Thanks for sharing!!

just a tip, from experience, you probably won't remember to apply that lesson in the future....and certainly not only when needed.

I need friends, and to remember it when it's not needed yet in order for it to make some difference in life.

KOMT brother!!!

OK so let me update the olom maybe some nice guy will have some good advise.

So it has been some 2 weeks or so things were really nice, my shmiras einyim was better then ever before kept my eyes focused, in a nut shell things were looking and feeling good for a change.

Then last night I entered my bedroom at midnight I was very tired. My eye was caught by my wife who was long asleep and somehow got partially uncovered, for a short few seconds my mind started wondering off. I quickly refocused my attention and moved on.

As I lay in bed I was attacked by the YH he started putting me on the guilt trip, along with self pity, for all that has happened in the last 25 years, if only I wouldn't be made into another persons object of pleasure back then how much better life would of been. You are 33 Years old and you are busy with things that make no sense, what would you do if chas vsholom a child of yours would say anything much less then you as an adult is busy with... This went on till 2 a.m. at 5:45 I was woken by my son and was it.

That's were I am right now compliments, criticism, suggestions, ideas are wellcome

it sounds familiar...very much so.
im years older than you.
just happened to me recently as well, except I did not allow that stayin' awake and y"h to getta hold of me bit.
not that im stronger...its just that I know what rock bottom feels like.....twice as a matter of fact. lettin' those thoughts in...good, bad, indifferent, whatever....will go nowhere you want it to go, and it will go there fast.

b'hatzlachah

Forget the past. It will only drag you down. Do what you need to do NOW! You are on the right track. KOT bro!

Intersting, interesting. I'm even older. But nevertheless, I totally relate. I also had a good 2 weeks or so (I had a bad Purim). Lately B"H my eyes and thought are focused the right way. But the YH came up with a new one. I went this morning to visit a sick relative - a young woman who underwent some serious medical procedure. I had no foul intentions. Pure mitzva of bikkur cholim. But her image stuck in my mind. The YH keeps reminding me, "Oy nebach. What a sweet young woman, suffering so..." After a while I started realizing that these thoughts are "not kosher". Just another cheap trick. So be"H I need to just stay on track and be aware of my perceptions and motives.
One one hand, Chazal instruct us not to be a foolish Hasid who ignores a woman in distress. But on the other hand, we must not be a sly Rasha who uses the opportunity to satisfy his lust.

May Hashem guide us in the straight path.

MT

Shayfaluh!

Feel better [I'm talking to Misgaber- Not to MT's relative]

misgaber , unless i misunderstood, even though you were down, you didn't fall. major compliments for that.
i am sure it is hard to move on from what you experienced. but perhaps you can try to find some good that came out it that will give you some sort of closure.
for example i am starting to see for myself that even though i didn't see porn for years i still had a m*** problem that i never really dealt with. by falling into the p*** it is finally giving me the oppurtunity and the need to deal with everything face on. i know that once i become more consistently clean I will have become all the better.
Perhaps your experiences have made you more focused on shmiras eynayim than the average joe for example. while not everybody may be led to lust and acting out based on what they see, it is asur in its own right just the same.(and is metamey the neshama even without acting out) while this not be the time to focus on the halachic aspect or the yiras shamayim aspect, if you pull through this you might end up being more of a kodosh then the hamon am and perhaps it is all worth it to be forced to conquer this big mitzvah.
while Yosef hatzadik didn't succumb to eshes potifar, had he not has the nesayon he wouldn't have become yosef hatzadik. we may fall unlike Yosef himself but if at the end we get to a matzav that we don't fall anymore, then that can be the biggest matana from hashem.
sheva yipol tzadik ve-kom. the getting up makes him the tzaddik. all the others fall once and stay down.
just some food for thought

Yea did you fall? I don't think so!!!! Why are you down then? I don't think we can exept the fantasies to go away so quickly. It will take time. Just try to change the topic and think of something else.

KOT!!!!!

Been there, done that....It's a powerful thought for me, my rebbe even agreed with me that I am probably considered an oneis for the decisions that I made when I was a little kid.

That actually helped realize.....It's not me, this is what Hashem wants from me, and I can deal with it with as much gusto as I (sometimes) deal with a Friday Night kiddush!! I also realized then that the gusto of the Friday Night Kiddush wasn't totally L'shem Shamayim because if it was then I wouldn't have such a hard time accepting the fact that this is (obviously) my tachlis here, right now.

למה יאמרו הגוים

"Goyim ask "why"" (originally posted by MendelZ)

A Yid can answer "because that's what Hashem wants from me now!!"

KOT brother!!! You're not the only one!!

Yeah, Yankel, When am I invited over for a Friday night Kiddush?

hey TZ!

you could join yankels kiddush on chat, didn't he say he's trying to things like gye just as exciting as kiddush,

kiddush we start with יום השישי but gye we learn to live one day at a time so all we say is היום with the excitment as kiddush.

so enjoy the great kiddush club!!!

save me a spot on the parenches for yankel's kiddush too, please

Thank You all for your constant support!

To those who asked if I fell, NO BH this time with the help of you all I was strong enough not to fall. It was just a bad feeling which in the past lead to a fall.

I can't wait for the day when my tisch will be so big that even a giraffe will need to stand on parenches........

So it has been a while since I last posted on my thread so let me update. The last 10 days were great no slips no falls BH. What did I do?? I was in constant contact with fellow GYE'ers which I find to be the best solution for my self!!! I have almost a dozen phone numbers of nice great gye members I talk to at least 2 people every day and it helps tons!!! ( the last guy who I agreed to talk to turned out to be my cousin!! To bad on both of us:dry: )


Now would like to share a thought I saw on the Hagudah.
The רשע sais מה העבודה הזאת לכם, לכם ולא לא אולי היה שם לא היה נגאל.

The Yismach Yisroel repeats a beautiful explanation from his father.

The sees his Jewish brothers sitting at the sedder table spiritually elevated, he cries out מה העבודה הזאת לכם, לכם ולא this holy work is good for You guy who never fell into the sins I did, who don't have such a strong Yetzer Horah as me, but people in my situation cant become elevated or gain from pessach. So we answer him that in Mitzroim we also had people who said that they were the Airiv Rav who stayed behindאולי היה שם לא היה נגאל but the truth is that all Pesach is a time that every Yid who is willing to accept could be elevated in no time from the lowest level to the highest just like it was by יציאת מצרים!

Gut Yom Tov to all Chaverim!!