Hi I am a young married man with a few small children, I have had a long past of different struggles and bad to worse habits. In the past couple of months I have been making some real steps to grow in some unhealthy area's. I recently past 90 days of no P & M, and it feels good. But I have a diff issue and idk what to do or what to make of it. I compulsively go on these long walks with no destination in mind. I don't know what I'm looking for and what I expect to see. Sometimes its through heavily frum neighborhoods, others its in very not frum neighborhoods. I usually end up speaking to at least one girl on my walks but its never a conversation or pick up line. There are times the thrill comes just from asking for directions I don't need, or for the time while I have my phone in my pocket. But other times I will just blatantly ask a women to have s*x with me. The common denominator is none of these conversations will get me any s*xual gratification. So I do not know what on earth I am doing, yet I can't figure out how to stop these long walks to no where.

Walking is good, but how about walking with a friend ?

noshimnosher wrote on 29 Oct 2022 21:43:

Given your history and your unexplainable compulsive behaviors I would recommend enlisting the help of a competent sex addiction therapist to help you figure this out.  It is possible that you are sexualizing any conversation with a strange women even if the conversation is not at all sex related. 

The walks themselves are very good for a lot of reasons. The asking for unneeded directions is concerning and should be stopped, but blatantly asking a woman for sex is not only severely dangerous, but it is also a crime. The victim of this "attack" could feel she is about to get raped and could violently defend herself against you or scream for help and call the cops... basically, an interaction like this may have long-term consequences for you. If the girl were my daughter, I would hunt you down, and you would never be able to do it again. I am only mentioning some of the potential things that you are opening yourself to.

Obviously, therapy is needed. Not being a therapist, I would say to focus on the times you blatantly ask for sex from strangers. The unneeded small talk is bad enough, but you must stop that aspect ASAP. Best of luck!!

Just to add to the good comments here, why not make yourself a geder as to where to walk? Stay only only within the frum neighborhood. NO talking to women on these walks. Even for directions. Even if you need it wait for a man. Break the habit. Has to be in healthy balanced way but we have to stay a few steps away from the yetzer. Also the less we allow ourselves to be stimulated in a negative way, the easier it gets.

Also improving the quality of your own marriage is a big help in this battle. Although those discussions, are had over by the Baal habatim forum:)

I would like for everyone to please scare the **** out of me.... Tell me what can be all the worst case scenario's if I continue these walks.

noshimnosher wrote on 31 Oct 2022 06:47:

If you have a real issue, scaring the Sh*t out of you won't accomplish much. I am not so worried about the worst-case scenario, I would be more worried about why someone would do something that is not socially acceptable. 

Worst case is subjective but I think you could realistically get arrested and have your name on the 'police blotter' in the paper or something like that. In other words, you could have a record. Imagine that coming up when you apply for a job.

I also want to raise another idea. My impression from your post is that you seem to be consciously or subconsciously deep in some kind of fantasy about 'loose woman' who are dying to jump into bed with you. Honestly, part of me thinks the most straightforward to poke a hole in this fantasy is to have a conversation with one of these women about what they think when they see you and when you ask them for directions. Don't think this is very realistic unless in the context of safe group discussions like SMART or SA...definitely something to consider...

Another option that's a bit out there is to create a fake profile and go to a site like reddit and post your question/approach. Let the goyishe pritzudisk world respond what they think. I know it's a bit out there but might be eye opening.  

Please deal with this issue before you get into real trouble.

The worst case scenario is… if c’v one would be maskim… you’ll change your life forever and it’s from the hardest thing to do teshuvah on. And it was for a silly physical pleasure that U will regret a second later.
Get help before it’s to late!!

wilnevergiveup wrote on 31 Oct 2022 12:18:

I'll probably have to come visit you in jail.

doingtshuva wrote on 31 Oct 2022 23:27:

No joke about jail. Soliciting someone on the street to have sex is a criminal offense in most places. Please, please stop doing that. Don’t walk if you can’t not do that. You will end up with a police situation that can seriously derail your life. 

I'm not very knowledgeable about your situation since I haven't had these impulses. But I feel like you're wanting to do something inappropriate simply for the sake of doing so. The call of the void so to speak. Perhaps try to find a more appropriate place for this. I feel bad for recommending you take up a vice, but I'd recommend finding something thrilling to do that is not illegal either in halacha or in civil law. For instance, certain games in certain contexts (e.g., buying a single lottery ticket does not seem to carry asmakhta). I feel like there are a lot of substitutes that may be vices but would be an improvement from where you currently stand. My concern is whether they will simply enlarge your current yetzer hara rather than placating it

I hope my advice does not make your situation worse, but do not want you to wind up in jail with a sex offense. It could break up your family and effect where you are legally allowed to live, and sex offenders have to appear on the sex offender registry. There are better places to appear.

I wish I could have what you have, please don't take it for granted

doingtshuva wrote on 31 Oct 2022 23:27:

I'm not going to jail, I don't ask random people for sex!

But someones who does, and who cannot stop, should probably get some help.

Any nutty lady would say yes r"l probably has disease that you don't want want and could destroy ones life.