I fell into the hole again.  I had been doing really well for a long time on and off.  Now this past week or 2 has been really bad.  looking at really bad things online.  I am concerned that the next step is back to real people.  I am married and this happened once in my marriage for a couple of years.  I never want to go back there.
I see how little self control I have with the computer and people are even harder to break away from.
I have a good friend I met on this site and he has been infinitely helpful.  So I was thinking if one person helps so then more is better right?
I am just in over my head with this...

hopeful wrote on 06 Jul 2021 21:46:

Take it slow bro 

You’ve been to rehab some time back. 
So then is SA a consideration?

• Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) - a 12 step program dealing with any lust-related behaviors. SA has thousands of meetings all over the world, so it's easy to find a local meeting at a time that suits you. Due to Covid-19, there are also dozens of virtual meetings available. There is also a special phone conference twice a week that is especially suitable for GYE members. 
• Porn Anonymous (PA) - a new 12 step program dealing primarily with porn. PA has Zoom meetings 3 times a week.
• SMART Recovery - a science/therapy based alternative to the 12 step program.

I'd really suggest giving Dov a call. 917-414-8205.
He's been clean in SA for 24 years and runs a 12 steps call twice a week. I really enjoy it

Thank you both for your suggestions.  Yes I think they would both help.  I'm not going to write my excuses as for why I cant do them. Because that is not productive for anyone.
I have clarified a bit more what I am facing.
Although I very much need to stop this behavior, a part of me wants to continue.  
I am having a hard time overcoming that part of me...
Has anyone ever had a similar experience?

I just saw that I spent $350 between yesterday and today on this garbage!
That makes over $500 in a week.
Totally unacceptable

Hi guys, lmk if u want more info about SA

hopeful wrote on 07 Jul 2021 19:38:

I guess I can still catch up

i was also going from relapse to another, but thanks to Hashem since i joined sa I'm clean,

I'm really really happy that I'm already one full year sober, i cant thank Hashem enough, i always thought that i know what feelings are, but by oh boy my feelings open more and more by the day, last Shabbos i said shear hashearim with the feel of gratitude to Hashem for all the good he gave me, i never had such a hearty experience ever.

its not always easy i still have a lot of emotional trouble and some times i think its over I'm lust, i can give up, but thanks you Hashem for keeping me sober when i give up and surrender, I'm really happy its hard but its worth.

with that i will ask Hashem to please free me from all my pain and give me a lot of sober healthy fun

“Barber”

“shear hashearim”

LOL!