It's normal.
Just stopping doesn't make us sober.
The way you're feeling is a symptom of being a normal human being.
The ups and downs are part of thid journey.
The need to share does not have to be with your wife, but it is recommended to share with friends. (like the ones here, you can call or even meet in person).
We're with you!

Thanks for your words 
It means the world 

But I feel so bad hiding from my wife 

II promised her to tell everything from when she caught me 

I feel like a lier and betrayal
I wish you can clear me my mind

Hey there! 

I wouldn't call you a liar and betrayal if you don't feel ready one second to the next to come clean to your wife. 

Give yourself some time. Stand back up. Gain your footing. Then, you'll feel much more confident sharing it and adding that you even did the hardest part of standing up after a fall. 

Don't be impulsive. Give urself the time you need. There's a lot of pain to get over, you'll get thru it!!! 

There's light at the end of the tunnel!!

All the best! 

- Yiftach'l 

NH95 wrote on 21 Jul 2024 22:07:

A question about what to tell your wife totally depends on your specific situation. It could be it is very important to tell her, it could be horribly destructive. It's really a question that must be asked to someone with a lot of experience and whom you can share all the gory details of your specific situation with. Please, do yourself a favor and call/email HHM and don't just flip a coin based off what people say without knowing your specific situation. At the very least, talk it over well with your therapist.

Regarding the other issue - are you still sober/feeling horrible. Change is hard. Really, really hard. Your progress so far sounds unbelievable, and one slip cannot undo that. Keep on climbing!
(Note that while it cannot undo your progress, it might be a sign of shaky foundations. Then again, it might be no big deal. Also something worth talking over with someone wise.)

chosemyshem wrote on 22 Jul 2024 13:25:

It is highly recommended to speak to HHM - Hashem Help Me. He has helped hundreds, if not thousands, present company included. He is very warm and caring, and will be of great assistance. He is available at michelgelner@gmail.com
Reach out, you wont regret it!

of course your still clean your amazing. 149 is a major milestone. keep it up!