I dont even know where to start, but I am so confused.
I decided for Pesach, Zman Cheirusainu, that i would free myself from movies. Which meant addding extra filter to those certain apps. But now im struggling with the things that i wasnt struggling with before, SSA P.M or even music. Meaning that i thought i had overcome, not fully but defiantly was less. Im just so frusturated and not sure what to do. I feel like a failure and I realize that everytime I try to be better in one area i just tumble in another and its a vicious never ending cycle that im just overwhemeled by it.
I could be good for a couple days and then just tumble.
I could be on the wrong forum, wasnt totally sure how to use it.

Welcome Trying1989!

You are in the right place! The struggle is real but here you have multiple tools which can help you break out of this vicious cycle.

Can you share a bit more of your background and struggles? (Without giving away your actual identity, of course)

trying1989 wrote on 26 Apr 2024 06:28:

Hey! You came to the right place that's for sure.
I, and everyone else here, can completely identify with the feeling of being caught in a "vicious never ending cycle".
Stick around, do the F2F Program and take a crack at reading the handbook and TBOTG.
This is the place to be for shattering vicious cycles.

Welcome to the GYE community. You posted in the right place. You wrote that you just put in a filter but since then you have new struggles of SSA, P&M and music. Did these new struggles just start this week for the first time? Without going into the little details that might be triggering, what have you been struggling with until today other than watching regular movies that brought you to GYE? There are many people on GYE who struggle or have struggled with the same things you are struggling with and you are not alone.

Don't be heartbroken that you didn't break free after 20 days on GYE. Freedom is a process and there is a lot to learn. As chooseurname wrote, I suggest that you do the Flight to Freedom program and regularly read The Battle of the Generation. Many of us have broken free and with work and education you will eventually be a free man. Read through some threads and make friends. Keep on posting and sharing and keep on trucking.

Thank you so much for all your support.
I started Flight to Freedom a while back but i have a hard time being real and sometimes just get lazy doing the work. I decide that i can do it without it and end up coming back to the same spot all over again. I have a very hard time sharing these struggles.
but i think i need someone that i can do the worksheets and just discuss things with. to figure things out and just push me a little to work harder. is that something that people do or i am alone?
I truly see the damage and the effects that P&M has had on my life. Much more anxiety and lack patience and other social things. 
I even see that my focus has gone down. i dont enjoy reading as much.
Is it just me or the forums are a little complicating? 

trying1989 wrote on 01 Jul 2024 02:34:

Shalom Trying.
I'm sure someone here would love to discuss Flight to Freedom with you. Tell us a little more about yourself so we can get to know you and you can make some connections. I understand that our struggles are hard to discuss, but this platform is anonymous and filled with people who have been there and know what it's about all too well. 

As far as your patience and focus taking a hit, I'd guess that that is a side effect of any go-to stimulation/distraction that we overutilize - ie the internet.

Hatzlacha and IYH looking forward to getting to know you.

trying1989 wrote on 01 Jul 2024 02:34:

You're definitely not alone brother. 
You can try connecting with a partner to work the F2F program through the official GYE partner program. Or hopefully one of the chevra here who sees your post will volunteer to work with you. (Feel free to pm me for my number, though idk if I can be much help.)

Never give up. It's important you're acknowledging the pain of porn and masturbation abuse. That itself is the most powerful motivator to do the work necessary to get clean.

Hatzlacha!