jollylemur95 wrote on 27 Nov 2024 18:37:


Hi Reb Jolly. 

I know I've said this to you via PM but I'll say it on here so other readers can see. 

Firstly I wouldn't call it an oneis. I would call you, someone who has to deal with a GINORMOUSLY difficult challenge. 
For some, Hashem gave them a challenge of having no legs. For some, it's difficult children or marriage, and for us here, it's a wild yetzer hara for lust. 

You aren't responsible for having the yetzer hara at all. You aren't at fault in any way for wanting to watch P or to M. 

However, most of this YH is easily removable (I can't believe I'm writing this coz I would have called anyone who told me this three months ago, a FAT LIAR) 
By shmoozing your troubles out and by reaching out to the warmest tzadikim here, you can and WILL clean yourself up. 
By changing your mindset, from one of NEEDING lust, to someone who can live without it, will change your life and this has been a complete game changer for me. 

We'll shmooze more in private but again, reach out. The people here are the warmest, most zeese tzadikim, and they will help you shteig and be so holy. 

Three months ago, I was so deep in the pits of hell, I couldn't imagine ever being clean. 
Today, it's a different story. 
I've managed to rid myself of 20 years of lust (and have done it while life has not been easy in other areas)
Marriage is better, WAY better. Lots of things are better. 
Let's do this my friend. 

(And why are you kvetching so much!!! You managed 37 days! That's GADLUS. REAL GADLUS) 

How Jolly my week has become!!!

I was crying reading your post and can see you climbing that Holy mountain.....

With a ton of brotherly love,
Muttel

The chiddush to me isn't that you felt like garbage. The chiddush isn't that you didn't believe the mentors who said you weren't garbage. The chiddush is that you were able to accept a psak that you weren't. That more than anything shows someone with real strength. 

That strength is going to get you places. 

Keep on trucking (jollyly)

jollylemur95 wrote on 27 Nov 2024 16:19:

Thank you for your post, Jolly.

Am I right to infer that someone who is so stuck in the mud that he isn't working on improving is a rosho? And not cherished by Hashem?

iwillmanage wrote on 28 Nov 2024 13:40:

Nope.

Can we all agree to use terms like 'rosho' for Hitler and Haman? 
Please. 

C"V!

this is good news, im considered an אונס even though i started porn after my wedding. yay!

best regards
cande'

I am just like you!
I would love to hear how you go on and thrive!

Not sure if it's makes a difference if halachically it's ones, grama, garmi, shogeg, shogeg karov lemezid......
Rabbosai let's get cleaned up. We can do this!

If I may ask a simple question to bring out the Onusim stickle....

Imagine we had a choice. We could either A) have never chanced upon GYE, lived a life of daily porn watching and gone up to Shamayim after 120 and to only then found out that we were Onusim mamesh. B] Or we could have found GYE at ____ years old, learned that we were onusim, and  learnt tools to break free and never watch porn again. There is not a guy on this site who would chose the first option. אלמה nobody is doing this because they want to. IT"S BECAUSE WE WERE ALL UNDER EDUCATED, developed a bad habit, and didn't have the tools to get out of it. Tzadikim keep on fighting!! You're all amazing, each and every one of you!

menuchashanefesh9 wrote on 29 Nov 2024 01:50:


This explains ALL challenges. Hashem gives us them to help us have the opportunity of growing. While I hated having these nisyonos, that was only while I was deep in the mud. Once you break free, suddenly you can look at things from a better perspective. 
AND I must add, if you did break free, use your newfound knowledge to help others. Maybe that's one of the reasons Hashem helped you break free. 

Your posts is very encouraging and I'm sure that as you turn the past aveiros to a z'chus for the oilam here, hashem does the same to you and loves you as a true tzaddik.

 aren't we all במקום שבעלי תשובה עומדים...

I had a story this week that rebakiva is making me crazy to share so here it goes:
I have for the most part been very strict to filter all my devices so porn was never a consistent because it was not always accessible. However if I ever got my hands on an unfiltered device I would be on it for hours late into the night...
My wife was always careful to get her devices filtered , but as a busy mother she some time did not do it right away. I used to ask her to filter it at the same time part of me hoping she wouldn't so I can see porn. Recently she had a computer that was my "window" to all this lustful junk. Despite me asking and begging her to filter it she got busy and for a while it was not filtered. around 3 months ago she put it somewhere that I was not aware where it was. I have not seen porn since. Recently, despite me not knowing where it is I asked her again to filter it and she b"h did that. As she taking it out I ran out of the house so I wouldn't know where it was. At that moment I felt like Yisro. As Rashi tells us, he had mixed feelings when he heard of the downfall of mitzrayim, I felt the same. Happy it was going to be filtered and part of me hoping she wouldn't. 

B"h it is now filtered. I went with my wife this week to pick it up from the filter company. Right then,Every fiber in my being(I know Vehkam,it is not really me:laughing:!) was screaming do not say anything. Maybe the filter is not working so well and I would be able to see.....
But because I have the greatest friends a man can ever ask for here on GYE I pushed myself and asked her to check the filter first to ensure it is working properly. As I said it, I was in real pain! I had this horrible feeling in my stomach. It hurt me for at least a day before it subsided. I was going crazy! Why do I feel this way? I should be excited that I was able to push against my entire being saying to stay quiet. But I all I had was pain..
I started calling some of my friends to understand why I felt this way. I finally got  through to HHM who told me it was a great thing that was done and I am like a baby throwing away his pacifier!  As the pain continued I was thinking and I hit something else. I think I was sitting shiva on porn! Not willing to accept that I hopefully will never see it again!

In a fantasy I would end off that I became a malach and never had a tayva again.
But this is real life and in real life the battle never ends.
Yesterday I had a lapse. Not in porn (no access) or masturbation ( controlled my self) but in shmiras einayim. I looked at someone inappropriate  (more then a first glance, though as stated earlier it was not porn)

This brings out 2  things in particular for me
1) How lucky I am to have such a great group of friends here who are literally pushing me to keep growing! Thank You!!
2)I may have had a victory, but the war is not over. Proof is I fell back just 2 days later. I must stay vigilant on this until the day I am summoned to to the bais din shel maaloh. The YH never gives up and is a most formidable enemy and I must keep working to defeat him. He never gives up so I can not give up either.

ON TO VICTORY BE"H!! (and bezras his sheluchim here on GYE!)

What joy to see this most beautiful post.....