cordnoy wrote:


At the moment Im in a great place with a great schedule, so much torah and always busy. I think the challenge will come when I go back home in sukkot. There the temptation and familiar triggers will be back.
So I think making sure that my neder is constantly in place (not sure how this works with hetarat nedarm!?)
and always staying busy in learning and outside the house will be crucial

ysftw wrote:


great to hear

continued hatzlachah

as shabbat comes in I need to thank Hashem and also this site and the people that write on it. This is the longest I've ever been clean which is very exciting!
But it also poses an increasingly large challenge.
With His help and yours I pray I can continue to to manage this addiction, one day after another, long into the future.
Shabbat shalom and gmar vechatima tova!

Now...out of my conducive surroundings...The challenge begins in earnest...I pray to has hem for the strength to perservere

Been a while since I've posted on here.
i knew i would fall during that time period and I did...what I didnt think to do (rather foolishly) was to redo another neder which really proves very very effective.
A mistake I will not repeat...but I keep doing more and more time which is reasurring whilst the falls are frustrating.
But slowly slowly, I've been trying for a year now, but it's process but getting better a little bit at a time.
And armed with a shuavuah BH, i'll move to new heights. Always an addicts but BH a functioning one!
SHabbat Shalom

I don't know if you are an addict or not, but an addict generally finds ways to circumvent the oath or not to renew it. That is why an addict like me doesn't take oaths any longer, but rather, I work a program which teaches me how to live life.

B'hatzlachah

Being clean now for over 50 days (first time in my life) I'd say that you'd better not focus on being busy. By doing so you will put yourself at risk; next time you're bored or have some time off you might tempted to act out just to fill that gap (and naturally 'rely' on old habits).
Look for whatever will motivate you not to act out, there's enough stuff on this forum (which will also keep you busy for some time ).

Mike - you just scored a Six (a home run in the us of a) with that comment of yours, so I upped your karma, keep them comin'

all still going well.
but you're right.
The problem is I'm not sure there is an underlying cause really, I really need to think on this. But it's almost more due to force of habit than anything else.
Will def. have a think though...thanks for making that point!

I think i have stumbled across one underlying cause...sometimes my brain goes a bit out of hand, every few weeks I'll enter a particular headspace where there are a lot of muddled thoughts and confusion about my direction and actions in life. It's like a mental turmoil that settles for a few days and usually leaves me reinvigorated. I should clarify, it's not an issue, I dont feel down or anything, i just spend time confused. Certainly one trigger is this time. Rather than be with my thoughts, pursue them and try to ascertain what's bothering me, I look for easy escapism and a break to thought. I look to be stimulated rather than exerting mental effort. This leads to pornography which leads to a fall.
Interesting that I didnt realise that before. I'm not sure what it means. Will think on it further.
In the meantime. Shabbat shalom!
Let's all stay strong together over the next 25hrs

I've had a fall about two weeks ago and have also tried to better understand what happened (although this goes against many comments on this forum which tell you to rely on Hashem, see 12 steps).
In my case I discovered it was a combination of own triggering and being real tired. In the mean time I know I have to avoid that trigger and my wife and me decided to go sleeping earlier 3 times a week.
This fall (my first) was a disappointment to me as I really hoped to make it to the 90 days but it also reminds me I'm a human being. It takes a lot of energy and tweaking to find one's way. Tomorrow morning I'm going to see a new therapist (my first one didn't really help me) which combines the 12 steps within the therapy.

Hey your are way ahead of the game than I am.

But relying on hashem does not free one from giving a cheshbon hanefesh. Rely on hashem but only if we keep on trying our hardest. Thus its not a contadiction to try to understand while one falls and relying on hashem. It works hand in hand.

yes this is all on a very elemntary level.

my sponsor always tells me of something called HALT. hungry angry lonely tired. when i have one of these lust hits much much more and my charachter defects are much more present. when i am sick it's like HALT on steroids. part of my program is taking care of myself so i don't reach halt too often. often early recognition of HALT is necessary also so i don't do something that i wouldn't want to.

Page 34 in the white book

Bigmoish wrote:


I am incredibly impressed moish.