So here is how it goes.
BUT !

When I was all of 9 years old, I had a class mate who came from a wealthy family always had more than he needed, his father a very very generous person always gave him extra to share with others, and share he did , but it came with a price tag! he would bribe me to go to the bathroom for a minute in middle of class let him... and he would reward me with whatever he had that day. obviously this didn't happen to often but occasionally this did, without any body knowing of anything!

Now I am not looking to blame anybody for my shortcomings but myself, I should of known better then to go along with this, But... this is the sad reality.

After Bar mitzvah we split up in 2 different Yeshivos, but naturally I was left with a dent and as a result I would have fantasies of all sorts did not have a clear head for a day,   but I learned in a very respected Yeshiva was very careful to keep my dignity, made sure to act and talk properly, but inside myself lied a very big secret, many times was I anxious to go talk to a mashgiach about my problem, but my self respect shame and being afraid of revealing my secret kept me back of doing so. I would never drink a ounce on Purim being afraid of letting loose, and maybe I will say something!

So I lived that double life having a name as a TOP BOY and deep down I knew that I was a BOTTOM BOY!

Then came the big blow when I took a office job like 3 years ago and got access to a computer all day long... more need to be said? I found out and filled in all that I have been missing all along after a short while I went from bad to worse My wife kept on asking me what's the matter but of course after so many years of doing this I am quit a good actor and managed to fool her too.

After a while of this behavior and after a deep fall I decided to follow a link from GYE and see what they have to offer, I didn't sign up the first time cuz I cant unveil my secret but after a few times and realizing that I cant fool MYSELF any longer I gave it a try.

So like 4 months ago I had the privilege of joining this holy community and signed up counting 90 days, chatted a lot, read the forum a lot, and even made some close friends which I speak often on the phone, but I still had convicted myself that I am not as bad as the others here I don't need to open up to the public I am strong enough to keep a low profile and still be MISGABER, oh was I wrong! it helped me for a short time but not a long term solution! I reached 83 days once and then like 28 days but yesterday IO had a big blow!

So after consulting with my dear GYE friends I decided to go public and start counting my 90 days openly and hopefully with the koach harabim I will make it to 120 Years!

thanking you in advance for helping me be MISGABER.

Wow, thank you so much for your honesty!

misgaber41


Ok this attitude has got to go! This is despair. Whatever happened in the past. Let GO! ahhh do you feel that calming feeling. We are in the present so lets live in the present. Its all about Today and just Today. Thats it!

But, welcome and thank you for opening up to us!

welcome misgaber!

i too was sure im better then lots of the guys and ill get over it quikly and i dont need to open up i learned the hard way i just started really opening up in reality bh and its very helpfull.

so hang out and keep strong!

kol tuv!

Hey, I posted something this morning, guess it didn't go through

Welcome to the forum section, Misgaber41!!!

Hope to see you around more often!!!

KUTGW!! You're on the right path!!

Thanks for your post and support that's what keeps us going.



Now while I agree that we need to focus on the present I don't think that was being in in despair, all I was trying to say is that the post is not intended to through blame on anybody else.

Thanks again

Ok here I am day 2 on this new journey, I downloaded the big book & the handbook and started to do some reading (thank you Pidaini for emailing it). Things are looking fine , will wait and see how long it will last this time around.

misgaber41 wrote:


You know you don't need to fall...

Welcome! Keep reading and posting! I have some good stuff in my signature.

Dr.Watson wrote:


We cant afford to have GYE close down.

Ok day number 3 so far so good. Made some progress as far as realizing that the problem is REAL and I need to do REAL work. started to do some reading, spoke all day to the Holy Chavairim on GYE, thanks to all of them.

Last night I sat down to learn waited for my chavrusah to come and was overcame with anger or sadness about situation I finally realized I found myself in. Chaver came and learning went very well.

After mariv I had the privalage to have a good conversation with Pidaini, was very fruitfull, night went through calmly.

Today I was on Duvid Chaims call, we had the honor to hear Rabbi Twerski was fascinating.

That's it for now.

Wahoo! Good work. Keep it up! I find speaking to people is the key to success and Pidaini is awesome

KOT!!

dms1234 wrote:


He definitly is!!! with out him who knows.......

(time for some false modesty)

Hey guys, stop it!!! you're making me

(now for the true part)

When I had a hard time a few weeks ago, one of the main things that I was doing differently was not being in touch with friends from GYE and OINK....So, I'm really just being selfish, trying to keep myself sober.

I really need to thank you and everyone here on GYE for keeping me clean!!

THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!

misgaber41 wrote:


Absoposilutely!
Pidaini is the man!

ZemirosShabbos wrote:


And Zemmy is the Giraffe!