Bh I'm home and got over urge  but had  urges today specifically while driving (writing this a little veiled don't wanna make others triggered )   p*** right now is not my YH (due to making myself basically not have access, wife put codes on all devices). But my other YH of seeing people burns like fire . Flairs up for no apparent reason. Anyone with experienc have any aitsos.  I feel so strong so successfully and in a few short moments am literally fighting with all my emotional energy back at square one not to go there.  I know y it's bad/wrong/dangerous. But then y do I get so exited.  I feel like I'm never gonna get over this part of the YH and always be triggered.   Anyone can relate?

I can relate so strongly to what you say. Literally every woman I pass in the street is a trigger and sometimes I just wake up feeling very aroused without any particular trigger. I unfortunately do not have any foolproof eitza how to get over it. It would depend on the strength of the urge. Sometimes I just start talking to hashem and surrendering to him and while it does not make the urge any less, it does make me feel like I am not alone. If I can get on the phone with someone is also an eitza people use though admittedly not always relevant. Finally very often I just force myself not to look at all despite the urges. A very difficult strategy for sure but Do not really have any other eitza. (That is not to say I never fall and look, unfortunately too often I do)There are a few other things that sometimes work as well. Feel free to PM me about them. But I feel for you brother! The difficulty of fighting all these urges can really feel overwhelming. The best outlook is that Hashem knows this nisoyon and knows we have the ability to overcome or he would not give it to us in the first place. Please reach out. I know this feeling so well!

Hi, just saw your last post. I can relate very much, as I'm sure many others on here can too, it's very normal to be triggered by seeing women in the street and also to have the urge for it (hoping I understood you correctly). It can get easier, as time goes on and you rewire your brain it will become less of a struggle. What I found which helped me was to remember that I wasn't planning on masturbating, so then getting aroused is actually just building anticipation for something and then not getting it, which is very uncomfortable. If you are struggling with a deep desire for sexual pleasure (masturbation) then there are many tools to help before the urge to lessen them and during, but what worked for me was to remind myself that I don't need sex/masturbation to be happy, I can be happy without it, it will numb my pain now but my goal in life is not to be on painkillers all the time. Also it helps to remember that the urge and feelings will pass, it might take a bit of time, but if you don't feed it it will pass. This is assuming its not connected to withdrawal which comes between 2-4 weeks of being sober from P and M, if it's that then buckle up for a couple days, get some friends to reach out to and keep busy. It will last a few days but it will pass, and even within that time it will still only come in waves but I found for myself the feelings and urges lasted longer than usual.
Hatzlachah!

Yes of course, were all like that.
What I've learnt is to know that its a normal feeling to wanna look. What we have to work on is not to look again, and control after the fact that our eyes are already there. So we looked, ok now lets try to change the next few minutes not the past few minutes.
Also its so important for me that even though I looked even for five or ten minutes straight, and the worst fantasizing has rushed through my head, its still so important to control myself for the next minute, or even seconds. 
The YH tells us you already fell with this woman, work on not looking at the next one. Tell him back that he's not talking sense, its our job to not look more.
I'm writing as if its easy for me, Its not, I just want you to know that were in this together, and i get the same chizuk from your post.

I have no doubt that its gonna get easier for all of us, we need a lot of rewiring.

Dear V'lo azavunu,
First off, even if you know things are no good, and even if you decided logically not to do something, your base desire doesn't just change. It still screams and tantrums. Desire will not go away just because you decide not to follow it. Second of all, no question that with time the urges subside in intensity and regularity. It takes time to create new behavior patterns.
What's super important is not to get upset at yourself for having desires. Just relax. Remember, you're human, you were created with a YH, you have past behaviors that gave you ideas, so even if you're a real tzaddik right now, which you are, there will be challenges. Be at peace with that! And keep doing what you are doing. You're an inspiration to many!

Checkin in with my chaverim!! totally lost the original excitement of discovering this forum and the chavershaft that comes along with it   and also feel like im a shtikle goaless because allready hit 30 and 90 days is really far away ....           But we're keeping to rock it's the only way

I'm sorry if I sound mean, but I'm happy to hear that you've lost the original excitement. Let me explain. That original excitement, or euphoria, is wonderful to get the spaceship off the ground. Now it's time to start really thinking, logically, why you want this behavior and not your past behavior. We are not meant to constantly travel by the force of euphoria. It's ok that you are calmer. And stronger. And have ideas in your head. 

And friends that will never let go so don't bother trying

I couldn't have said it better then my good friend, eerie!

Now is the chance to start understanding and then working on what YOU need to change in order to achieve the lasting, internal change that is integral to long-term cleanliness.
KOMT!!

Just to jump in here;

I really relate to your feelings, I remember {not so long ago} getting to this point where the original excitement completely subsided, and there were no goals to look forward to, boy was it hard for me to stay clean, which was when I began to truly understand the depths of ODAAT altough I thought I understood it from day one, but with hitting this stage it took on a whole deeper meaning.

One Day At A Time isn't holding back or white knuckling for just another day, instead it's bringing out your inner self control and power that you really have to be able to go clean for another day, not holding back and stay clean fo another day, just like you really can fast till chatzos it's easy because you just don't need to eat for these three hours, vs fasting all day which is basically holding back from eating fo the whole day.

Once I got to this understanding, suddenly every day became another goal, I no longer needed 30, 60, 90, etc. day goals.

Rooting for you brother.
Hope this can be of good use for you;
With love Akiva

lamaazavtuni wrote on 05 Feb 2025 02:05:

Wow!! You totally took the words out of my mouth!! I just didn’t make it past 31 days. I don’t want to hijack your thread, but I also had that. I didn’t feel anything when reading the forums and interacting with everyone.
Don’t give up!!! Keep going strong!!! 

Yes eerie I know I'm stuck with you for life. !!!     With friends like you who needs enemies

Unclear y only the first part of my message sent...    basically meant to end off but had to run that even though the excitement wore off the thing that I have now that I didn't have then is the friends that I made (their not solely mine they could be yours also if you didn't yet call do it)  a huge part of y I wont fall is cause Id feel so stupid letting them down. And now that I know how genuine they are and how they'll really do anything anytime and go anywhere to help me stay clean from these retarded behaviors.          Special shout-out to my chaver who gave unlimited time last night.!!!And now my throat feels like a ashtray....      

Tzvai mol chai !!!   Trying to make a bunch of mini goals to keep myself motivated    next up is 50 days.        Any ideas from the experts how to keep this away from my wife as its getting totally suspicious why I'm spending so much time in bathroom (on gye) or y it takes so long for me to put kids to sleep ....     

K this wasn't a fall but it was the most stupid thing I could have done       the yetser hararas we have is retarded ,we do stupid retarded things that make no sense and after were like what the flip whas I thinking but obviously during ,we dont think anything besides for a pumping heart sweaty palms and a red face with adrenaline cursing though every possible vein .      I work so hard put in so much energy /selfControl /time/thought   my whole life basically revolves around Getting clean .   But then in two freaken seconds I'll give it all up bh hashem made it not possible .  Shomer pesayim hashem .      So frustrated with myself right now and feel really loserish.                       Love you all have a great shabbos.    
         Ailey LAMAH AZAVTUNI 

Take heed of how this stupid thing happened and try to out in the requisite guardrails that it shouldn’t happen again. But please don’t beat up my friend lamaazavtuni. It doesn’t help. We’ve all done really stupid things many many times…. Just focus on making sure it doesn’t happen again. 

with boundless brotherly love,
Muttel