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On the Way to 90-Days

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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: New to this and need support 2517 Views

New to this and need support 30 Jun 2015 17:02 #258168

  • myk5775
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I'm a baal teshuvah and while I was able to kick my inappropriate internet habit that I had from my "old days", it has come back. I'm ashamed because my wife thinks I'm this tremendous chossid who guards my eyes completely, but she doesn't know the truth that I actually have a very active nefesh habehamis constantly looking where I shouldn't. I'm also ashamed because I have a 14 month old son and I want to be the type of chossid that he would look up to and try to emulate. I know that it's normal to have taavas, but I can't tolerate them. I need to reclaim my mind back from shmutz and start living the holy life that I'd like to. Any words of chizuk would be greatly encouraged.

Re: New to this and need support 30 Jun 2015 17:04 #258170

  • bigmoish
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Welcome!
You can do it!
Stick around, we are all friends here. Learn some new ideas. What have you tried so far? Have you read the GYE handbook?
(How's that for a start?)
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"We have met the enemy and he is us" - Pogo
"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: New to this and need support 30 Jun 2015 17:21 #258173

  • stillgoing
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Dittos to BigMoish. So many of us are working every day on this. It takes time and effort but IT CAN BE DONE. Much can be learned from engaging in the forums. The gye handbook is very helpful like bigmoish wrote.
Stay around and keep in touch
SG
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

613stillgoing@gmail.com

Re: New to this and need support 30 Jun 2015 18:08 #258185

  • cordnoy
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Welcome,

Good start.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: New to this and need support 30 Jun 2015 19:34 #258203

  • Pidaini
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  • פדני מעושק אדם-מיצר הרע העושק את הבריות-רש"י
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Welcome to GYE!!!

I would just like to point out something interesting in your post. You gave three reasons why you are here, 1) You are ashamed of your wife 2) your son and only third did you mention that you can't tolerate them and that, without explaining why not.

One of the things that comes to hit some us hard is that in order to really get started I had to face the fact that I wanted to change because I could not tolerate living the way I was anymore.

As Dov wrote:
I never stopped because of moral regret. I stopped because of having to make a choice between losing everything valuable in my life or hanging on to that open-ended expense account I discovered I had access to: Lust. It served its purpose for a while, then it turned on me, and I still wanted it (and sometimes still do) but fully accept that I can't afford it.

I did it for me, not for Hashem, not for my family, not for Klal Yisroel, nor for my Olam haba. I did it for me right here and now, when the cost just became too much. So I have no interest in any s'char for it - not from Hashem, nor from you or anybody else who might admire me for staying sober...

I am sober for selfish reasons. It's enlightened self-interest, that's all. I refuse to be relegated to the trash heap. I refuse to roll over and be road-kill

(Chizzuk Email #1009)


There are no quick fixes, it takes time to change what we have been ingraving for so long, so stick around, Keep On Posting!!!

and KOMT!!
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: New to this and need support 30 Jun 2015 21:17 #258223

  • serenity
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Thank you for that wonderful reading from Dov.

Welcome MYK! Glad you are joining us. Guard suggests that you start with the tools in the links for new comers in my signature below.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: New to this and need support 30 Jun 2015 21:22 #258224

  • gibbor120
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WELCOME! You are among friends who understand exactly what you mean. Many have recovered and you can too! Start with the handbook. Keep posting.

Re: New to this and need support 30 Jun 2015 21:39 #258226

  • myk5775
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Thanks so much for your advice. I just wanted to point out that I am not ashamed of my wife, I am ashamed of myself and the reason for that shame is because when I look at things that I shouldn't on the web, I don't feel like the chossid that my wife thinks I am.

Re: New to this and need support 30 Jun 2015 21:40 #258227

  • myk5775
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Thanks! Where do I find the handbook?

Re: New to this and need support 30 Jun 2015 21:49 #258228

  • cordnoy
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myk5775 wrote:
Thanks so much for your advice. I just wanted to point out that I am not ashamed of my wife, I am ashamed of myself and the reason for that shame is because when I look at things that I shouldn't on the web, I don't feel like the chossid that my wife thinks I am.


Read that again. ..it looks like you are ashamed of her.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: New to this and need support 30 Jun 2015 21:50 #258229

  • myk5775
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Also, something that I'm struggling with is the idea that I'm bad enough that I need to be in a 12 step program. My brother is an alcoholic and has been in AA for years. Growing up and seeing him in the program makes me wonder if I'm as bad as he was (albeit in my internet addiction that is) that I need to be in a program. What do you guys think? Being in this group feels right, but I suppose it's just hard for me to accept that I have a problem with this, especially since I can go for long periods of time without engaging with forbidden internet material.
I suppose that perhaps maybe if I look at the flood of inappropriate thoughts that I have on a daily basis or the times I let myself look at untzniusdik women in the street, then I do have a problem. Oy…lol

Re: New to this and need support 30 Jun 2015 21:51 #258230

  • myk5775
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I still don't see it. I'm saying that I'm ashamed of my behavior. Maybe if you explain it to me, I'll understand better.

Re: New to this and need support 30 Jun 2015 21:52 #258231

  • lomed
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Welcome to the club. Kudos to you for coming out of isolation and doing the right thing. As all members told you , that here is the place we all struggle and share our challenges in order to recover and/or to learn how to deal with our challenges. Just stay here and hopefully you together with all of us will keep on growing, and be another of many success stories from GYE.

You can find a link to the handbook in Gibors post on ths thread.

Hatzlacha.
I currently attend live SA meetings. Feel free to reach out to me.

Re: New to this and need support 30 Jun 2015 22:09 #258235

  • cordnoy
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myk5775 wrote:
I still don't see it. I'm saying that I'm ashamed of my behavior. Maybe if you explain it to me, I'll understand better.


Whatever is good by you. ...perhaps I didn't understand.
Bhatzlachah moving forward.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: New to this and need support 30 Jun 2015 22:20 #258236

  • stillgoing
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wyk5775
I just wanted to point out that I am not ashamed of my wife, I am ashamed of myself and the reason for that shame is because when I look at things that I shouldn't on the web, I don't feel like the chossid that my wife thinks I am.

Not sure, but maybe the source of the misunderstanding is a wording change. You are not ashamed of your wife. She did nothing wrong that we have mentioned here that you should be ashamed of her. But you are ashamed of yourself, and what cordnoy was saying (I think) is that it seems that you are ashamed of yourself because of your wife. What if you had no wife, would you be just as ashamed? If yes then you really want to change, if no, then you would be like me and the change would only be fueled by our ego of what others think of us (the latter, I have found,is not a bad choice either. Maybe not as good as the former, but it can work quite well too)
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

613stillgoing@gmail.com
Last Edit: 30 Jun 2015 22:21 by stillgoing.
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