A poor man named benny was searching through a garbage dump for something to eat and he came across an old hot water urn. He decided to take it home to try it out. When he rubbed a shmatta on it to try getting it clean, a genie popped out and granted him one wish. Being a desperately poor man, he wished for extreme wealth. The genie granted his wish.....on the condition that he would never shave his beard, with the stern warning that if he would so much as touch a hair, he would be killed by this very urn. Years later, the now rich Benny was having difficulty getting around with his feet constantly slipping on his overgrown beard. So, one day, he said to himself "what could really happen if i just shave off a bit" and without a second thought, he grabbed a razor and shaved off a sizable chunk of beard. Instantly, the urn rattled and fell off its shelf hitting Benny squarely on the head and killing him.
Always remember: 

Karl’s real name must be Benny. 
(check out his new avatar)

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift

peloni almoni wrote on 12 Aug 2015 03:56:

The inventor of the hokey pokey died. His funeral was quite interesting.
First they put his left foot in......

I  just did.
I was actually a nice read. Oh if i could live till 160 and be the wisest. I have so much that i would do!

Here's two of my favorite puns:
1. I'm dismayed because someone tore the fifth page out of my calendar. 
2. Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be doing a movie about classical music.
He’ll be Bach.  

The grape didn’t say much when he got stepped on. 
He just let out a little wine. 

Why are rivers rich?

Some people say it's Gingerale, some people say it's Gingerkale, but everybody agrees it's Fresca!

I just bought a book about how to fix up your basement.

The chazzan in my shul is really frum.

I was just hired by a company that makes bicycle wheels.