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TOPIC: thoughts 462 Views

thoughts 30 Jun 2021 03:21 #370349

  • stillhere
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some users choose names that make them feel positive. 
I chose mine, because thats my only success in this area.
that i'm still here.
ive been a gye user for 3 years and am in touch with a mentor frequently.
Nothing I do seems to last. I make a decision to grow in some area, and give up soon after. 
I haven't changed much in the 3 years since I first did something about my problem.
I tryed taphsic, filters, new attitudes and techniques...
"next time, I'll just take deep breaths" or "i'll say the alphabet backwords"
Nothing lasts.
Ive read the horror stories. I know where the path leads. 
Where mine might lead.
I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm not interested.
Just letting off some steam,
while I'm stillhere.

Re: thoughts 30 Jun 2021 05:19 #370352

  • wilnevergiveup
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Welcome! Many of us are in a similar boat. 

I find that life seems to move in a circle, always ending up back where I started eventually.

The reality is that it's really like a spiral, we go through similar situations but we are on a different level. Kind of like working out, pushing the limits always feels the same, but as you grow stronger, you are actually lifting more weight. It looks the same and feels the same, but it's not.
   
Have you ever checked out the "Stages of Change"? You can read all about it here. guardyoureyes.com/forum/54-SMART-Recovery/346927-How-The-Stages-of-Change-can-help-you#347006
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 30 Jun 2021 11:52 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: thoughts 30 Jun 2021 13:57 #370359

  • bego
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wilnevergiveup wrote on 30 Jun 2021 05:19:
Welcome! Many of us are in a similar boat. 

I find that life seems to move in a circle, always ending up back where I started eventually.

The reality is that it's really like a spiral, we go through similar situations but we are on a different level. Kind of like working out, pushing the limits always feels the same, but as you grow stronger, you are actually lifting more weight. It looks the same and feels the same, but it's not.
   
Have you ever checked out the "Stages of Change"? You can read all about it here. guardyoureyes.com/forum/54-SMART-Recovery/346927-How-The-Stages-of-Change-can-help-you#347006

I like that.

@stillhere - the reply from willnevergiveup is very to the point. 

​Also, from my own perspective, I didn't do most of the things you list as eitzos. I just allowed myself to change. I took the time to look at myself and realised I was causing more harm than good. I was chasing an imaginary woman and my thoughts and feelings were caught up there - was it any surprise I wasn't happy...

One thing that massively helped me stop was that i stopped touching myself. Sounds backwards I know, but i realised that a lot of my temptation started with mindless touching which sparked the more full blown need to masturbate and watch porn. 
So i worked on stopping. 

It's not an easy path. For any of us. I had two years of using the site before i got a new name and started posting. 
I came.
I saw
I conquered.
I failed. 
Too much I. 

Re: thoughts 30 Jun 2021 22:21 #370371

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I like the comparison, but when your working out you can see that the weights are bigger now...
I enjoyed reading stages of change, thanks for sharing that, and thanks for responding to my post.

Re: thoughts 01 Jul 2021 01:41 #370373

  • Markz
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Stillhere I’ll try not to give Chizuk as you requested, but Stillhere please listen to Stillgoing :-)

stillgoing wrote on 06 Jul 2020 04:40:
My name is SG, I'm a recovering GYE posterholic... Just kidding, (I'm not really recovered) I've been on gye for about 6 years, a large part of which I was a binge poster. Oh and p*rnography, and masterbation, and an awful lot of fantasy. On Gye I learnt a lot, I heard for the first time that lust was not my problem but was rather the solution to my problems. I didn't really know what that meant since I didn't really have any problems (other then motzei zera lvatala). I spoke with Gye members on the phone regularly and eventually met several people. We read the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and tried to apply them. I learnt a lot. The only downside for me was that I was not staying clean.  I fell so many times that I started making up random things to write in my 90 day log each time I reset. How many times can I write that I just gave in - again. Eventually I got sick and tired of the continuous cycle of counting and falling that I but the bullet and joined Sexaholic Anonymous. In that setting I began to stay clean longer and many aspects of my life and marriage have improved since then as I began to work on my life in order to stop my need to act out. 
getting back to the above post, one of the central ideas of SA is the concept that for people like me who had really really wanted to stop and really tried to stop and still were not able to stop (for years) are actually powerless and cannot stop on their own.  Only a Higher Power (who I call Hashem)s is actually able to stop me from acting out. Some days I really tried all the tricks that I could think of, and still I feel that I'm going to fall, so I turn to Hashem and say "Totty, there is no way that on my own I won't act out. I've always fallen in this situation in the past. I really can't do it. But You can. Please take away my lust for this person or this situation because when I lust it drives me far from you and ruins the good life that You gave me." Somehow, when I do this it works. Sometimes it's truly too much for us, we can turn to Hashem and He'll carry us.

Hope the new perspective was better than the old one. :-)
Sg
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Re: thoughts 01 Jul 2021 02:45 #370378

  • stillhere
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@markz-
I don't want sympathy, meaning i'm not writing this so people will say "oh you poor thing, that sounds so hard, i'm so sorry" etc. Chizuk however, is appreciated. 

The first time I called gye, i got nowhere.
The second time, I told them i'm an addict in need of SA. That got me somewhere.
they set me in up with a mentor, who told me that i in fact am not an addict in need of sa. Just someone with strongly ingrained bad habits.  

Thanks so much for the reply. 

Re: thoughts 01 Jul 2021 09:34 #370390

  • robfloyd
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I don't agree with the implied assumption that only addicts need SA. I don't know if I am an addict or not. I certainly had some addictive behaviors. I know that I benefited a lot from doing the 12 Steps. It seems to me that someone with strongly ingrained bad habits could also benefit from the 12 Steps and or SA.

I got a lot from Steps 1-3 in finally realizing that I had to truly depend on Hashem to help me recover. Step 4 helped me understand and face the many issues that were causing me to feel anger and frustration. Step 9 was important in getting closure with many problematic relationships.

Re: thoughts 01 Jul 2021 11:05 #370391

  • wilnevergiveup
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RobFloyd wrote on 01 Jul 2021 09:34:
I don't agree with the implied assumption that only addicts need SA. I don't know if I am an addict or not. I certainly had some addictive behaviors. I know that I benefited a lot from doing the 12 Steps. It seems to me that someone with strongly ingrained bad habits could also benefit from the 12 Steps and or SA.

I got a lot from Steps 1-3 in finally realizing that I had to truly depend on Hashem to help me recover. Step 4 helped me understand and face the many issues that were causing me to feel anger and frustration. Step 9 was important in getting closure with many problematic relationships.

True. I think there is a difference between benefiting from the 12 steps and "doing the 12 steps." We can all benefit from them but no one goes to meetings just for that, you go to meetings to actually work the steps properly.

They say that you can't work the steps properly unless you really and honestly feel powerless. I think "they" are right.

We can call it an addict or something else but 12 steps are for some but not for everyone. 
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
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