Have you gotten any help in these crazy walks?

Wondering the same… 

Hey all, it has gotten worse... I have gone into a married women's apartment 

oy i'm so sorry you're struggling this much
i just read through your thread to have context, i'm sorry you have it so hard.

i noticed many friends here commenting that you should go for help. although they're probably right, its never fun to be told that. it actually takes alot of strength to acknowledge that you might not be able to tackle this yourself, and to get over some of the stigma involved.
if you would like, i'll be happy to discuss with you more about getting professional help. you might be surprised about availability, insurance coverage, privacy and professionalism.

hi noshimnosher,
how are you? how is your family? haven't heard from you in some time, hope all is fine.

Ya family is good bh, the struggle is real. But so far the summer zman has been going really well. I started with a new therapist we r working on mindfulness.

Don't know how posting helps at all. But I just approached a regular from married lady. Kinda nervous my face will be plastered all over tom morn. She invited me into her apartment Bec I used some excuse. But I got scared and left. But I really really really wanted to try her her properly and see if she would o for it...

Hi. 'noshimnosher'. I hear you loud and clear: I don't think posting alone is supposed to really help anyone w/a real problem out, after all! Anyone who suggested to "just keep posting," was probably unknowingly wasting your time - but with nothing else to do, at least notifying ppl here gives a feeling of connection and accountability for you and then. But to really help you quit and live life differently? Nah. Posting to usernames isn't very real - you're 100% correct. Also, another thing you are 100% correct about is that  your behavior is not normal behavior - for a person who wants a good life. If you got what you're lusting after, you'd add soooo much more craziness into your life than you already have. That's a sign of a messed up way of thinking and living life, chaver. You're right. All the patting on your back saying that "you're normal," contradicts the facts, and you keep saying that but some good ppl probably feel that if you judge yourself honestly then you'll just be depressed and get no help at all! That's be a bad choice for you, to hide even deeper and get an even crazier life. yep.
And the way you're going about getting what you feel you want more than anything else, is so unstable, yiddle! So if you want help, eventually your shame will be overcome by the mess you create for yourself (and maybe soon for others you get sexual with, too) and you'll reach out of your comfort zone to make a call in person to someone who understands and has been there. We will be waiting with a hell of a lot more than just chizzuk and a pat on the back. And we won't tell you sweet lies or anything just to make you feel better - we will share some sanity with you. And a better way of living you can choose. It's up to you. Your choice. You do not need to continue living and thinking in a nutty way any more. ❤️

In other words, I've been there and I know that when you are on the chase - busy doing the behavior you do - it feels very clear that there is absolutely no alternative...as though it's completely sensible and any alternative is crazy. Meaning to say: if anyone would tell me during the 20 years that I was busy acting out (in-between trying not to act out) my fantasies that I was perfectly normal, I would just laugh - I knew I wasn't. And if they told me while I was  busy that I had to stop...well, I'd cry (and laugh). It seems to me that eventually you will have to prove the truth to yourself and no one else can do it for you. Posting alone, will probably just delay the inevitable for you. Like pretend help. But once you finally prove it to yourself, you will be ready to get home and you will get real help face to face, for your problem. There are plenty of people who would be happy to meet with you face to face (and also talk with you directly on the phone) who have been there before, know what it's like to be doing the stuff you are doing, for years...and are free from The nuttiness now. Inside, you are just as good as any of us, and part of you is still just as normal and healthy. But it has moved pretty deep inside by now... 

Hatzlocha! 

noshimnosher wrote on 01 May 2023 20:20:


This is great!!

I hope you can freely bare it all and share everything that’s going on with you to your shrink. Don’t keep secrets from him / her. It’s not worth it ;-)

(lady next door)
noshimnosher wrote on 04 May 2023 02:04:


It helps to say things as they really are. Don’t hold back.

What part of her do you want?
Do you want to marry her and leave your woman #1?

Say what you mean.

Although as Dov mentioned, you’re probably not going to gain very much if you do on this forum. It’s something to keep in mind.

Keep up the good work, because you are on a good track!

Wait a sec... This is perfect advice - regarding the therapist he is working with on mindfulness. Back to the ba'al ha-thread: Have you been sharing - with this therapist -  all the information you wrote in the entire thread of messages you wrote above to your friends here? 

Or have you been sharing only generalities about it with the therapist since the intention of you getting this therapy was for something else perhaps. Many people here don't even share any of this stuff with a therapist they are already seeing, cuz It's so incredibly embarrassing...so they only open up about it here. 

almost everything I have shared with him, I haven't spoken about the times I have gone into or almost into women's homes. But I told him about my approaching women on the street and asking them inappropriate things.

Hatzlocha on figuring out a solution. BeH you will get it worked out.

Are you scared that something terrible can happen to you physically? Legally?

Davening for you...

Maybe the risk is part of the thrill. Do you have any better, kosher, thrills you can get?

Thanks for the honesty. Now please: Is the entering and almost entering women's homes such a new thing you're doing that you haven't had a chance to tell him about it yet? If it is, then that's perfectly understandable. But if you've had some sessions since this behavior was already going on...is there any specific reason you can think of why you haven't told him about it yet? 
Thanks. -Dov

I don't know why I haven't told him.