You’ve asked for thoughts on the inyan, but you haven’t specified your strategies. But I’ll briefly comment. If you’ve made it to 64, that’s amazing. What’s worked for me is having a kesher with someone. Also  having a sipuk in what I’m learning I’m able to fight the urges. 

Just checking in holding now at day 68(!) Had some minor urges over shabbos BH nothing I couldn't handle, on a different note  I started reaching out to someone it definitely helps, just having someone to talk to and speak things out with is a game changer (thank you ykwya) also started reading a couple of pages of TBOTG a night not sure what I think of it yet but I'll give it a fair shot.

Less skeptical still open minded but ratherstayanonymous

I think I'm getting more sensitive to just regular shmiras eynayim, started noticing how my eyes just move around on impulse to the happenings on the street, It isn't easy tuning out the crazyness of geula but I guess no one achieves greatness easily

Onwards and upwards ODAAT

We never realized how desensitized we were. Remember that our natural response is to look. The part that is important is that we don't linger or look back.

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

ratherstayanonymous wrote on 29 Jan 2025 21:56:

awareness is a big step

Got way too close to a fall on shabbos it's the first time in a while I got hit with such a strong urge, BH I caught myself before anything happened, I jumped out of bed read down my reasons for change card I keep on me and got busy, still a little shook up from the whole experience guess I gotta be more vigilant!

That's it brother !!!catching yourself.  Pulling out of that rats(YH) clutches.    Remember your taivos are not you.  But your seichel and yetser tov   ARE THE ACTUAL YOU               breathlessly waiting on your continued success

Hey there been a while since I posted BH now holding at day 85 (the numbers keep getting crazier) as the big "90" approaches I wonder if I've made any real inner change or if I just white knuckled my way here, it seems that there's a pattern the goes something like "if you white knuckle your way through, whatever the amount of days when a tsunami urge hits you'll fall, but if you make an inner change of your prospective on the struggle you have a chance at succeeding" 

It's all very useful and makes sense but how do you know if you've made that change? And how do you do it, if not by just staying clean?

Amazing!
Regarding internal change vs. whiteknucling I can not say from a personal experience  as for the most part I am  still white knuckling. However speaking with others who have gotten there they tell me there is no 1 moment where you say "I have changed". It came from a realization over time (Sometimes long) they realized "I do not think the way I used to".

That being said, whatever the reason is you should be extremely proud of yourself that you have gotten to where you are!
You are an inspiration to to whoever reads your thread!
Thank you

ratherstayanonymous wrote on 12 Feb 2025 12:20:

First of all, congrats on the massive number of clean days. Regardless of what's going on inside, you've accomplished something amazing.

I would say don't overthink this. Having self-confidence and trust in yourself that you have changed and won't fall back into the same things is a huge part of actually staying clean. If you're spending time doubting yourself and worrying "did I really change?" then you're more likely to fall back.

Trust in yourself and in the changes you've made. If you've gotten to ninety and you're not going out of your mind plotzing for a "release" then you've definitely made some inner changes.

That being said, there's always more room for inner growth. A good idea is to sit down and make a plan. "Until now I've been doing xyz and that's been working. I'm going to continue doing those things. In order to continue growing, and not stagnate, I'm also going to do abc." And the new things that you work on should be related to inner change.

What's an example? Things like filters/webchaver/knassos/day-based goals/etc. are external tools. Tools like really feeling the Battle of the Generation approach, surrendering, tefillah, some of the mindfullness tools in F2F, change your mehalach and perspective  in dealing with the struggle, and in dealing with life in general. Focusing in on tools relating to inner change is a way to get to inner change.

Just some thoughts. Either way, huge mazel tov on day 85. Keep on crushing it!

Day 89 and I've been thinking about all the things that expose me to untznius things besides P because at the end of the day many things can contribute to urges, fantasies, and lack of basic sensitivity to unholy things. Bikitzur most nights before I go to sleep I like to listen to a podcast true crime or the daily wire or just pashut stupidity, I always convinced myself that it helps me wind down and just disconnect from the world in general, but to be honest we all know the many innuendos that make there way even onto the more "kosher" shows and not to forget that basically every true crime case revolves around some sort of relationship (spare the details). So just to test it out I BN this week will try to go to sleep without listening to a podcast or following up on the latest news. I got myself a Jewish book (which has is own dangers of "just one more chapter") so I could have some healthier entertainment before bed and hopefully I'm right that it doesn't actually help me fall asleep and I'll be able to forgo my nightly ritual smoothly, but I thought I'd post it here just for some accountability and reassurance......

It's quite surreal seeing the big ol' 90 on top of my GYE dashboard, it's funny to think about but if someone would've placed a bet on my success I would've bet thousands of dollars against myself and truth be told I probably would have won the bet if not for the help and encouragement of everyone on the site and befrat the few people I've been zoche to befriend in the last 90 days. 

Now obviously the journey has just begun and the YH will never let up but for once I'm hopeful that this is a battle I can win.


KOT

My dear SBOM,


Mazel Tov!

If only I would have known you a few months ago I definitely would have placed that bet and now I would have been a rich man..


Your desire to learn and grow is a force that has brought you to where you are today and will bezh continue to propel you to new heights. You are now armed with a greater degree of strength and a deeper understanding of yourself and this struggle which will help you as you continue to navigate and conquer this beautiful thing called life.


Keep going strong!


your friend,


minhamayim  

What a horrible terrible week it's been, for those who haven't seen my grouch the podcast/news kaballah I tried this week was a total disaster, was up till 3:00 a.m. every night, I feel like it helped somewhat for urges and lust but it's hard to tell, what definitely doesn't help us waking up late and davening in the dining room cuz I couldn't fall asleep until some dysfunctional hour, not even sure if it's worth pursuing this vieter