still going strong bh... with even greater purity... day 10 and counting
KOMTWB (WITH BEER.... LETS MAKE A LECHAIM)
thanks
good night yiden

Hey don't drink and drive!

... I fell... and fell gain... again ... gain... again... on the ground for almost @ weeks
but erev peseach I decided its time to stand up
and im happy to announce.. Im back on track
now ten days clean bh
hoi... I need to break this once and for all

Correction: I need to break this once and for all one day at a time. Since today is 10 days, which is where the sefira holds, so you got yourself a great daily counter. "Hayom asarah yamim..." ... "Letahareinu ulkadsheinu bikdushascha ha'elyonah, amen selah".

Hatzlacha

MT

Machshovo Tova wrote:

so eloquently put it... didnt thnk of that... that just gives me an extra badly needed push
today is 12 day to in omer.... so am I with my very own journey... v'etahar v'eskadeish

Im thinking about committing my self to the "double taphsik" method
in the past it worked wonders.. I just need ideas as to what the distraction should be and what the small/big knas should be..
moreover, I need a judge! someone who I should completely rely on to tell me if so and so is considered a fall or a slip. In the past that was my biggest challenge in a weak moment I would think to myself 'ah this is just a slip, I wouldn't need to pay knas" resulting in an avoidable fall (should I know a judge is going to determine)
I camt discuss it in an open forum cuz it might be triggering
anyone? (easy just to answer a PM with an incident replying pay or dont pay)

toda

after a long and painful downward break im hoping to start a fresh new cycle of clean days
just i dont really know how this journey will be any different or why it would be stronger
though, Im very optimistic that the result this time around will be better

Ive come to the point where i actually realized that im just not a free man while hooked to this trash ... simply bonded working for someone... i wanna be my own boss
just thinking about being clean and fantasizing about me as a person being sober.. oh what a wonderful feeling of satisfaction that gives me... just thinking about it

Ive started the 90 day journey
In addition im committing myself to donate to this site a 100$ within 24 hours of the next fall (until 90 days clean)
a fall should be defined to whatever i would not do in front of V.A.

I dont even know why im so excited (but yet broken into pieces)about joining again..
looking fwd to tell my story of success
gn

im not alone wrote:


So are we!!

KOT!!
take it moment by moment, as the saying goes "grab life by it's horns"!!!

im not alone wrote:

I was with you until the last part. When we left Mitzrayim, we didn't leave slavery. We just changed masters. Wanting "to be our own boss" is what keeps us slaves of the Y"H.

Paradoxically, the only way to be truly "free" is to become "servants" of Hashem.

or in 12 step lingo "let go and let G-d".

almost 24 hours clean
although i dont yet have a full clean day... im already feeling the kind of relief and freedom i coudnt have with this addiction haunting me

i know that getting rid of actual masturbating and pornography is a huge step... and im going full force at it
but its only a first step..
a person like me needs to be cleaned out wiped out and live a life... a fulfilled life.. a life that is more than just 'not masturbating'
enjoying life... freedom... is what i desire (i dont even know the taam of life if ive yet to taste it:( )
ultimately my goal is as dov so beautifully put it to judge a women as a person who is by the way a women
in the mean time ill focus on step number one for without it there is no step 2

and hopefully ill redefine my goals as i progress
my goal is... to keep updating my goals

im not alone wrote:


I love that line!!

(Aka: My goal is to keep making goals!!! )

GOAL!! (uk thread )


Just keep in mind: "one day at a time" (GOAL!!)

im not alone wrote:


Many of us have that problem, we have either never experienced REAL life, or have entirely forgotten what it is like.

But as time progresses we will hopefully catch a glimpse of it, and from that we can aim for more!

guys i very much appreciate your chizuk! thanks

update: i just entered day 4 with 3 solid clean days behind me
im kind of juggling back and forth whats the best approach of tackling this addiction, either fighting it full force.. or by just letting it go and try not to think of either the battle and the problem..

in other words either im conscious all day about the fight which that brings along the consciousness of the addiction as well so that I have in front of my eys both the struggle and the tools
or...
I just let it go not thinking of anything as if im not fighting anything and when im in a weak mode (probably will happen less as with the first option) ill just try not to think about it altogether
I hope im clear with what i say

im not alone wrote:


these guys are the best!

im not alone wrote:


great! keep it up! [im on day 21]

im not alone wrote:


my preference is for the former; forget about the fight! just be strong throughout the day and avoid those little things that are triggers. If they come upon you, then gird yourself with full body armor and fight the pesky ... twerp!

b'hatzlachah, and you definitely are not alone

I like what I call the "back burner" approach. You never forget about it completely, cuz then your eyes may wander. You don't think about it all the time, for then your mind will obsess. You keep it on the back burner. Before you go out, you remind yourself that you must be careful with your eyes (there is even a tefillah before going out), and then you think about something else completely. SO, in the back of your mind, you are on guard, but you are not consciously thinking about it all the time.

nine days.... yes bh im able to say im currently in my tenth day bh
oh how im a different person now
but I still fill in some sense attached to schmuts I just hope it will fade overtime
thanks all