Your strength is an inspiration. You have some amazing accomplishments behind you. I can understand why you would not want to go back there. Hatzlacha with your amazing work!

I haven't posted for a while so here I go: I am home now for bein hazmanim and it's harder than I thought it would be, this is the time when I would have viewed everything and acted out in the past and just being in those situations and places that last time were so harmful are very triggering to me.
I also don't have easy access to Internet to post when I'm low or down...

But I know that I just can't allow myself to fall and I gotta pull through to my 90!!

Sasha you're gonna post every day now? Please 

markz wrote on 05 Apr 2016 04:23:

But shahsa wrote,
I also don't have easy access to Internet to post when I'm low or down...

Shasha,
I hope you find ways and tools to cope till you get back to Yisheva.
Print out reading materials for when offline.
our sobriety can't depend on the forum.
you can print out from here guardyoureyes.com/ebooks
all the best
 

doingtshuva wrote:

I could usually get online once a day (I just don't always have access at the time when I'm feeling down).
I will bli neder try to post once a day (or something like that)...

For my post: This is being a lot lot harder then I expected it would be! 
I think that if I wouldn't have been at 70 days clean I probably would have fell already (I know it's depressing to think that way).

I have a lot of time myself without anyone around so that definitely doesn't help my situation.
Lusting (back here in America!) is just so much worse then a week ago, I thought i was getting better as I was getting over it...

I sound like I'm giving up, but I really am trying and b'ezras Hashem I'm gonna make it!

I know exactly how you feel. I know you can do it. You may be alone but you're not alone --- we  are here! 
Some ideas?
1. Keep a schedule even though you dont officially have one. when you daven and where, what you do each day. 
2. Post each day
3. Have [clean fun!]

Make yourself busy.
Look out what is possible.

Today was a little better because I had a bunch of errands I had to take care of.

I dont really have too many ideas of how to keep busy...
Anyone got any?

Maavir Sedra
Shopping for clothes for yom tov
cleaning for yom tov
visiting friends
visiting rebbi
learning hilchos pesach
preparing the hagada
buying things you need for next zman
pursuing some hobby or something that you always wished you had time for...

On a less serious note, very few questions are ever asked anymore on GYE that have not already been answered EXTENSIVELY.  Follow the link if you're interested

Things to do when bored

Thanks for all the ideas, I will really try to stay out of harms way...
I made myself sort of a schedule so i wont be home during the day at all, I will keep posting how it goes...
I hope I can and will make it! (I better)
Good Shabbos everyone

Sasha 2 - How was Shabbos?

Go over to the first person you see in shul, and ask him to make a seder with you, so you'll be meshubad to get out of the house.
Learn with anyone, anything. Don't hem and haw until it's too late ch"v.
הצלחה רבה, looking forward to a 90 day siyum for you on pesach, זמן חרותינו

Shabbos was ok, but after shabbos I found out some not such great news & I was under some stress which really made me want to just give up entirely, I'm happy that this morning I got back to my senses!
I'll hopefully have a good chavrusa this week which will help me B'ezras Hashem