Your rigorous honesty is an inspiration to us. KOT

That guy is still there.
A bit bloodied and bruised, but an antiseptic or two and he will be right back.
Let's focus on now and the minute following that.

I was sick this Yom Kippur. I was sleeping in my bed shivering last night with a fever. BH the fever broke in the morning but I felt so weak. I could not stand and I could not concentrate. BH I made it through the fast.

My davening was so much faster and less kavanah than usual. But that I was sick is Hashem's will. On the other hand I felt myself crying a lot this year. My year this past year was a lot worse than the previous year. I couldnt help but cry over ny bad choices, and pray that Hashem should dorgive me and help me set it right going forward.

I seem to need a new mantra every once in a while. My current one is "Your ideas are better than mine"

Well... Not really. My idea is for you to do what works for you. Each guy here has his own unique truck. Some of us have to adjust the mirrors some of us need a louder horn. We gotta do whatever it takes to get our rig rolling forward uphill. If what we did until now doesn't hold our wheels from sliding back, then perhaps we gotta take our truck back to the shop = rethink what method will actually work FOR ME, and nobody else
And I'm sorry to hear you weren't feeling good on YK, hope you feel better soon. Btw if you were crying more that sounds to me like you had great kavana. I hope you have a Better year!!!

Refuah shleimah.

I like the mantra.

markz wrote:

The subject of my mantra is Hashem, and His ideas are better. Mine just suck.


Thanks

There are many people posting on the forum from 'selfloathing' to 'stinkypeet'. I have not come across 'Hashem' yet.

Or is it on a different website like GodYourEyes.com or something

I'd love to hear what He says, that has worked for you - seriously!!!

He says:
לא תקרבו לגלות ערוה

לא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם

הנה נתתי לפניכם היום את החיים ואת הטוב את המוות ואת הרע ובחרת בחיים

Because I accept that He is the one controlling my life I can listen to those things. When I think that I am in charge I can't listen.

I actually thought you were referring to the ideas of others, but God is fine as well.

Shlomo24's last post inspired me to post this.

I was crying during unetaneh tokef at first at the awesomeness of the judgment, even the malachim tremble from it. Then I read ומי יזכה בעינך בדין, and I though that there is no stupid justifications with Hashem, He sees right through it all, so I cried some more.

But then I started smiling and I felt really happy. After all who is judging me? My Father in Heaven who loves me even more than my father on earth, and that is saying something. I know that everything that hapoens to me rhis year, every decree, will be from love and for my own best interest, what more can I ask for?

I am learning chovos halevavos (very slowly) and the thing that I am taking away from it is that I can not in any way ever come close to repaying Hashem for all He does for me. My doing good is not a tit for tat with Him. My doing what I am supposed to be doing is just showing that Hashem I am your servant. You give me everything, so let me at least try to act as your servant. That is the very least I can do for the Being that sustains and provides for me every second of every day.

I look at the left side bar and it says current streak: 1 day. I am actually at 7 days now, but I don't want to update my chart. I love that is says current streak: 1 day, because that is the only day that is important, just today. Today I need a streak of one day. It gives me a lot of chizzuk and a nice dose of reality.

Chag sameach to all.

I like your idea of showing 1 day, however I hope you keep a log 'cos they say there is something about 90 days.

D'you want to change the post title to "MBJ's 1 day (and more) journey" I think it sounds cool

MBJ wrote:

When I buy ink for my printer I might print this out and stick it somewhere. BE"H

markz wrote:


90 days are important I have done it 3 times already. More important for me at least at this point in my recovery is today.

You have a חזקה of 3x 90 days. INCREDIBLE.

And today's sobriety also deserves a mazel Tov!!!

Can you share what tools you found were most beneficial to your 'healing'