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Lessons Learned
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TOPIC: Lessons Learned 17607 Views

Re: Lessons Learned 03 Mar 2020 22:56 #347689

  • doingtshuva
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From time to time you can find an add in the Ami about kosher rehab. But what  Hashem Help Me is trying to say is, when will come the day that we people wont judge other people who are struggling,
Many people struggle in a dark fear, full with pain and in despair. They dont know to who to open up and to trust. 
 NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!

I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.


Gye program + Handbook  -  Phone conferences  -  Taphsik method  -  90 day chart  -  Ebooks  -  Shiurim  -  Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski  -  Recent topics on the Forum

Re: Lessons Learned 04 Mar 2020 05:19 #347694

  • wilnevergiveup
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I Don't think that's the only issue. I was also thinking when I was introduced to GYE, why isn't everyone talking about this, we have a big problem, here is a potential solution, lets get going! But there is also the exposing people who were never exposed and I think that our gedolei yisroel (who know our problem for the most part) feel that we still need to keep those people sheltered. This obviously complicates things, as you would have to find a venue that serves only people already exposed, obvously a Melava Malka for sex addicts would be uncomfortable to attend (the stigma issue). 

From what it seems, at this point, Mechanchim an Rabonim do refer people to GYE. 

May everyone get the help that they need. 

Re: Lessons Learned 04 Mar 2020 23:43 #347702

  • doingtshuva
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wilnevergiveup wrote on 04 Mar 2020 05:19:
I Don't think that's the only issue. I was also thinking when I was introduced to GYE, why isn't everyone talking about this, we have a big problem, here is a potential solution, lets get going! But there is also the exposing people who were never exposed and I think that our gedolei yisroel (who know our problem for the most part) feel that we still need to keep those people sheltered. This obviously complicates things, as you would have to find a venue that serves only people already exposed, obvously a Melava Malka for sex addicts would be uncomfortable to attend (the stigma issue). 

From what it seems, at this point, Mechanchim an Rabonim do refer people to GYE. 

May everyone get the help that they need. 

Mechanchim an Rabonim can refer people to GYE, but as long they are hiding their own issues and struggles from their own students, the topic will stay a secret.
We are in a generation that everyone is struggling, but no one is ready to get up and talk about it publicly. 
I would like to hear of michanchim who share with their students the way they overcome their struggles.
 NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!

I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.


Gye program + Handbook  -  Phone conferences  -  Taphsik method  -  90 day chart  -  Ebooks  -  Shiurim  -  Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski  -  Recent topics on the Forum

Re: Lessons Learned 05 Mar 2020 01:18 #347703

  • Markz
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doingtshuva wrote on 04 Mar 2020 23:43:

wilnevergiveup wrote on 04 Mar 2020 05:19:
I Don't think that's the only issue. I was also thinking when I was introduced to GYE, why isn't everyone talking about this, we have a big problem, here is a potential solution, lets get going! But there is also the exposing people who were never exposed and I think that our gedolei yisroel (who know our problem for the most part) feel that we still need to keep those people sheltered. This obviously complicates things, as you would have to find a venue that serves only people already exposed, obvously a Melava Malka for sex addicts would be uncomfortable to attend (the stigma issue). 

From what it seems, at this point, Mechanchim an Rabonim do refer people to GYE. 

May everyone get the help that they need. 

Mechanchim an Rabonim can refer people to GYE, but as long they are hiding their own issues and struggles from their own students, the topic will stay a secret.
We are in a generation that everyone is struggling, but no one is ready to get up and talk about it publicly. 
I would like to hear of michanchim who share with their students the way they overcome their struggles.

Whether we like it or not, before we discuss how much others should share their personal lives, we need to look in the mirror, remove the corona face mask and ask ourselves - have I disclosed my struggles honestly and sufficiently to my Rav / Therapist / Chaver...

I can assure you that if all the gye members ourselves would stand up to the plate, it would likely help significantly remove the stigma

GYE had a convention in Israel, how many of us would be ready to stand up to the podium to share our story?
Its a tough issue

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Last Edit: 05 Mar 2020 01:38 by Markz.

Re: Lessons Learned 05 Mar 2020 12:51 #347718

  • Dave M
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Markz wrote on 05 Mar 2020 01:18:



Whether we like it or not, before we discuss how much others should share their personal lives, we need to look in the mirror, remove the corona face mask and ask ourselves - have I disclosed my struggles honestly and sufficiently to my Rav / Therapist / Chaver...

I can assure you that if all the gye members ourselves would stand up to the plate, it would likely help significantly remove the stigma

GYE had a convention in Israel, how many of us would be ready to stand up to the podium to share our story?
Its a tough issue

#GdSaveUsFromaVirus


Very valid point.  However, It's very difficult to be the Nachshon ben Aminadav.

​Part of what makes GYE so successful is the anonymous aspect of it.  People who struggles in these areas are very embarrassed to share their struggles.  This is not as much the case when it come to those who struggles with other forms of addictions (drugs, alcohol, etc.).  That's why the first step is removing the stigma.  The frum community has been successful is reducing the stigma in other areas.  If this is as widespread and rampant, then why is this not discussed more often and openly?  People continue to use the euphemism of "Technology safety".  Sometime, in order to get a message across, people need to hear the untainted truth. 
Last Edit: 05 Mar 2020 14:50 by Dave M.

Re: Lessons Learned 05 Mar 2020 23:26 #347733

  • doingtshuva
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Markz, your right, we should open up, but to people who understand addiction. Not to Rabbis who would look down on me after I took the courage to open up to them.
 NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!

I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.


Gye program + Handbook  -  Phone conferences  -  Taphsik method  -  90 day chart  -  Ebooks  -  Shiurim  -  Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski  -  Recent topics on the Forum

Re: Lessons Learned 19 Mar 2020 17:16 #347953

  • sbj
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 04 Oct 2019 16:47:
Dave M, in response: In "real life" I am very careful with language. After all, our ability to speak is what elevates us from the animal kingdom. The mouth must be kept pristine. However on GYE I found that our hesitance in being open and blunt did not come from a holy place, rather from either fear of the "monster", or from denial. I suffered from both. The challenge became an anxiety producing, larger than life, monster. It would be impossible to stop or exercise any control. It was as if the eiver had a mind of its own. Sometimes I wanted to just cut it off. I was angry at it, and boy was I scared of it. I would have to hide erections!  It became a separate entity from me, and it was calling the shots. Secondly, denial - how could I, a frum guy, talk about masturbation? How could I share those erotic urges I had. No, they must be shoved into a dark closet somewhere where they don't exist - until of course I plotzed and acted out big time. It took me a long time to be able to even write, let alone say," I masturbated" or "I watched pornography/sex". The closest I would get would be to write/say "It happened".  Then I graduated to writing m**** or p**** . BH I realized that for my refuas hanefesh I had to write and say the words, knowing exactly what I was admitting to and knowing that it was not larger than life. My eiver is part of me and controlled by my brain. So Dave M, I agree. I wish I could get up in every shul and openly bluntly and beneficially talk about the challenges we all have and be living proof that b'ezras Hashem there is hope. We can stop doing aveiros and we can stop being so tzubrochen. But so far, without gedolei Yisroel instructing otherwise, we have to satisfy ourselves with speaking b'derech remez, convincing rebbeim (including chosson rebbeim) to allow people to comfortably bring up the subject, and privately, one by one help whoever we can. Truth to be told, even if a ho'ra'as sha'ah was made to have public discussions, most of us would hesitate being that open. Hey, we have kids to marry off iyh in the right time.....

Well, not everything is meant to be discussed publicly. It would be a great digression if we did start to be open in public on these matters. What we do need is understanding; the right guidance and support in the appropriate manner. True, our times warrant responses according to its challenges, but the answer is not going public, rather working on improving within the existing structure, or come up with new creative resources in a private format. Of course the podium seems to be the easiest logistically, lemaase it is not.
Last Edit: 19 Mar 2020 17:22 by sbj.

Re: Lessons Learned 19 May 2020 16:18 #350009

  • yosef10
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doingtshuva wrote on 05 Mar 2020 23:26:
Markz, your right, we should open up, but to people who understand addiction. Not to Rabbis who would look down on me after I took the courage to open up to them.

It's interesting you say that. To some this isn't even an option, but to those that do, the least a Rebbe can say is that he doesn't understand, a true Rebbe know when to say "I don't know, you may have to ask someone else". 
in my experience though, I have had the zechus of speaking to Rabanim who know the struggle, understand and sympathies with it, and can have a real conversation with you even when you feel like trash. Also, it really depends on where you live, but I'm a lot of Jewish communities the psychologists are usually Jewish.... And sometimes even have Smicha. My psychologist had two switches, when I wanted to hear Hashem love me and some breslove Torah, he had that.... When I wanted to hear nothing about Judaism and for him to give me the cold hard facts... He had that as well. It was a huge bracha for me, and hopefully all of us at one point can have that opportunity. 
I think though it's also helpful just to know that such a person exists. 
"Don't let your alarm clock be the only reason you wake up" -a random goy with good motivation

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