from me. It's SO CRUEL.

Yesod wrote:


you are kneeling before me

startrekuser wrote:


is a marriage counselor involved? if not why not? please take it from me having been through an abusive relationship recently - your first and foremost fight should be to get real professional help. if she does not want to go, ask for intervention from her family members who yield influence. i cannot write more about myself on an open thread, but please pm me if any of this is nogea. if not, please ignore.

startrekuser wrote:


Balei-Battims-Forum

I'm back.  It's been a while.  Anyway, my wife has said in the past that she wants to be emotionally close but I'm not vulnerable,  that  I don't share my feelings.  I didn't get what she was saying at all.  Now I think I'm starting to get it.  In the past, and even now, when she gets upset at me for something I did wrong, I would get angry and deny I did anything wrong.  Now at least, I won't deny it and I'll  apologize.  

So I read an article on people that lack emotional intelligence and I thought, maybe that's me.  They talked  about a man who would always get angry at his wife and was angry at her when she said she was leaving him.  Anyway, to some extent, that sounds like me.  

When my wife gets upset at me, I feel tremendous shame for hurting her, but I never realized that until I recently started thinking  about it.  So, I would often crawl into my shell while she would push me to react in some way.  I would get angry at  her for pushing me.  All that time, I was hiding my shame that I didn't want to share.  Maybe I should speak to a therapist about this.  Do you think that if I shared all this with her, it would do any good?  Also, I think that the shame I feel and hide from everyone is a factor in my falling over and over again.

Any thoughts are welcome.  Thanks in advance.