hitting 5 months of sexual sobriety in a week from today. haven't gone longer than 6 months (i think ever) hit 6 months before my last acting out spree ( a month over the summer) 

i feel like i am getting more healthy but also feeling fear about uncharted territory of long term sobriety. doesn't make much sense to me but that is how i feel. 

Sobriety date August 21 2024 in SA
June 4 2023 in AA

ilovehashem247 wrote on 14 Jan 2025 14:17:

I can totally relate! Almost feels like it doesn't fit... Self sabatoge is a classic characteristic of addiction. Also, fear of the unknown, plus "that's not really me, who am i kidding"... rooting for you!

I'm feeling very overwhelmed, progressively so since my very successful therapy session yesterday (following a Ray of Hope meeting the day before). Ray of hope facilitates support groups for Jewish people who were sexually abused and we meet every two weeks. 

I put the (somewhat vague) details of this memory in a collapsible section below. Mods, if this is a trigger for anyone please let me know and I will edit, rather than just delete it. journaling on this thread helps me get a picture of my recovery journey. Thank you. 

Trigger warning - wrote it as vague as possible, but proceed with caution.  

I feel like there is a heavy weight on me and an emotional exhaustion from today's therapy session. It is difficult to bear, but I know that the only way past this pain is through. I'm still hopeful for my future and willing to do whatever it takes to heal.

If I found out that my actual child experienced something like this, I'd be furious and take immediate and aggressive action. 
Since this incident is many years in the past, what I need to do now is to be kind and compassionate to my inner child. 
I was only a child... as far as I can remember, I did not talk to any adult about this. I did not ask for help, tell my mother or father or teacher that something strange happened to me. My entire "sex talk" from my parents was them giving me a book about puberty when I was 13 or 14 with a note. I was ashamed, yelled at them, threw the book out, then took it out of the trash when my parents had gone and masturbated to the drawings of boobs and vaginas. 

P.S. I finished step one in SA, I've been working it with my sponsor using a workbook called "The Gentle Path" by Patrick Cairnes. I read, underlined, wrote, and checked off all 112 pages until the end of the chapter on step 1 - a third of the entire book. 

Celebrating 5 months of SA sobriety today. 

Mods, please let me know if any edits are needed - do not delete if someone is triggered as this forum helps me journal and organize / review my thoughts.

ILH.

You’re amazing for doing the hard work. KEEP IT UP!!! 



Mods please be fair and if someone claims to be triggered, please ask them if they are in the 90 day clean league.

If not, who’s to say this is much different than 1000 other triggers they encounter which the world is is full…