Dear NewmMan,

There is a lot to learn, really. It takes time. There is no "press a button" remedy.

I relate to a lot of your feelings of being angry at Hashem, having expectations of Hashem, feeling ashamed of where I go, and not knowing how to deal with negative feelings.

I can tell you though, that there is a different mindset of living that helps with all of the above. A mindset of where I don't run, not the world, and not my life. A mindset in where I let go of expectations, of ANY expectations, and take what life gives me as life gives it to me. I don't grab for more than I have, and I don't need to escape what I am getting.

It is liberty in the highest degree, but it costs a pretty penny......it costs my ego.

Keep on posting!! Changes take time, so don't get discouraged!!

KOT!!! just KOMT!!

I see one of my biggest problems is that i have a lot of emptiness in myself,
I try to fulfill it by learning more thorah, and by putting myself into learning stuff that can help me at work.
But all of them are hard and I’m lazy to work on my laziness
Should I make it a priority or rather put all my effort to fight my addiction?
I knew I can fulfill myself with playing games, or watching kosher videos, but I don’t want to go from one addiction to another.

Any advice would be helpful.

1. Figure out what needs to be done in your life.
2. Do it, step by step.
3. Spend time with the people in your life.

How about work on your laziness?

I will.....

Maybe you need a good outlet that you will not be lazy about. A hobby that you enjoy. Excercise program..., get involved with volunteer work for your yeshiva, shul, community...

NewMan wrote:


I relate very much to the above feelings. I also have that problem. On the one hand I know what I "should" be doing, as in learning (mostly), but I just don't have patience to do it. Doing my first step inventory, I just realized that at the age when kids normally learn to discipline themselves with sitting and learning in their extra time (when they don't have peer pressure), I was usually busy looking for ways to quench my "curiosity" for sexual knowledge.

So I end up in a bind, when I try forcing myself to learn, I don't feel comfortable and even feel like it's not me, but if I do something else, even if it's productive, I feel like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It usually ends up with some lusting.....

I guess the answer is to acknowledge the truth, to accept where I am really at and what Hashem wants from me NOW. After all, He is creating me now with all my past built in, so He still has a plan of what He wants from me as I am now. It's a one day at a time thing, doing the right thing when the decision comes, and I can only ask Hashem to help me....one decision at a time.

May Hashem help us all make the right decision and grow closer to Him, one step at a time!!

Pidaini wrote:


Awesome!!