Also, we have to remember that when we see a pretty woman in the street, we aren't really seeing 'her'. 
We are seeing the face she chose to show, or the face she has on that day. 
Similar to a picture on social media. 
A couple standing close in a romantic location. 
It doesn't tell us what's really going on. 
It could be that the couple hate each other and just smiled for a picture. We don't know how much filtering or touching up was used. 

When you see a pretty woman in the street, remember that there is much more than the pretty face you got to see that day. 

The way I look at it is, I try to imagine that she has the same sex drive as my wife! Aka zero!!!!
Pretty face/body don't help you much when she isn't interested in you! 

Yes, thank you richtig!
Desire for women is in our nature because Hashem made it this way. Logically, it doesn't really make sense.

Though there are tribes that have different social norms and seem to be desensitized to the things that would trigger us. I wonder how that fits in?

Reb Avigdor Miller used to say that if you want the romance to end, just marry her. Not because then you'll see that she has disgusting parts to her. Just because then you'll see that she has more to her than just her looks and body
Iwantlife, you said it very well. What Muttel meant was that we can train ourselves to realize (and as time goes on it definitely gets easier) that there's a whole picture. Sexuality is but one small part of her. Not that the rest has to be disgusting, but the rest is not very sexy. And when we realize that yes, we are wired to desire woman, but even that is only a small part of us, and that a woman is a lot more than just a person that one has sex with, it helps us reframe our interactions with them. It helps us walk through the world without going nuts at every woman out there.
Thank you Muttel for bringing it up! And thank you CO for explaining it so well

cande wrote on 27 Sep 2024 14:13:


I try to support and was responding kindly to your comment. 
I guess you meant something very different in your comment?

Because you seemed to say quite clearly that when you humanize a woman that makes you lust after her. 

If you didn’t mean that, please clarify.

I've been thinking all אלול about the difference between this coming ימים נוראים and the last.... 

I'm the בעל מוסף in my Shul and the last 3 years have been full of gut-wrenching pain. "How can I serve as their שליח when I act the way I do?????" My tears were more often than not, tears of anguish, pain, fear, embarrassment (especially during הנני when describing my unworthiness), and altogether not tears of דביקות and healthy yearning. I entered last year's ימים נוראים season full of despair, convincing myself I'll cut my negative actions out, though I'd been saying that for 2 ימים נוראים prior......

This year, 145 days clean and counting, I enter this season with an entirely different set of circumstances and mindset..... The inner calmness, the excitement to greet and be ממליך הקב"ה, (though I have plenty to do תשובה for, it is nonetheless a first for me in a long time...), and maybe most importantly, the genuine tears of one who feels connected to אבינו שבשמים.......

I have all of you dear friends to thank. ראש וראשון, a thank you to the GYE team for enabling my entire life to change in 145 days. There is no way for me to overstate it... 

My dear רביים at GYE that anyone reading this should reach out to, like I did. It will בעזהי"ת change your life like it did mine!! HHM, Eerie, Chaim Oigen, Redface, Vehkam, IWLR, Proudyungerman, Amevakesh, Yiftach, and the list goes on and on......
You dear friends made all the difference. You resurrected my life and turned it into a beautiful tapestry that will אי"ה impact my children, grandchildren, תלמידים, their children, and grandchildren, and so many others I'm זוכה to come into contact with.... I can only say, Hashem should give you more opportunites to bring more of His children back לאורך ימים ושנים until none need you anymore.....

I'd also share the deepest of feelings for all our GYE brothers that haven't yet broken free from the shackles of pleasure, either because they can't or because they don't yet want to. My deepest hopes and dreams that each and every one of you finds within you the strength and fortitude to beat the bedeviled foe soon, forever! 

בברכת כתיבה וחתימה טובה שתכתבו ותחתמו לאלתר לחיים טובים ולשלום בספרן של צדיקים גמורים
ממעמקי הלב המלאה וגדושה בדמעות של שמחה ודבקות
מאטיל

Muttel wrote on 01 Oct 2024 14:26:

Byewtifull!!! One small point  You wrote "breaking free from the shackles of pleasure'. You probably realize that whats happening is finding true pleasure not losing it..

Hi Muttel,
I appreciate your post. Its my first day on GYE but I was here a few years back. My story is very similar with being exposed to porn very very young. 

Thank you, I appreciate it. Now you can really join the chevra here. The camaraderie here is what’s propelled me and allowed me to really work on myself.

I’d love to hear from you, feel free to reach out at the number below!

Muttel

Just here to report back on my chol hamoed trip. Was around many many tribe members and their families. I’m sure there were many beautiful women that I could’ve lusted on. Thankful to Hashem that I didn’t. 

Also thankful to the GYE chaver that held my hand the whole time. Other than hurt for being squeezed for so long, it was great.

Have a great and successful chol hamoed, all.

With an overflowing and joyful heart full of brotherly love,
Muttel

Muttel wrote on 22 Oct 2024 09:24:

Hey you say hurt??? it's still red like a tomato!!!! 

Love you brother I probably would've fallen without that squishy hand, 
Until I got to know you your honor defense minister and his honor prime minister hhm, my chol hamo-ed's used to start off promising myself that this time will be different, and i'll keep strong, but with-in 15 seconds i'd see someone and that would be the end of it for me AND FOR MY WIFE & FAMILY I would be totaly out of it thinking only of... 

But yesterday {even though my wife commented that i'm to buisy on phone,} but i was there WITH THEM FULLY, ang most of all in good spirits. Thank you again brother & I love you and my squishy mushy hand {thats besides for my precious nose i'm still searching for, for any clues please contact... it was last seen wearing a leather jacket...}

Oh and sorry for breaking the anonymity 

Rebakiva, your positivity is catchy and is clearly helping you in this battle, as well as making us smile! Keep the שמחה של מצוה up, and who nose how far you can go!? Sorry, I just had to get that in there.