WOOOOHOOOO!!!

I'll be really honest here, my ego is skyrocketing. sheesh, why can't I just remember where I was a mere month ago (slipping and itching to get some real stuff), and where I may be in a few hours from now?! sorry about that intrusion, that was a great reminder though.

So what did you do? Do you feel like the same thing will pull you through next time around?

I find that blaming myself is really just another way of me trying to stay in control and change something I can't. "Uch, I wish I could change where I am right now!!"

One day at a time, for me, includes not thinking about the past things, even what I've done, which I cannot change. "What do I need to do/what is possible for me to do, right NOW, in my present situation?" is all I need to think about. It is a life saver for me.

KUTGW!!! KOMT!!!! and most of all (maybe) KOP(osting)!!!!

sirclean wrote:
Do you have an eating disorder or depression or both? If so, you may benefit from therapy. If I am jumping to conclusions, please ignore me.

A freilichin Chanuka!

I still need to respond to all the huge chizuk that I received/am receiving. The Chevra is amazing and I wish I could contribute more often it's just that 95% percent of the day I don't have any access to internet at all! (I use to have my phone but I blocked internet on it).

Quick update: Bli ayin hara we are trucking along. Been super busy so that always helps. It's funny, what really got me through that last nisayon wasn't any 12 step stuff. I tried to "let go" but I'm not sure that's made for the heart of the battle. Honestly I made myself read everyone's posts and between all of the support and seeing all of the eitzos made me believe I could do it. Thanks again.

Besides that I'm not even sure which day I'm up to. Because I like Pidiano said its just about being sober today. In Yeshiva we'd say "the kiyum of today is not the fact today is day 15 out of 90 rather that just today I'm clean." Also Pidiani is so right. Blaming yourself has the Yetzers written all over it.

Side note Gibbor:I actually thing I'm addicted to food like people are addicted to lust. I don't take get too depressed, depressed is a strong word more discouraged.I'm actually a pretty happy person. Do I need therapy for it? Dunno maybe.

KUTGW!!! KOMT!!!!

A frielochin Chanukah! Today I saw something I wasn't supposed to see. I quickly looked away but the image keeps on popping in my head. I squash it but it has me feeling weak overall. It's tough because there was nothing I could have done and I still feel weak.....

kol hakavod for quickly looking away,
squashing just makes it bounce back,
KOT working learning or whatever else you should be doing,
I still hear Rav Elya Svei's voice readingme the avos dreb nosson reish perek chof when I asked him about such a situation (before I was addicted),
but maybe remembering how it makes us feel weak could help us to change something for the future

KOT KOMT!!!

As Kilochalu wrote, squashing it doens't sound very good.

I found that my greatest desire at such a time was NOT TO HAVE THE THOUGHT!!! I would try squashing it, as to say "GO AWAY!!!!", it never listened to me

BUT, what has worked was realizing that what thoughts pop up are beyond my control. The only thing I could change is how I react to that thought being there. I ask Hashem "If I get into a fight with this thought, it has been proven that I will act out. So I ask you to lead me to do the right thing, what You would like me to do"

Realizing that what thoughts come through my is beyond my control, is a game changer, because I had to find the point of bechirah which Hashem did give me, and change only what I could!

and perhaps, the "blow it up" method can be used here...can someone provide him the link for this please?

thanks

b'hatzlachah

Not sure what blow it up means but it sounds good. So why doesn't squashing it work? I mean I know it spent but I can't figure out why. Anyway today was b"h a good day so let's keep on grinding. A Freilichin!

I had a slip today. I lingered on something I wasn't supposed to see. I feel myself getting weaker which itself is a problem because I know that it's not a question of resolve. I shouldn't be fighting anything.I try to surrender my lust but push comes to shove I feel myself fighting.what to do?

sirclean wrote:


I don't know about that, we are here to fight, the question is which specific battle we are supposed to fight.

For me, surrender means exactly what you describe, I know that I get weak, that I will not be able to stand up for myself. It is specifically for that reason that I need to have something besides myself to help me out.

So I fight, I fight my ego and open up to friends about my situation, I fight my ego and realize that I can't control certain thoughts and feelings. The only thing I can do is control how I go on with life even though I have those thoughts and feelings, I have learned that I can't trust myself to continue on with life normally, so I have gotten a network of friends and Hashem that I turn to when in need.

sirclean wrote:
When you try to squash it, you are still thinking about it. Don't try to squash it. Simply change the topic.

Rav Noach Weiberg used to say "do you know the best way to get someone out of a depression"?
...


Ask him to help you move some furniture. In other words, get him to focus on something else. The depression will leave by itself. Same here. Focus on something else. Don't focus on not focusing, cuz it will just cause you to keep focusing . HATZLACHA!

I would suggest that you fight your addiction by chaneling your thoughts and feelings in an emotionally intimate manner. While we all know that Ain Aputropos LArayos, the Yetzer Hara can be channeled properly via emotional intimacy which will lead to an enhanced sense of physical intimacy with your wife.

here is the original "blow it up" method:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/102639-Blow-it-up#102639

Regarding the previous poster's advice...d'haynu that one should channel his desire towards intimacy, if he means that your lust should be channeled towards your wife - that is something that many on this site advise against. perhaps though he means something else.

b'hatzlachah

Quick update and (some) responses: Shgoyach for the chizuk! BH I've been trucking along although I am worried that I just recently completed a massive project I won't be as busy which is obviously bad. A few good days of shmiras eyenayom take helped my precarious state. Anyway Gibbor I hear exactly what you're saying.So true.

Ok after finally getting Some big book reading done the way they write it seems the let go and let Hashem or the surrender your lust really just means have bitachin A's lean on Hashem. I intend to go through it more thoroughly but it seems the chev ta
chevra has a deeper understanding. What am I missing?